Chapter 9
Victor was acting strange. He had been acting strange for about a week now. The usual smile on his face was hidden by a frown. His sparkling eyes seemed almost lifeless. It scared me. I couldn�t focus on it now though. Nikolai was working us extra hard before Worlds and only a perfect run through would ensure an end to the practice. �Heads up! I need to see some expressions on those faces. If you can�t do it here, you won�t be able to do it in front of a couple million people!� He barked. I rolled my eyes as we went into a final hydroblade. �I only have been able to do it for years now, that�s all,� I muttered into Victor�s ear expecting his usual chuckle. Instead, he kept his eyes cast down and remained silent. Maybe he was tired. We skidded into our final pose as the music came to an end. I took his hand as he helped me up. �Are you ok?� I whispered, feeling more and more confused and worried about his behavior. He nodded and forced a smile on his face. �I�m fine, Shae-Lynn. Shhh, Nikolai�s coming over,� and with that, he skated away from me. Nikolai stopped over near me as he grabbed the rest of his things. �That�ll be all you two. I must say, you are in very good shape to win this thing. Your run throughs have been flawless.� My stomach flip flopped at the thought of being a world champion. Even though I was in the sport for the skating itself, the thought of a gold was thrilling to me. Thrilling enough to take my mind off of Victor�s sudden change of behavior�for a minute. As I turned to grab my sweater, I felt a hand graze my lower back. I smiled to myself and turned around expecting to come face to face with those familiar cerulean eyes of his. �Are you ready, Vic..�. I stopped short as I caught the gaze of brown eyes looking back at me. �Nik�� I covered quickly. He looked confused. �Darling, did you call me Vic?� I laughed. �No�.I said Nik,� I willed my face not to turn red and discretely took a deep breath to slow my racing heart. He looked confused, yet convinced enough as he slipped his hand in mine. �Since when do you call me Nik?� He rolled his eyes. �God, I almost sound�American,� He sneered. I fought the urge not to roll my eyes at the comment as forced myself to chuckle along with him. �Sorry,� I said quietly. He led me to the bench with his skates and began taking them off. My eyes followed Victor as he got off the ice and headed into our locker room. �That�s alright, Darling,� He cooed as he rushed to get his shoes on. �Are you going to be home tonight?� He asked breaking my concentration on Victor. I snapped back to reality quickly. �What? Oh, actually I promised Amy I�d help her with her hair�what with that competition coming up,�. It shocked me to hear myself lying as easily as I was. All these months, I had gotten better at it. It was now second nature. �Well, in that case, I�ll call the guys and take them up on that poker game they talked about. I�ll be home late tonight ok?� I nodded and turned to walk away. �Hang on a sec,� He said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me down next to him. Before I had a chance to say a word, He pulled me next to him and kissed my lips passionately. I opened my eyes in shock, yet fought the urge to push him away. If I did, he would know for sure that something was up. My gaze caught Victor�s as he left the locker room. Crap. That would make things worse. Even though I wanted desperately to pull away quickly and run after him, I had to stay. I pulled away gently and gave him a hug. �Call me if you need me tonight, Shae,� He whispered huskily in my ear. My stomach turned. �I will,� I answered as I grabbed my stuff. �I better go. They all must be waiting for me.� With that, I turned and walked quickly out of the rink. As soon as I got into the parking lot, I spotted him. �Vic!� I yelled, running to him. I was aware of the fact that he knew very well that if we wanted to get through worlds, we had to pretend to everyone, especially Nikolai. But, with the change in Victor�s behavior lately, I had to assure him that everything was ok. He stopped, seeming almost unhappy that I caught up to him. His body language was uncomfortable and rigid by the time I reached him. �Vic, I hope you know that the kiss in there meant nothing,� I said quietly, placing my hand on his arm. He stiffened. �I know that, Shae-Lynn. Don�t worry about that.� He answered with that customary fake smile I had grown accustomed to in the past week. A feeling of dread filled the pit of my stomach. This was so unlike him. �Victor, what�s wrong?� I asked shakily. Dammit! I will not cry, I repeated to myself in my head. His eyes wavered from mine and his gaze shifted to the ground. �Victor, answer me,� I demanded, my voice raising. He looked up quickly. �Shae-Lynn, keep your voice down,� He hissed under his breath. I shook my head. �Not until you answer me,� I said through my teeth. The worry that I was feeling kept jumping from anxiousness, to fear, to anger. I didn�t have any control over my emotions and didn�t care if anyone heard me. What could be wrong? Has someone found out? Was his sick? Was he hurt? Did he not love me anymore?� He sighed and glanced around. �Come on,� he said taking my hand and pulling me into his car. �Let�s find somewhere to talk,� We rode in silence for what seemed like an eternity before stopping in a quiet, remote location. �Victor, what�s going on?� I asked, feeling more scared that I ever had before. I saw him take in a deep breath. �Shae-Lynn, we can�t see each other anymore� I felt like I had been hit in the stomach. �Wha�what?� I managed to get out. My mind was spinning. �Is this because of what you saw with Nikolai because I�m telling you the truth. I don�t love Nikolai. I love YOU�. I didn�t even try to hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall for days. It was a relief to let them out. He shook his head and I could see his eyes tearing up. �I know that,� he whispered. �Then WHY?� I demanded as the tears fell harder. �Did I do something? Is there someone else?� �No,� He answered back as I saw tears begin to trickle down his cheeks. I had never seen him cry before�happy or sad tears. He always insisted on being the �strong man� Seeing him begin to break down was enough to send me over the edge. There was one thought that plagued me. One that I hated to ask but had to ask. �Do you not love me anymore?� I sobbed quietly. I hated to cry in front of people. He looked up quickly, and the sight of his tearstained face was enough to break my heart all over again. �Shae-Lynn, you have to know how much I love you. I love you more than anything�I just�� He stopped and reached over to hold my hand. Anger began to replace the pain I was feeling�at least temporarily. �You just what, Victor? Just bored of me. Done screwing around with me?� I knew it wasn't true. I was just saying whatever I could to make him hurt as much as I was at that point. I pulled away from him. I couldn�t let him touch me. He shook his head. �No, that�s not it�. �Then what is it?� I screamed. My heart was breaking. The one person I could see myself with was leaving me. All I could think was that I drove another man away. I did it with Steven. I must have done it to Victor. �I just�.�. I waited for him to continue but he didn�t. I finally looked at him. His face looked so lost�so confused. There was no light in his eyes anymore. That sparkle wasn�t there. There were circles under his eyes. He looked as if he had aged 10 years in the past week. Even though I was furious, my heart softened. �Victor, what is it?� I asked gently, taking his hand in mine. �I just have to give it a shot with Maikki,� he blurted out, looking pained. I pulled my hand away quickly as the tears started up again. �Oh,� I managed to get out. We sat in silence for another minute or so. �Please don�t hate me,� he whispered in the dark. I sighed, feeling more lost and sad than I ever had in my life. �I want to hate you,� I admitted quietly. �I want to hit you and tell you that I never want to see you or talk to you again,� �Ok,� He mumbled softly. �But I could never do that. I could never hate you,� I finished. He stopped and tried to look at me but I couldn�t make myself meet his gaze. �I need to be away from you right now,� I whispered. He nodded and started the engine. We drove in silence back to my home. I grabbed my things and he gave me a small wave. �I�ll see you at practice tomorrow,� he voiced before I slammed the door. I nodded and walked slowly to my door. He sat in my driveway, watching to make sure I got inside ok. Why couldn�t he go away? Why did he have to take care of me? He had already broken my heart into a million pieces. What else could hurt me? I got inside and closed the door. I dropped my bag in the closet and looked around. Everything reminded me of him. The couch where we snuggled as we watched movies, the can of his favorite hot chocolate powder that we always sipped in the morning, the bed where we made love. It was too much to take. I ran and made it to the bathroom where I proceeded to be sick.
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