|
1.About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a
holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if
you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they serve rum
balls. |
|
2.Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?? It's not as if you're going
to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have
one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. |
|
3.If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
|
|
4.As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
car with an automatic transmission.
|
|
5.Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
other people's food. Lots of it. Hellloo?
|
|
6.Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
|
|
7.If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.
|
|
8. Same for pies? Apple? Pumpkin? Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?? Labor Day?
|
|
9.Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.
|
|
9.And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention
|
.....
.....
