Chapter 3
Shae-Lynn�s POV: The music began and we let go. Never in that season had I felt so flawless and free. Victor was even coming more alive than usual. He used to kid me about my �crazy expressions,� even though I knew he loved them. Everything was perfect�.then we approached the final few seconds of the freedance. I still can�t tell you what happened. I looked into his eyes and smiled so hard it hurt. We were finally doing it. I could see in his eyes that he felt it too. It seemed too perfect. We finished our hydroblading and did a few fast cross-overs into our last lift. Victor held me tightly as he lifted my body. He turned once and then twice. I felt both of our bodies lean too far to the right and I knew at that second, there was no way we could save this lift. I held tightly to him as we fell to the ground�as the last second of music ended. Before hitting the ice, I spread my left arm out instinctively, to help protect his head from hitting the ice. Surprisingly, we hit the ice softer than I had thought and we lay there, on the Olympic ice, speechless. I knew right away, just by knowing Victor, that he would blame all of this on himself. Knowing that we couldn�t just lie on the ice forever, I sat up with a smile plastered to my face�masking my pain from the audience but, most of all, from Victor. He would feel bad enough. I sat on my knees and looked over at Victor, seeing the already apparent guilt and pain in his eyes. Smiling down on him, I impulsively leaned down and kissed his lips gently. It was the first time we had ever kissed like that before but, this was not the time to think of things like that. He looked at me blankly, not really understanding the whole situation. Suddenly, the medal didn�t matter anymore. I wanted it�.I wanted it more than anything. But, I wanted Victor, my Victor�the guy who could always make me laugh�the most caring guy I knew�back. I wasn�t seeing that Victor at that moment and that was frightening to me. �It�s ok,� I said to him softly, as I pulled him to his feet. He shook his head sadly and allowed me to help him. We took our bows and skated off as quickly as possible. I let go of Vic�s hand and wrapped my arm around his waist, pulling him closer to me. �Victor, really. It�s ok�we don�t even know how this will affect us. Calm down,� �I�m sorry,� he said quietly. The next few moments seemed to creep by at an agonizingly slow rate. We saw our scores and we were in fourth place. Fourth place�again. Away went our hopes of an Olympic Gold medal and we both knew that the fall gave the judges the out the needed to keep us off the podium. Sadly enough, that was how Ice Dancing, especially at the Olympics, happened. There was nothing we could do. Still, that wasn�t the part of the night that worried or upset me. Victor�s reaction was killing me. I knew he was hurting and nothing I said seemed to help him. �Shae-Lynn�, I heard a quiet voice say. I turned and saw Vic facing me, yet looking towards the ground. �Vic,� I began, moving over to hold him, touch him�just get any contact. �Wait,� he said putting his arm up to stop me. �I�um, I just really need some time to think. I�m sure Nikolai or someone will get you back to the athlete�s village ok right?� �Where are you going?� I asked cautiously. He shook his head and laughed a slightly sarcastic laugh. �I�m not going to jump off a bridge or anything!� I forced myself to smile. �I know that�it�s just�I don�t want you to be alone,� I saw him force a smile onto his face. �Shae-Lynn, that�s really sweet of you to feel bad for me but I�ll be fine. Look, I�m only thinking things through in the locker room. I�ll be back at the athlete�s village soon,� With that, he turned and walked quickly to the locker room. �Shae,� a heavily accented voice called. I turned to see Tatiana waving me over. �We are taking shuttle back to athlete�s village. Come on,� I turned to chase after her and then stopped. I wasn�t going to leave him. Even if he got furious�screamed at me. I�d feel better just knowing that I was at least nearby. Despite what he said, no one wants to be alone. �Um, I�ll be ok�I�m just going to wait for Vic,� Nikolai rolled his eyes. �Shae, leave him alone. He�ll be ok,� I walked quickly up to them, appalled and furious at their lack of concern for Victor. I knew somehow that I was probably being just overly protective of him but that was what I did. �Listen,� I said in a hushed, yet clearly enraged voice. �He�s my partner and we go through stuff like this together. I�m a big girl. I�ll get back ok. Just go,� Tatiana smiled gently at me, understanding my position and kissed my cheek gently. �We understand,� She said her uniquely broken English. �Be safe and if you need, call.� I nodded and sent them away. I rubbed my temples to try to calm the throbbing headache taking over my head and walked back to the entrance of the male dressing room. Since I had already changed into my warm up suit, I sat down in one of the folding chairs and tried to get comfortable. It was suddenly freezing in the usually warm rink so I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head and pulled my knees to my chest and let my thoughts drift. I was probably going to be here for awhile� -Flashback- The night before the Freedance I walked into my room and threw my skating bag into the closet. �Jen? Jen are you here?� I called, looking for my roommate. The Olympic committee thought it would be best to pair skaters by country. They also decided that it would be best not to put dancers with dancers, pair skaters with pair skaters. Competitve nature might come out and fights would be breaking out left and right. So, they paired me with Jennifer Robinson, which was fine with me. I always managed to have fun with any of my roommates and she was a sweet girl. I walked in and found a note� �Shae, I hope you don�t mind but I�m staying with my family tonight at their hotel. Nerves are really starting to hit me and I just need to be with them. If you need me, call. I�ll see you tomorrow at the Free Dance and if I don�t talk to you before, good luck! Jen� I smiled to myself. I knew the real reason for her leaving. She knew how nervous I secretly got before each big competition and knew I liked being alone. Despite how hard I tried to hide it, everyone seemed to see through it. I turned on all the lights, got changed into my pajamas and began taking off the layers of competition make up I was wearing. �That�s disgusting!� I exclaimed aloud to myself as I glanced down at my face cloth. I rolled my eyes. �Great Shae�now you�re talking to yourself�.cut it out�stop!� My nerves were really starting to affect me and I needed to talk to someone. I picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number. �Hello?� �Hey, it�s me. You want to come over?� �You getting anxious too?� I rolled my eyes. �I�m getting nervous, if that�s what you mean, Vic!� I replied with a laugh. He laughed kindly. Closing my eyes, I reveled in the comforting sound. �I�ll be there in a second,� �Ok,� I quickly pulled my hair into a pony tail and walked to the door. Passing the mirror, I did a double take. After skating all day long, it was an understatement to say I didn�t look very put together. Ok, I�ll admit it, I looked a mess! I heard a knock on the door. Shrugging my shoulders, I went to open it. There wasn�t much time to improve on my appearance anyway. Besides, it�s Vic�why should it matter what I look like? I stopped and grabbed my tube of lip gloss. I smeared it quickly on my lips, popped an altoid into my mouth, and chewed it quickly. I reached for the door knob and stopped quickly. My eyes teared up. I grabbed a water bottle and drank quickly, trying to get rid of the burning sensation going down my throat. �Mental note to self,� I reminded myself quickly. �never EVER chew an altoid�ever!� I heard another knock. �Shae-Lynn?� �Coming,� I choked out, and opened the door. He came in and looked at me. �Don�t you look nice,� he commented with a smile. I smirked at him and closed the door. �Are you being sarcastic, Kraatz?� He looked at me with that bewildered look only Victor Kraatz can have. �No, really, I was being serious,� he said sitting down on my bed. I sat beside him and smiled. �Besides,� he continued. �it would be too dangerous to tell you otherwise,�. �Oh really?� I said acting disinterested. �Like this?� I asked, grabbing his earlobe and pulling hard. �Is that what you mean?� I laughed as he overly exaggerated an expression of pain and swatted my hand away. I released my grip, doubling over in laughter as he allowed himself to fall off the bed and hold onto his ear protectivley. �You could have KILLED me,� he said trying to keep a straight face. �Oh please, I�m not that strong,� I said, wiping my eyes, which were tearing up from laughter. �Come on,� I said, reaching down to help him up. He shook his head. �Noooo, thank you,� he said, getting up himself. �I�d rather avoid the wrath of Shae-Lynn Bourne. Who knows what other body part you intend on hurting. I don�t know about you, but I�ve got to skate tomorrow,� I felt the smile from my face fade as I was once again reminded of competing. The nerves returned faster than ever. �Wow, you�re pretty nervous, huh?� he asked, sitting next to me again. I nodded. �I don�t know why. I�m not usually like this�we just have such a good chance but with the judging in this competition already�� He put his hand up to my mouth. �Stop,� he said softly. �We can�t control that. We can only control the way we skate. We need to just go out there and have fun,� I sighed, knowing again that he was right. �I know�I�m sorry�� He shook his head. �You don�t have to apologize to me. It�s ok to be nervous. Hell, look at me!� I grinned at him and nodded. �Thanks,� �No problem,�. He settled back into the bed and picked up the TV guide, flipping through it. I moved over to sit next to him. I glanced at his slightly red earlobe. �You gonna live?� I asked gesturing to it. Again, that overly dramatic expression of his came out. �I honestly don�t know. I mean, you could have done some serious damage and it�s red and�� I rolled my eyes and laughed. Leaning over, I placed a quick kiss on the tip of his ear. It was something that, I think, surprised us both. I reached over and switched on the TV. �You�re such a baby, Victor,� I said, leaning my head on his shoulder and relaxing. I felt him shrug, �eh, oh well. I�ve accepted it�you�ll have to accept it too,� -End Flashback- Who would have thought that yesterday, those kids just goofing around and having fun would be so unhappy the very next day. I sighed and tried to get comfortable in the hard, cold metal chair I was sitting in. I glanced at my watch and realized I had just missed my last shuttle to the athlete�s village. I hoped Victor would come out soon so maybe we could get a taxi or something. I felt my eye lids droop slightly and I yawned. Maybe I�d feel more energized if I just closed my eyes for a few minutes�.. Victor�s POV: I ran my hands through my hair, frustrated as I, once again, replayed the images of tonight�s skate through my head. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn�t get the image of Shae-Lynn and myself falling. I knew that it was me who failed. Me who ruined our dream. Me that let HER down. Nothing anyone could say could change that. I got changed as soon as I got into the dressing room. I couldn�t bear to the thought of feeling that costume on my body another second. I didn�t want any reminders of what had happened. Then, I sat down on the bench and just thought. The guilt was eating away at me. If only I hadn�t gotten so carried away. If only I hadn�t taken that last edge so deep. If only� �Sorry to interrupt Sir,� said a male voice. I glanced up and looked at one of the maintenance workers. �We�re actually starting to close the rink,� �Oh, Sorry about that,� I said gathering my stuff to leave. He began to mop down the floor. �No problem,� he said. �There are more people in the building. We�re just starting to remind people. Oh, by the way, you�re girlfriend�s waiting out there for you,� he turned and got back to his work. �My girlfriend?� Maiiki? She wasn�t my girlfriend anymore and was in Finland. �Yeah� he said as he continued to mop. �Really cute, blond hair, Canadian Olympic Team outfit. She�s been trying to stay awake to wait for you for about�.three hours. Poor thing looks exhausted,� �Shae,� I said aloud to myself. �Yeah, I think that�s what her jacket said. You�re really lucky having a girl waiting up for you. I get home by three in the morning and I don�t have anyone waiting up for me,� �Yeah, I am pretty lucky,� I said softly. �Thanks for letting me know. Have a good night,� �You too,� he said turning to get back to his work. I exited the dressing room and looked to my left to see Shae-Lynn curled up in a tight ball, trying to stay warm and comfortable on the obviously uncomfortable folding chairs. It warmed my heart to see that she cared about me enough to just wait for me, even when I pushed her away so much. Even in such an comfortless environment, she looked so innocent and peaceful. So much so that I forgot all about what happened that night for the first time. I reached down and gently smoothed the hair that had fallen from her ponytail away from her face and she began to stir. �Vic?� she said drowsily. �Hey�� She tried to make herself look more awake, to no avail. �Listen, I know you told me to go but�� �Thanks,� I said simply �You�re not mad?� She asked looking at me, her eyes questioning. �No, I think that I really did need you to be here and seeing that you cared enough�it just meant a lot so thanks,� She smiled. �You�re welcome. What time is it?� I glanced at my watch. �Um, around 2�.I think we missed the shuttle,� She giggled softly. �I think we missed it two hours ago,� she said standing up and grabbing her stuff. We began to walk down the hallway in silence. It wasn�t awkward�it was just that it seemed as if we both had something to say but wasn�t ready to say it yet. I finally broke the silence� �Can I come over tonight so we can talk?� �I think that�s a good idea,� she said almost immediately. �I�ll be there,� I said as I hailed a taxi, loaded our stuff and we got in.
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