as long as there are stars

I have known him for a long time. In fact, we were childhood friends. But something happened. Something we know we�ll never forget forever�

Spencer and I were best friends. Best friends since we were born. Our parents were good friends, so that made us bond closer. While we were growing up, Spencer and I would talk about things�just stuffs that fascinate us the most. We would talk about growing up, if we�ll be best friends forever, if we�ll be able to stay friends till we�re old�Oh, those were the days�Those innocent days when both of us thought about nothing but games, jokes, and pranks�How I wish we could ever go back to that�

Days passed by. Spencer and I went to different schools. Although we still were best friends, we developed different personalities. I was not popular. O don�t belong to a specific clique in school. I�m smart, athletic, musically inclined, artistic�you name it, but I was never popular. Spencer was a jock. Captain of the football team, center for the basketball team, a swimmer, a football and a rugby player. He accumulated awards that almost filled the glass case in their school. But however big our differences are, we were still best friends.

Unfortunately, my mom got laid off from her work so we have to find a place to stay. The only place we can have is the apartment near Spencer�s house. I was ecstatic of course! Excited because it would give me a chance to be close to my best friend. I knew back then that I already loved him. But I kept my mouth shut. I was afraid. Afraid of getting hurt, afraid of getting rejected, afraid of having no one to talk to�

I transferred to Spencer�s school at the beginning of second semester during tenth grade. I was surprised of his transformation. He wasn�t the kind, gentle boy I used to know. I learned that people called him Prince of Jocks, an airhead, a young man who never thinks of anyone else but himself. I, on the other hand, never rised to his position. I was called names�it really hurts you know�But I knew that I have to move on, so I did.

I cried for Spencer for days, weeks, maybe months! But I�ve learned to get over it. I continued to live my life, continued to ignore those cliques, continued to live even if I have to get through my life with constant name callings.

At the end of our senior year, something in Spencer changed�He decided to talk to me at first�and I, aloof, could just stare at him. I wasn�t even sure if he was the boy I used to know, if he really was the boy who used to be my best friend, if he was the boy I fell in love with. Days passed by, and nothing ever happened. I don�t really know why Spencer kept pursuing me. I don�t know his motives, his reasons�But I really find it hard to forget him, so I gave him a chance�

During the second semester of our senior year, the tension between us was dissolved. Things got back to normal. The people who used to insult, criticize, and humiliate me, stopped. Spencer became my �Knight in Shining Armour.� Back then, I realized that I wanted him more than ever.

Spencer eventually earned my trust. He gave me confidence I never knew I had before. It was fun having him around. Oh, I was so happy! We agreed to take our friendship up another level, we became a couple. One time, Spencer told me to look at the stars, he pointed at the brightest star he could see and said, �If something happens to me, and I die, don�t think of me as dead. I will always be here, watching you from afar.� Touched, but a bit scared by his words, I just hugged him, hugged him with all my might.

I knew back then that Spencer has a secret. I didn�t know why he kept it from me�But then, one day, he suddenly started banging his head on the wall in our apartment�I was shocked, nervous, I nearly fainted at the sight of him. When he stabilized, he told me his shocking news.

�I have brain cancer Lally. I only have a few months more to live. I thought that the doctors can stop my tumour from growing. But they didn�t. I know they did everything they can. But they can�t prevent this from happening. Please forgive me for keeping this from you. I don�t want you to worry. I don�t want anyone else�s pity. Lally, I want you to know, however late this might be, that I love you.�

Stunned, I just stood there, crying to myself, sad for someone I loved is dying, but grateful for I heard the words that I have longed to hear. For a split second I thought I was having a nightmare. But seeing Spencer cradling his head made me go to him and embrace him, scared of letting go, scared of being alone.

A year has passed since Spencer died. But I�ll always remember him. He was my best friend, he was the only one who cared for me, who shared his secrets with me, he was the only friend I had who loved me. Every time I looked at the stars I smile. I am still coping up with his death, but looking at the stars relaxes me, it�s as if Spencer was really watching me, holding my hand, massaging my back, telling me he loved me, telling me how he shouldn�t have died, telling me that he wanted to grow old with me, and telling me that he loved me enough to let me move on. I miss him, I miss having someone to talk to, but life should go on, and I should go on. I know that Spencer is happy, wherever he is now, and I know that I should be too. As long as there are stars, I will never forget him. And as long as the stars burn bright, I will keep a special place in my heart, for Spencer.

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