When you have had one of those TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT days, try this.

On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers.
You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by *Q-Tip. Be very sure that you get this brand.
When you get home,lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.
Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed.
Open the package containing the thermometer and remove the thermometer and carefully place it on the bed side table so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer and as you read it you will notice in small print the statement that *every rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip is PERSONALLY tested.
Now close your eyes and say out loud five times, "I am so glad that I do not work in quality control at the Q-Tip Company."

A blonde's car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.
She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.
Out jump two men in trench coats who get in position at the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs.
It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged,runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?"
"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly."
"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!" asks the cop.
And she said... "Those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

Three old men were sitting in a nursing home talking.
Sid says, "I just turned 70 and 70 sucks! I'm having a terrible time peeing. Sometime I just stand over the toilet for 10 minutes and nothing comes out."
Morry says, "That is nothing, I just turned 80, and 80 is even worse! I'm having a terrible time moving my bowels. I try bran flakes, prunes, metamucel, nothing works!"
Sol says, "You guys don't have problems, I just turned 90, and 90 is much worse than being 70 or 80.
Sid asks, "Sol do you have trouble peeing?"
� � "No, I pee every morning at 8:00"
Morry asks "Do you have trouble moving your bowels?"
"No, I move my bowels every morning at 8:30"
� � "Then what's your problem?" they both ask.
� � "I don't wake up until 9."