Christmas Jokes.
 | .
| Two Blondes and a Christmas Tree
There were two blondes who went deep into the woods
searching for a Christmas tree. After hours of subzero
temperatures and a few close calls with hungry bears,
wolves and rabbits, one blonde turned to the other.
"I'm getting really tired. What about just chopping down
the next tree that is the right size for our living room?"
"That sounds good to me. I'm so tired I don't even care if
we find one that's decorated or not!"
|
.
 .
| |
In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that
showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One
small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing
firemen's helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.
At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind
the counter about the helmets.
She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You damn Yankees never
do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply recall
anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through
some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking
it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise
man came from afar.'"
| |
.
.
| |
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked
the defendant, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant.
"Well that's not an crime", said the judge! "How early were you
doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened", answered the prisoner. | |
.
.
| |
Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked
how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning,
roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course,
meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said,
"Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here
early, Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the
golf course.
The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I
bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the
cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading
the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them
like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such
expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the behind and said,
'Well babe, is it snuggling or golf?' and she said, "Take a sweater."
| |
.
.
| |
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad."
|
. ..... ..... |
|
