| 26. TP as much of the store as possible. 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. 29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" 30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling, "Red Rover!" 31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?" 32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. 33. Take bets on the battle described above. 34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics. 35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible. 36. Hold indoor shopping cart races. 37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible." 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. 39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. 40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?" 41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. 42. Two words: Marco Polo. 43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc. 44. Re-alphabetize the CD's in Electronics. 45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels. 46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. 47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. 48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO, NO! It's those voices again!" 49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. 50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. |