when we were 4 or 5 year-olds, imagining God was fairly easy. we just look up to the heavens and imagine him sitting there, always watching over us.

during those times, all we have to do was wake up, eat, play and sleep. we never really had to worry about anything. life was that simple.

at that young age, we know God as the one who has a halo on his head and a beard on his face. he's the one wearing a long dress and leather sandals.

as we grow up, things change. as a teenager, we care more about our assignments, our projects, our love leters, our pimples. and as we grow older, we'll begin to care just about anything - our salary, our credit cards, our future. things become more complicated.

and after each birthday, we begin to picture God in different ways - the one we call when we're in need, the one we hold on to when we're down, and many other things. admit it or not, imagining God was never that easy.

as i was making this website, i saw God in a different light - in a bad light, to be specific.God 'suffered' every negative thing i had to say. i cursed him for not giving me the talent to do this.(ohh, this may be an exaggeration.) honestly, i poured all my anger and frustation on him.

well, how can you expect me not to act that way? imagine that you're already finished and all. all you have to do is upload the files. then suddenly, a warning flashes on the screen saying you're diskette is infected with virus. the quarantine process begins and you lost everything. you come back to your place to retrieve the files, just to find out that your own computer had just crashed. and all your back-up files are also not accessible when you're uploading them. just imagine that. aren't you going to freak out?!!!

but as i was feeling the hell of everything, something miraculous happened. unbelievably, in such 'hell,' i found God.

in the most unexpected time of my life, i saw him. i saw him through another person, and that's no other than my professor for this course.

the last option i can think of that time was to call him and asked for an extension. i had to start all over again. i was beginning to lose hope, but God was good. he saved me. i was allowed to finish this site 11 am the next day.

truly, God never failed to surprise me. he was just right there, but i was too blind to see. he disguised himself at that moment and his being a professor stopped me from feeling his presence.

i think, i need to shed a number of years of my age. how i wish i can be a five year-old again. and maybe then, i can again see him clearly.