Prologue
Shae-Lynn�s POV: The day was dreary and rainy. It was one of those days that was so cold and miserable, all you wanted to do was climb back into bed and sleep the day away. It matched my mood entirely. Shutting off the engine of my old, broken down car, I grabbed my keys and ran through the rain to my apartment door. I didn�t care how soaked I got. I didn�t care how cold and miserable it made me. I just didn�t care anymore. I had to just get away�get far away. Breathing heavily and feeling frustrated, I finally got my door opened and fell inside. �Hello?� I called. My only answer was the heartless and frigid silence I had grown accustomed to. Nikolai was never home. He was either at the rink or at the various bars he enjoyed visiting picking up whatever stray tramp was nearby. I knew of his cheating ways in the past�everyone, including Victor had warned me of it, but I chose to not believe it. I was the one getting all of his attention and it felt nice. For a change, I wasn't alone and this handsome man that everyone seemed to be in love with was in love with me. Or so I thought. I followed him to Connecticut, away from Tatiana and urged Vic to follow. That was only the beginning of all of this. I was thrilled to begin what I believed to be my first real adult relationship. Sure, I�ve had many boyfriends in the past and we did go through very intense, adult things together. Unlike those relationships, however, there was something different about this relationship with Nikolai. He intrigued me, he was mysterious, he ever scared me a little. I was moving in with him, which was something I never even considered with any other boyfriend. Nikolai thought it was best, however and he always seemed to know the best thing to do so I went along with it, despite what other people told me. I spent weeks picking out paint colors, furniture, everything for that apartment we got�our first place together. About a week after we moved in together, things began to change. He became distant, almost annoyed with me. He never, ever hurt me but it wasn�t the same. It was like we were roommates who were just living together in order to have a place to stay. He was never at home�making excuses like late night practices, plans with �the guys��guys I never met or ever saw him with. I spent more time alone than I ever believed and that was when I slowly came out of the fantasy I had painted with Nikolai. I began to realize what a mistake I made just putting myself in that position It killed me to think that I was just a warm body to sleep next to at night. I shuddered to think that I was really just one of those girls he was picking up in those bars when I wasn�t around. �He didn�t see it as us loving each other,� I thought bitterly to myself as a hot tear fell rapidly down my cheek. �He saw me as an easy lay and someone to share the rent with,�. I hated him for that. I passed the oval mirror in our living room and looked at my face in disbelief. My face appeared washed out and worn. My eyes were red and blood shot from the tears I allowed myself to cry on my way home. I only cried when no one was around. When no one could ask me what was wrong, when no one could try to offer me comfort I never really received. My hair fell flat and ratty looking from being stuck in the sudden downpour minutes earlier. I looked sadder than I ever had seen myself before. I threw down my bag and allowed my weary body to fall into the temporary comfort that the sofa offered. Rubbing my temples slowly, I tried to ease the migraine I could feel creeping up on me. It had been fighting it�s way in for days. It was only a matter of time before I felt it�s affects, I thought to myself. I curled up into a ball in the dark room and felt my shake with the sobs that wracked my body. The crying was uncontrollable and the harder I tried to stop it, the harder I wept. I allowed myself to finally get it all out as I thought back on how it all began. Someone came along and took all that pain that Nikolai caused away. He showed me what it was to be really loved. To not be used but to actually be loved and cherished by another person. He was my lifeline. This past year, I experienced more laughter, more happiness, more joy than I ever believed possible for myself. Then it was taken away. In the past month, I also experienced more loss and heartbreak than I ever had before. A common saying is that �it is better to have love and lost, then never to have loved at all�. Whoever said that never experienced the kind of love I did, I thought to myself as my tears began to subside. To suddenly have it taken away made the whole experience that more painful. I missed the feeling I felt when he wrapped his arms around me, when he whispered his lame jokes into my ear, the way it felt when he kissed me. Now, I was losing not only him but us�us as a pair, a duo, partners. I grabbed the throw blanket off the sofa, wrapped it around my shivering body and lay down. Who would have believed that this all began a year ago?
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