"The Invisible Boyfriend"
Last night the girls and I went to Homecoming dance. It was fun...I stretched my tendon in the back of my knee. Mr. Miller (sigh), haha, felt my leg for awhile and told me that nothing was probably dislocated. I sat in the chair in the back, jammin'. We went to the McDonalds drive through-I'm all "don't forget the ranch." Well, they didn't forget that.BUt they totally forgot to give me the salad to go with it. haha!
Angela's brother is crazy about me...and I'm feelin' the same way about now. He happens to be the one who carried me up the stairs and into the house after the dance. I love talking with him. And his embrace is sooo comfortable! Thank you God!
Love,
Sarah
The Poet In Me:October 2nd 2000
Chris.....who ever you may be.......in degrees, in theories, in ways.....I love you. The person, the love and character, you have given me a peek into has amazed and astounded me. Why do you feel you need, trust, and care for...me? Before you even got the slightest glimpse of me.....you loved me...I cannot understand that. But perhaps some things are best left a mystery.
I'm glad you told me your feelings. Without that said I would probably remain empty and somewhat lonely. I believe in some profound and crazy way...God brought us together. And how our paths mes is a peculiar story to me...neither dramatic nor ordinary...It remains "all-of-the-above."
And I miss you. Your confident smile...mischeivious eyes-always searching through my soul. Your mulitple personalities. I do feel out-of-place when it comes to your history. As ridiculous as this may sound to you-I feel like your past is my unattainable. That I'll never match up to what the others have been. Brit...Cat? Even though these people shouldn't matter...I'm dying to know...but yet I'm afraid of what might be there. The unexpected...no control scares me...I think too much. I miss you. Even though 2 days ins't very long-the last 7 have been the longest ever. Don't forget me....
Love,
Sarah
Chris...I talked to you on the phone two nights ago. The things you said, the way you said them....did you cheat on me? If you did, I hate you. The knowing you did...in my gut...I've cried...but you never broke me. Once I get the chance, I'll talk to you in person and approach you face to face-ask you point blank. Though I already know what your answer will be-andmy answer will have to be "bye."
I understand thisson called"mission" of yours but i dont think sleeping with her was part of it.
Sarah?
Where are you? In everyway, I feel I've lost you. I don't feel you anymore. I'm afraid that when you do come back in November you're going to walk up to a person who doesn't know you and you'll be hurt. But I'm not going to be selfish about it. You're not mine, are you? That thought makes me want to cry somehow. I guess I still feel you, don't I?
No...youre doing something that takes a lot of strength, persistant, and well...balls. Winning the battles is easier when you're feed. Do you have the Word? the music?me?haha If you answered no for any of those, you need to come back down here. Right away! haha I really do care for you. Come back to me.
Sarah
I talked to Leslie on the phone-told him about me and Chris. I don't want to tell Jesse though-he'll tell me I'm unrightious for doing the little bit I actually did with him. He's made me cry before...he knows how to get to me like that. One of first things Chris piped up about when he moved back down here was the war in Isreal. And then he related it to prophesy. I'm scared of that kinda talk. And he wouldnt let it go even when I practically begged him to stop! I almost had an attack of anxiety right there on the beach.
When Chris came to pick me up last night at like 6:30pm we stood outside talking for about twenty minutes. Then we decided that we'd drive around until we came up with an idea of where to go. I had no money-neither did he. We drove around the park...some ground was being dug up, then we decided to go to the riverwalk.
We sat there for about two hours. Ended up argueing over something stupid(I hate argueing) and miscommunicating almost the whole time. He ended up telling me he was frustrated and, get this, dissappointed in me and "us" and was about to spout off the just be friends line...hey wasnt that suppose to be my line? Wasnt he the one who left ME high and dry and then sleep with some girl in Big Bear? We walked off further down the riverwalk in good graces. He would make loud outbursts at the passersbye. Embarrassing me beyond recognition. BUt it was fun I suppose. We were fine cruisin in "friend mode" until a group of senior citizens beelined it right at us. Chris grabbed me around the waste to get me outta harms way-and well...I suppose the whole speal about wanting to just be friends was a crock! Because he kissed me righ then and there! Friend boundary officially crossed..lol
We'll see what happens. Sarah
