Chapter 5
Victor�s POV: Her tiny hand shook in mine as I led her to the couch. I knew how she felt. This was all happening so fast. Despite the fact that I knew I did something wrong by kissing Shae-Lynn, I couldn�t help but feel elated that she seemed to feel the same way. I couldn�t get over the feeling of her soft lips on mine. It was enough to make the hairs on my arms stand on end and enough to make my heart beat so hard, I was sure it would beat out of my chest. It was such a different feeling�a feeling I never felt with anyone, including Maikki. The fact that I felt that way made me feel guiltier than I ever had before. I felt torn between doing what was expected of me and what I actually desired and wanted in life. I sat down and she sat close beside me. She held my hand firmly and cast her eyes down on her lap. She let out a shaky breath. �Do you know what to do?� She asked, her voice wavering slightly, finally allowing herself to look up into my eyes again. Her big tawny eyes looked troubled. I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed it softly. �I don�t,� I admitted. She nodded sadly and looked back to her lap. � I do know,� I continued. �That the way I felt in the past ten minutes was more amazing and intense than I ever felt in my life,�. She looked back up at me, her eyes now relieved. A small smile crossed her face and her freckled nose scrunched up happily. �Me too,� She affirmed, squeezing my hand gently. The smile faded slowly from her face. �We still have a problem, though,�. �Two problems, actually,� I joked, trying to lighten the mood. She smiled weakly and nodded. �My mistake,� She replied, laughing softly. I took her other hand and began to play with her fingers. �Well�um�you don�t still want to stay with Nikolai, do you?� I asked nonchalantly, avoiding eye contact. I hated bringing such difficult subjects up. �No!� she answered quickly. I looked up at her and smiled as her face turned a dark scarlet color. �No�no, I don�t,� She corrected slowly. I nodded. �But,� she continued, looking troubled. �I don�t know how well he�s going to handle the two of us together. I mean�I don�t care what he thinks. Honestly, I could care less about him at all. It�s just our coaching, and with Worlds coming up�.� �It makes things hard,� I finished for her. Her eyes softened. �Yeah,� She replied softly. We were both silent for a few seconds until she finally piped up. �And what about�.Maikki?� I paused, not knowing exactly what to do with her myself. I knew that there was no way I loved her more than I already knew I loved Shae-Lynn but she was a good person. I hated to hurt her. �Oh,� She replied sadly. She pulled her hands away and got up to grab her things, obviously holding in tears. �No, Shae-Lynn,� I exclaimed jumping up to stop her. The last thing I needed was for the one important person to me to misunderstand and hate me. �That�s not what I meant. I�m sorry,� She looked at me with tears in her eyes. �Vic�I know this is a lot to take. I�m having a really hard time too but�I just�.after tonight��. The tears started to roll down her cheeks. �I just can�t handle feeling this way about you and�and you choosing her,� I reached over and enveloped her in my arms. �I know, I know,� I soothed, rubbing her back softly. �It sounds so selfish of me to say,� She cried into my shoulder. I pulled away to look at her. Pieces of her hair was stuck to her face because of the tears rolling down her cheeks and her eyes looked so sad and lost. It broke my heart. �You could never be selfish,� I whispered and kissed her lips softly. �And, I could never not choose you,�. She looked up at me surprised. �What?� I took a deep breath. �I know now that I love you,�. I knew I�d never forget the look on her face at that moment. Although her cheeks were tear-stained and her eye make-up was smudged slightly, she never looked more beautiful. Her eyes lit up and she smile beamed. She squealed and jumped into my arms, kissing my face over and over again. I laughed. �I�uh�hope you feel the same way,� She giggled and pulled away to look at me. �Shut up,� she ordered, kissing my lips passionately. She broke the kiss and leaned close to my ear. �I love you too,� she whispered as she hugged me tightly. We stood there in silence for a few moments trying to piece together everything that had happened in the course of an hour. It all seemed crazy but it all felt so right, it somehow seemed to make sense. �I�ll tell Maikki as soon as possible,� I told her as we pulled away. �I just can�t tell her over the phone,� Shae-Lynn nodded her head quickly. �Of course. She shouldn�t have to know over the phone. She doesn�t deserve that,�. I sat down in one of the chairs and pulled her down onto my lap giggling. �What should we do with Nikolai? Should we hold off telling him?� She nodded. �I don�t even know how he�ll react�.and with Worlds coming up? Should we risk it?� I looked at her seriously. �I don�t want to hide us. I want to tell everyone!� She laughed. �So do I, but we can�t just throw this away. We have such a shot this season. It�s going to be hard without Nikolai there,� She admitted. �It probably would be best if we wait until after Worlds. It�s only a few months away,� I pointed out. A horrible thought then crossed my mind. �Shae-Lynn?� �Yup?� she asked dreamily, snuggling closer to me. �Uh�are you planning on still living with him?� The thought of Nikolai crawling into bed with her made me physically sick. She looked up quickly. �Oh god, I didn�t even think of that. There is no way I can go on sleeping beside him,�. �That�s for sure,� I responded bitterly under my breath. She grinned and continued. �How can I get out of this without making things sound questionable?�. She looked at me questioningly and I found myself getting lost in her eyes. She snapped her fingers right in front of my face causing me to jump. �What?� �Are you listening to me at all?� She asked with an amused grin growing by the second on her face. I smiled and leaned in to kiss her. She pulled back teasingly and covered her lips. �Nope, not until you answer me!� She joked, her voice muffled because of the fact that she was covering her mouth. I sighed. �You know how many topics we�ve covered in the past�� I checked my watch. �One and a half hours?� She began to laugh and covered her mouth charmingly. It was cute mannerisms like that --ones she never even noticed that she had--that made me love her so much, I decided to myself. �We did go over quite a lot huh?� I nodded. �We covered the basics. We know what we have to do�.we know how we feel�� She nodded and took my hand, intertwining her fingers with mine. �That�s all we need for now,� She finished for me. She leaned in with a grin and kissed me. The kiss started out innocently enough but soon grew more and more passionate within seconds. We pulled away, breathless. �What time is it?� She asked huskily, keeping her face mere inches from mine. �God, was it that bad?� I asked jokingly. She hit my arm playfully. She shook her head. �No, it was the exact opposite and that�s the problem. If I keep kissing you like that, I�ll never be able to leave,�. I paused, not knowing what to say. I wanted her to stay but I didn�t want to put her on the spot by asking her. I didn�t want her to think I wanted her only to stay because of one reason. Don�t get me wrong�that would be fantastic but I�d rather just have her next to me when I woke up. That was all that mattered to me. �Uh�yeah, that might make things more difficult,� I croaked, silently screaming at myself for being such a wuss and not asking her. Her face fell a bit. �Yeah,� she agreed softly, slowly getting up from my lap to grab her purse. I looked out the window. �Um�looks pretty dark out there,� I commented. She looked at me with an amused smile on her face. �Well, it is almost midnight. I would expect it to be,� �Uh, yeah of course,� I uttered, feeling stupid. Either she was pretty dense or these hints weren�t obvious enough. I tried again. �I was just thinking, it is pretty dark out there and I�m sure the roads are pretty icy,� She looked out the window. �Yeah, it probably is��She replied cautiously, seeming to understand what I was getting at. �I was�uh�just thinking, it might be better if you just stayed here for tonight,� I spat out, sounding anything but articulate. �I�um�. wouldn�t want anything to happen to you or anything,�. She smiled coyly and put her purse down. �Are you asking me to stay tonight because of the roads or because you just don�t want me to leave?� I hated how she could always back me into a corner like this. I could never avoid it. �I�.just don�t want you to leave�� I sputtered. The grin on her face widened as she took off her coat. �Good, because I didn�t want to leave either,� She walked back over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. �I just didn�t want to be rude and invite myself,� I exhaled. I just realized I had been holding that breath since she got up to leave. �Consider this place a home away from home,� I laughed gesturing around me. She looked at me seriously and placed a kiss on my cheek. �I am home,� She replied as she reached up and kissed me tenderly on my lips. I never imagined it would be like this with her�it was so much easier and more natural than it had been with any other woman I had ever been with. I never once doubted her feelings for me or vice versa. I took a deep breath and boldly took her hand in mine and slowly led her into my room and shut the door. She was right�we were home.
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