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I came home because things needed to be resolved and talked over. We were supposed to get counciling. But what did I get instead? I was forbidden from the man I loved right off the bat. When I got home you pretended as if nothing ever happened. How is a "problem" going to be resolved if you act like it never happened? It can't be. I was kicked out/given a "time limit" on my stay. So in my eyes, I felt like I was picked up and thrown in the opposite direction of what I was happy with. So now that my life has backtracked to the begining, I'm going to do it all over again with a few changes. I'm not telling you where I am. I'm not telling you who I'm with. If all you have to say are negative things, I will not listen. Don't "come and get me." If I want you to know where I am, I'll let you know. Since you seem to deal with problems by pretending they never existed, pretend i never came home from OSU. Maybe then, you too can have some happiness in your life. I don't want to hear how much of a liar and a sinner I am. and how much I betrayed my family. Just like you don't want to hear how I feel about you. No one needs or wants negativity from people.So stop giving it. Vent somewhere else other than me. Go to church, go to a shooting range, go to a bar, take up boxing, talk to your wife, talk to yourself. Whatever you do, I don't want to know. It only adds to my stress and pain that I'm letting go of. I will admit right now. Yes I lied. My life has been a lie since you picked me up. I barely remember ever telling you the truth.That was very hard for me, but I don't need your punishment. I have my own.
What do I want? I want to make my own choices and my own mistakes. Suggestions are welcome, but orders are not. I am me. I will do what I want. Right now what do I want? I want people to realize I have grown up. I have matured and now it's time for me to do things for myself, by myself. Don't stop me with your hate, anger, and/or disappointment. If that is all you have for me, leave me be until you have something worth while. I want relief from the pain, the stress, the lonliness, and the anger. Accept me for who I am. Forgive and forget what I do. Let me live my life in peace, and you go on living yours. |
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