Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You NEVER get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger -- I mean, how could he know where we're going?

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or football, though I have to makeup something else when you ask, so don't.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my Mom, too!

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't like it.

Because I'm a man, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the 2000's, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.

Because I'm a man, the toilet seat must resume in the up position.

Because I'm a man, I am King of my Domain, and women can assume the maid role, and if you get lucky....you might make Queen.

Because I'm a man, I must go fishing or golfing every chance I get.

Because I'm a man, I have about had enough you women stealing jobs from us. Women these days are trying to reverse the roles, like they have male hormones or something.

Because I'm a man, as nature designed us, are sexual animals awaiting to be unleashed. But now we are labeled Pervert, Freak, Jerkoff, or the most popular these days as Sexual Harassment. It is our nature to want a woman to do the nasty with, 4 times a day. It's not our fault.

Because I'm a man, I believe that married guys that have to ask their wives permission to do or go somewhere is definitely a panzi. As men know, men wait half their life waiting on women go shopping or getting ready for one night out.

Because I'm a man, I believe that man is the superior dominant species on this planet next to Lions that is. I believe the woman to be put here for the man, to help the man out. Support, unconditional love, and know when to leave me alone.

This has been a public service message for women, to better understand the Male animal. Should you not like your man or want to return him, please contact 1-800-God Help (us all).

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