It is not by chance that I called Rica that night
It is not by chance that I went through my reminders
It is not by chance that I attended that particular revival meeting
It is not by chance that the topic happened to be about a gift the yearned to possess
My heart is screaming there's no one I want to follow but God
But my head is clouded with doubts
My soul is filled with fear
But despite all these, I have to decide.
I feel like being at the peak of my life
If Paulo Coelho is true to his words, then this could be my Personal Legend
It is not by accident that I read his novel.
I have to decisde who to follow now
And if I choose, there shall be no turning back
I shall not return to my old world, to my old self.
I know it will be a great risk
I've always thought my family owns three quarters of my heart
And now I have to let go of that three quarters.
It pains me... very deeply
It's one big trade off
I am about to give up the family with whom my world has revolved ever since I learned my first words
Ever since I began recognizing them as Mama, Papa, Karen, Ann, KC, Kate, Kim
Not to mention my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and relatives.
But this Person who is calling me is far more important that them
This Person sees me more than I see myself
His love for me knows no bound
And because of that love, I'm pressed in this situation
He has plans for me
And no other person has trusted me the way He did and does.
You're calling me hard and loud now
I was never worthy of You but You never gave up on me
Because You wanted to refine me, because You love me.
Father, I asked You to show Thy way to me
And looking back, I've gone so far to reach this stage
Now, the decision lies on me whether to open that one door that surely leads to You.
You're letting me now decide on my own
After having experienced Your presence, having seen the light and having found the truth since I first knew You
I know You shall never leave me as I take this crucial step towards You
You've been faithfull to me in three years I was searching for You
There would be no way You'll forsake me in two days until Sabbath comes.
Father, thy will not mine be done
Be it unto me according to Your Word
Be it unto me according to Your plans for me,
and my family
Father, after this Sabbath, my life will never be the same
Father, You have answered my pleas
Your love has sent me in this situation
Father, I want to let go...
And not the world will keep me away from You.
You have looked scrupulously for me
You have showed me the Way
You have lead me to Your door -- right to Your doorstep
With just a slight turn of the knob, I shall be in.
With my BAPTISM, I shall stay in Your flock forever
And You shall receive me with wide, open arms.
Oh, how i longed to see You joyous and smiling, God!
In Jesus' mighty Name, Amen.
I composed this poem at UP Lagoon on December 5, 2002, two days before my baptism in the Seventh-day Adventist Church.