One day a little boy by the name Timothy, who was about 6 years old, went to his mom and asked her, "How old are you?" The mom said, "There are some things you should never ask a woman and that is one of them. You will understand when you get older."

Then the boy asked his mom, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" The mom replied, "Like I said there are some things you should never ask a woman and that is one of them. You will understand when you get older."

Later the boy came to his mom and asked, "Mommy, why did you and daddy get a divorce?" The mom told Timothy, "There is some things you should never ask a woman and that is definitely one of them. You will understand when you get older"

So the boy wandered off to his mom's room and found her purse and started looking through it. As he was going through the purse he found her license. He was looking at it and looking and looking.

Then he went back to his mother and told her, "Mommy, I know how old you are." "How old," she said. The little boy said, "27".

Then he said, "I know how much you weigh." "How much," she said. The little boy told her,"You are 130 pounds."

I also know why you and daddy got a divorce. "Why son?" she said. He said, "Because you have an F in sex."

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.

The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

"Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.

�� I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard.�I had no napkin.�I licked it off.�It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster.
It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon.'"

IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ AND FORWARD TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY!
THIS MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

������Subject: Y2K alert.

������Please take time out of your busy schedule to check your toilet paper stockpile. Make sure it is Y2K compliant. Experts caution that if it isn't, on January 1, 2000, it will roll back to 1900 and turn into a Sears catalog. You have been warned.