Chapter 8
I looked into her beaming face. I loved to see her laugh. There was just something so uniquely �Shae� about it. Her whole face lit up and you could see the laughter twinkling in those big chocolate brown eyes she had. Her eyes locked with mine as our laughter died down. I felt so comfortable, so at ease with her. The feelings I was having at that moment were intense�more intense than ever before. As if by some magnetic force, I felt myself being pulled closer and closer to her. I knew what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. She gazed back at me. I was confused by her expression. It seemed as though she wanted me to kiss her just as much as I wanted to�.but that was crazy. Shae-Lynn didn�t want that. She made that clear to me years ago. -Flashback- 1991 It was the first week of practices for Shae and I. Things were still new and we were still getting used to each other and each other�s skating. Practice for the day had ended and I was heading for the men�s locker room. �Vic?� I heard her call. I turned to see her scampering after me. I stopped and turned around. �What�s up, Shae-Lynn?� I asked, putting my stuff down on the bench and looking over at her. Her face was still flushed from the combination of the cold rink and the difficult work out we had just endured. Her hair was falling delicately out of her high pony tail and I had to admit, she looked pretty cute, despite her sloppy appearance. �I think we need to talk about some things before we start really skating together,� She said confidently. I was somewhat taken aback with her directness but I respected it. I agreed and led her to a quiet area in the snack area. Since it was later at night, many of the other skaters had already left so we were able to talk without being overheard or interrupted. I bought each of us a hot chocolate and we sat down. �What do you want to talk about, Shae?� She sipped her drink cautiously and cringed slightly when the hot beverage obviously burnt her mouth. �Well, I was thinking�� She began, placing her drink on the table and looking at me with very serious, intense eyes. I nodded to encourage her to continue. �Well�I don�t think we should date,� She said quickly casting her eyes on the ground. I couldn�t help but laugh. She looked up and glared at me. �Well�ok,� I said, continuing to laugh at her. �I�m serious Victor,� She said huffily. �I can see how things like that could happen and I want to be up front about it. I don�t want you to think that we will just get married or something just because I�m your partner,� I choked on my hot chocolate. �M�mmm..married?� She nodded casually and began to drink. �Shae-Lynn, just because we are skating together, does not mean that we�re going to get married,� She looked at me innocently. �It seems to in places like Russia. They�re all getting married,� �We�re in CANADA, Shae,� She scoffed at my comment. �Well, I know you�ve lived in Europe and I don�t want you to get any ideas. I know I�m cute�.� I burst out laughing. She scowled at me. �You can laugh all you want but I think we�re good and I don�t want to mess that up just because of sex,� I abruptly stopped laughing. My cute, 15 year old partner was now talking to me about sex? This was crazy. �Ok, Shae. We�re completely platonic,� I said, extending my right hand as a sort of peace offering. She took my hand and grinned. �Deal!� -End Flashback- Ignoring all my feelings of doubt and fear, I continued to lean in, as if her lips were just drawing me closer and closer. She licked her lips nervously and unconsciously and moved closer herself. �Shae�� I began, as if to give her a chance to stop me if she wanted to stop. She seemed to understand what I was doing. Very calmly, She replied to me. �Victor,� She looked at me in a way I only dreamed she would look at me. Her eyes were sparkling with anticipation and happiness. I didn�t know if I was just imagining things or if she was just being swept up in the moment but I went with it. I leaned in quickly and our lips gently brushed in a tentative and chaste kiss. We both pulled away quickly, as if the other would get upset or if something horrible would happen. Our eyes locked and we just stared at each other, trying to make sense of what just happened. Still unsure of what we should do, we both subtly moved toward each other again. Our lips were just about to touch when a rustling noise startled us both, causing us to jump back. �Anyone in here?� A voice called. Both still in a sort of shocked state, I composed myself and got up. �Yes, we are,� I called back as I walked to the opening of the shelter. The snow seemed to have slowed a great deal and an older man walked in. � I saw a car up there and got worried. Have you two been here long? Are you alright?� He moved closer to Shae-Lynn in concern as she was still sitting on the floor. Avoiding eye contact with her, I turned to talk to the man. �Um, yeah we�re fine. We were walking out there when the snow hit and we didn�t think we could make it back to the car,� The man nodded and helped Shae up. �That was probably the best idea. Weathers here are brutal and storms can come in and out quickly. Come on, let me help you two back to your car,� We nodded, gathered our stuff and followed him in silence back to the car. I wondered where we would go from here as we got into the car quietly and began to drive off. Shae-Lynn�s POV Driving back to the Athlete�s Village in that deathly silence was probably the longest ten minutes I have ever endured. I was so confused. Why was he acting so strange? Why was I acting so strange? I glanced over at him, trying to catch his eye�anything I could do just to get him to say something anything. He kept his eyes glued on the road and didn�t notice me looking over. I sighed quietly and turned to look out the window again. That kiss�.even though it was nothing long, it was the most intense kiss I have ever kissed before. There was something so gentle and intimate in it�something I had never felt with anyone else before. It killed me to think he regretted it. Was it my breath? I discretely put my hand up to my mouth and blew. Nope, still pretty fresh, considering we were out there for so long. What could it be then? The car slowed to a stop and pulled up in front of the Athlete�s Village. We sat there for a second, not knowing what we should do. I was more nervous about what he was going to say. I knew how I felt and I knew that I wanted that kiss but I didn�t want to humiliate myself by bringing it up. What if this ruined our partnership? Our friendship? I felt so torn. He was the first to break the silence. �So�� �So,� I repeated softly, not making eye contact. Why did I feel like a child all of a sudden? �We�Uh, better get inside,� I nodded and got out and walked to his side of the car, where he was shuffling his feet nervously. �Vic�.� I began. �Yeah?� He said quickly, looking almost relieved that I had spoke first. �Are you ok? I mean�� I paused to take a deep breath. �you don�t re..regret what happened do you?� I knew what I was saying was taking a huge risk. He smiled faintly. �No,� he replied quietly. �I�m just kinda confused is all��. I didn�t know if I should start jumping up and down because he admitted he didn�t regret the kiss or to start crying about his second comment. �oh,� I replied. I saw Tatiana and Nikolai rush out to us. �Listen, come by later and we can talk�� �Where the hell were you two? Do you know you had us worried sick?� Nikolai screamed, interrupting our conversation. �Keep your voice down,� I hissed at him. I rolled my eyes at his comment. �We�re grown adults and we�re ok. We just had to get away,� �I just glad you are ok,� Tatiana said, hugging Victor gently. Nikolai moved to put his arms around me. It was clear to everyone that he wanted to get back together with me. He wasn�t happy about the breakup and would try to convince me frequently that we belonged together. I always knew that we shouldn�t be together�after last night I was sure of it. Comparing Nikolai and Victor, I knew Nikolai was not what I needed or wanted in my life. Thinking back on our relationship, I spent more time crying over the times he spent fawning over other women, or over the comments he would make to me about my appearance or personality, anything. Even though he never touched me, I spent more time actually being intimidated by him. That wasn�t something I could live with then or now. I moved my body away quickly, yet subtly so that he would not pull me into an embrace. �I think I�m going to take a nap before practice at 4. I�ll see you two later,�. I turned and began to walk into the main lobby. I felt Victor�s eyes on me as I left and I turned around quickly. I knew I had to say it. �Oh, and Vic�I don�t either,�. I saw a small smile cross his face and he nodded back at me. Tatiana and Nikolai looked as confused as ever. I turned and walked towards my room. Victor�s POV: I walked up to my room and fumbled in my pocket to find my key. Oh no�it had to be there. I remembered specifically, I went into the room, put the key right on the dresser where I would be sure to see it, got changed, threw my skating bag into the closet, and�.oh no. I banged my head on the door. Of course I had forgotten my key. It�s just one of those days. On top of that, I had to decide if I wanted to take Shae up on her offer to talk. As dumb as it sounded�I was actually scared. I was scared of what she may or may not say. I didn�t know what to do. �You look a little beaten up there buddy,� a French accented voice said as it approached me. I glanced up to see the worn, tired-looking but smiling face of David Pelletier. Imagining all the crap he was going through, I can�t believe he�s actually leaving his room. �I�ve been better,� I admitted. �How are�� Dave held up his hand. �If another person asks how Jamie or I are�� he said with a slight laugh. �We�re holding in there. You know how it is,� He glanced at the door. �You locked out?� �What gave it away?� �Well, I figured you weren�t knocking with your head there,� �I know that my roommate isn�t going to be back for awhile and I really don�t want to go all the way back to the lobby,� I said as I began to feel the effects of a lost night of sleep. �Come on,� Dave said as he began to walk in the other direction. �You can take a nap in our room. Jamie�s visiting with her mother and she�d completely understand,� �Are you sure?� I asked, feeling uneasy�almost as if I were taking advantage of their kindness. David opened the door and let me in. The sight of the bed was enough to make me want to fall asleep right then and there. David rolled his eyes and gestured for me to make myself comfortable. He moved into the bathroom. I moved as quickly as I could to the bed and dove in, ecstatic to be finally going to sleep. I was just about to drift off when I heard a muffled voice from the bathroom call out to me. �So, uh�where did you and Shae-Lynn escape to last night?� My eyes shot wide open and I sat right up in bed. How could news travel so fast? Wait, this is figure skating...nevermind. �Uh, what are you talking about Dave?� He re-appeared from the bathroom, holding his toothbrush and grinning from ear to ear. �Jamie and I know that you two just disappeared last night and that you guys came back this morning. Where did you go?� I covered my face with my hands, mortified to think that Shae and I were the subjects of dirty gossip around the Canadian Olympic Team. �How many people know, Dave?� He laughed. �Only me, Jamie and Jen�seriously. She came to us looking for Shae. After the freedance last night, she was worried about her. But, we came to the conclusion that you two were together. So?� I lay back down in bed, my hands still covering my face and groaned. �Are you ok?� Dave asked, the mischievous smile on his face being replaced with a concerned one. �I�m just really confused now,� I admitted. �You want to talk about it?� What did I have to loose? I was in love with Shae-Lynn. There was no doubt in my mind. I was just more confused than ever on how she felt. David went through the same thing with Jamie. I had to talk about it with someone. I had to get a new perspective. I ended up telling him everything. I told him about how my feelings for Shae-Lynn had been changing more and more every day. How I felt when I screwed things up in the Freedance�.how she just took care of me and assured me that it wasn�t just my fault, which caused me to love her even more. How we got stuck in that snowstorm and how we finally kissed. �And now, I don�t know what to do,� I admitted. Dave sat there silently taking in all the information. He looked up at me with shock. �What the hell do you mean you don�t know what to do?� �Wow, Dave thanks. You�re really making me feel so much better,� �No, I don�t mean it like that. Why the hell didn�t you go after her? You know what must be going through her mind? Victor, it really sounds like she loves you too. Actually�� �What?� �Well�I don�t know if I should say this�.� �Say what, David?� �Jamie was talking to Shae-Lynn about a month ago. She actually wanted to set her up with her friend. This guys is talented, good looking, good personality, has basically everything. No single woman in her good mind would ever turn this guy down. Shae flat out refused to go out with him. We were confused by that but, by the way we saw her looking at you last night�we finally understood,� This was so much to take in. I had to make sure I was getting it all right. �Take�what in?� David threw his hands up in the air. �That she loves you, Vic! God, every time she looks at you, every time she talks to you, it�s so evident. And besides, no one else laughs at your corny jokes. It�s got to be love,� I sat silent, trying to just really understand what I was hearing. Dave�s voice grew more quiet. �Listen, you owe it to her�to yourself�to tell her. I only wish I told Jamie as soon as I knew how much I loved her. Don�t waste time,� I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. �I was really an idiot for not going after her,� Dave nodded. �Yeah, but that was one mistake. Don�t make another one. Tell her,� I nodded. I knew that what he was saying was true. I need to tell her and I would�tonight.
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