Chapter 7
�Mommy?� I wondered through the house and finally came across my mother crouched in the middle of her bed, listening intently to her Discman. She glanced up at the sound of my voice and removed the headphones. �What is it sweetie?� �Victor and I were talking and I didn�t understand something,� I struggled to put a look of confused innocence on my face, �Are you busy?� �I�m never too busy for my girl.� An arm snaked around my waist and I was pulled into her comfortable lap, �What�s the problem.� �Why did you two never have a farewell tour like all the other skaters? Didn�t you want one?� �Of course I wanted to skate in one! Our fans had always been really loyal and I wanted to give something back. Unfortunately, I found out that I was pregnant with you. It would have been difficult for my to skate a spring tour because by that time I�d be over seven months.� �Oh.� I paused and thought hard. Something just wasn�t making sense. �Why didn�t you do a farewell after I was born?� �Well, you were born June 8th, and by the time another tour rolled around, Victor was married and he and Maikki were busy being newlyweds.� A bitter tone crept into mom�s soft voice, �It�s very busy work to be a newlywed.� I squirmed around and gave mom and tight hug. After another quick squeeze, I retreated to my bedroom. My conversation with mom had not provided the clear explanation I had been hoping for. If anything, it left me even more confused. Victor hadn�t mentioned mom being pregnant, so it was safe to assume he hadn�t known at that point. Maybe finding out when Victor had been told would help. I reopened the diary. *diary* July 2nd, 2004 I was skimming through IFS and came across a most intriguing announcement. I�ll paste it here. 2003 World Ice dance champion, Shae-Lynn Bourne, and choreographer Nikolai Morozov, welcomed their first child, daughter Ekaterina Morgan Morozova, to the world on June 8th. I can�t pretend that I don�t care about this. I can�t pretend that it doesn�t have a profound effect on me. If I hadn't been such a honourable fool, perhaps Shae and I would be announcing the birth of our own child. It is also painful to know that after all Shae and I have been through together that she hadn�t told me herself. I wonder if Shae will experience the same pain when she reads about my wedding to Maikki. But at least she had the choice on whether or not to participate. At least I told Shae-Lynn in advance! The wedding wouldn�t come as a surprise to her. She wouldn�t have to find out by reading some friggin' magazine! *enddiary* I closed the diary, somewhat shaken. I�d never heard Victor swear before. I�d never heard him sounding so bitter either. He�d started off so calmly, albeit sad, that I hadn�t expected him to become so furious. He sounded angrier in this entry than he had when mom had told him she wouldn�t skate the tour with him. Perhaps he�d realized that he�d lost not only mom�s love, but her friendship as well. Perhaps he�d realized how much he needed her trust and support. Perhaps he�d realized that he had given up the most important thing in his life: his partner, in every sense of the word. Perhaps he�d finally realized that he�d chosen the wrong girl� Perhaps. *diary* Maikki had been in Finland while Shae and I were having our fling. Nikolai had been in Connecticut the entire time, despite the fact that he had rarely been sober. I�d been so wrapped up in attempting (unsuccessfully) to keep my hands of Shae-Lynn that I hadn�t even considered how she must have been dealing with Nikolai. The little tramp had been cheating on both of us. She�d kiss me and then share her bed with him. A June baby simply proved my theory. I hadn�t yet told her I was leaving and she was already back to f*cking Nikolai! *enddiary* That wasn�t right. Mommy isn�t, could never have been, anything like that. Victor was making her out to be a slut and she wasn�t. She wasn�t! I couldn�t argue with the facts though. She had gotten pregnant with me before Victor had left. Way to shatter a girl�s illusions about her mother. My mind searched for an explanation that would shed a better light on her. Maybe�maybe I�d been born early and� but that didn�t show how she could have possibly avoided my father during those months when she secretly seeing Victor. This was simply getting too confusing for one eight-year old to handle! Who could I trust enough to turn to?
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