Chapter 12
The sound of the alarm buzzing jolted me out of my sleep. Irritated, I lazily reached over and shut it off. I had only really had about two hours of sleep. I spent most of the night tossing and turning, but that had become a regular thing since that day a few weeks ago. I looked to my right, wishing with all my might that maybe the whole thing was just a dream. Maybe she would be there...sprawled outwith her hair all in her face and snoring softly, even though she insists that she doesn�t snore. But it wasn�t a dream. Shae-Lynn wasn�t there. Maikki was there, curled up in a ball and facing away from me. She was gone. I pulled myself out of bed gently, as to not wake Maikki up. Our relationship was strained as it was but, in these past weeks, it had grown more torrential. As much I tried to fight it, I could feel myself growing to hate her...growing to resent the fact that she was keeping me from doing the one thing I loved, which was dancing. I resented the fact that she was keeping me from being my happiest and keeping me from Shae-Lynn. I didn�t want to hate her. �She has every right to be keeping you away from her. Put yourself in her shoes. She loves you�, I tried to reason with myself. But, I always came to the same conclusion...If I was in love with someone, I wouldn�t keep them from being happy, even if it meant I wasn�t with them. She wanted me to pay. It was as simple as that. I slid out of bed as quietly as I could. I didn�t want to wake her. I knew that once she was awake, I�d be filled with those angry feelings again. I knew she�d want to talk about the wedding. I couldn�t deal with it. I needed this time alone. I grabbed the paper off the front walk and sat down to read it. The headlines in the sports section caught my eye. �BOURNE AND KRAATZ ANNOUNCE END TO CANADA�S DYNASTY OF DANCE!� I sighed and tried to put down the paper, but I couldn�t. She was interviewed. This was as close to talking to her as I had been in weeks. I needed to hear what she had to say. �He has decided to stop skating all together. I tried to talk him out of it but he had made up his mind. It all came so out of the blue...but I just want him to be happy,� Bourne stated, obviously choking back tears. I stopped reading and dropped the paper, as I buried my face in my hands. �Dammit! d**n her�. I had to get out of the house. I grabbed some clothes and wrote Maikki a quick note saying that I decided to meet up with some of my guy friends and go golfing. Since I had mentioned wanting to do it last night, I knew she wouldn�t give me a hard time. Within minutes, I was gone...I went to the only place that could calm me. I grabbed my things and, using the key that was given to me years ago for emergencies, I let myself in. The rink was fogged over. It got like that during the summer months, especially early in the morning. With the heat and humidity the way it has been this past week, the fog was heavier than ever. I put on my things and was about to get on the ice when the sound of scraping blades caught my attention. That�s when I saw her. She was working on just simple things like edges and swingrolls...yet everything she did looked so polished and put together. I stared at her in awe. She was the best dancer I had ever seen. Even when she thought no one was watching, it was like she was performing. She was always at her best. Suddenly, she looked up. Our eyes locked. I couldn�t gage her expression. It was blank. There wasn�t anger there, not happiness, not sadness...just nothing. All I knew was that her gaze held me spell bound. I couldn�t move or respond. Raw emotion filled my heart as it began to race. I missed her so much. I didn�t even realize until now. She slowly moved closer to me. �Victor....� I swallowed deeply. �Hi, Shae-Lynn. How are you?� I cringed. Wrong choice of words. She stared at me for a few moments and then a smile formed on her face. �Victor, you always seem to know the right thing to say in awkward situations, don�t you?� she laughed, shaking her head. Laughter? Hmmm, it was better than yelling or her hitting me. I was going to go with it. She grabbed her sweatshirt and water and began to get off the ice. �Uh...don�t get off because of me. We can share the ice...� I stammered. She held up her hand to silence me. �I�ve been skating for over an hour and I�m exhausted. I was getting off anyway,� She replied as she scooted past me through the rink�s door. As she passed, a the soft scent of her perfume wafted past me. The light vanilla scent brought back a flood of memories....her lips on mine, trailing down my neck.... I shook my head. �Stop,� I ordered myself silently. �Thinking of how much in love you are with her will only make everything worse,�. I knew I should have just nodded and gotten the ice but that sheer magnetic pull that only Shae-Lynn has on me caused me to follow her into the locker room. �So, how are you doing?� She asked me directly. It was so direct, it took me aback. There was something different about her. She didn�t seem so cautious and nervous like she was during �those weeks�, as I call it, or the weeks from hell when it all ended. She seemed confident. It was as if she knew something that I didn�t. �Why do you ask?� �Because you look terrible, Victor,� She replied quickly, looking me straight in the eye. �I�ve never seen you look like this. You�re pale, you�ve got circles under your eyes. Are you really that unhappy?� It was so unexpected. I wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted to tell her how miserable I was, How much I loved her, that she was the first thing I though of when I woke up in the morning and the last thing that crossed my mind at night. But I couldn�t. I stayed silent for a few moments. She moved her hand up to cup my cheek. �Vic� She whispered softly, her lips spelling the words slowly. �It can all end right now. You wouldn�t be here if you didn�t want to skate. And, I saw the way you were looking at me. You love me. You even told me that when you broke up with me. Why are you doing this? You can tell me,� Her touch was both a relief and painful. It reminded me of what we had...and what we lost. �Shae-Lynn, please....� �You love me,� She insisted, her face drawing closer to mine. �And I love you....it�s as simple as that. Don�t fight it....� I licked my lips in anticipation as her lips drew closer to mine. I could feel her breath on my face when the door to the locker room opened and the sounds of young girl�s voices chirped in. We both jumped back. She smiled softly at me as she gathered her things together. �I�m not giving up on us. Not ever. Don�t give up on us too,�. With that, she squeezed my hand quickly and left. I picked up my sweatshirt and, holding it up to my mouth, I muffled a scream into it. What was I going to do?
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