| Bubble Dream A bubble is floating in the air, evening sunshine coming in from the big window, reflcting on the bubble surface. The Bubble is rotating gradually and continuously. Around the round, today has been sunny. Day light has almost ended. Some time has landed since I arrived in this city. I was sitting in a dark hallway. Cold and stained. I couldn't feel my finger tips. Thinking about what it means for me to be here, wasting my days away. My eyes blinking, my thoughts escaping. Bag of tobacco with no papers, dying lighter & a few remaining matches. Music is still blasting, sound of bassdrum boosting from upstairs. It was only a week ago, I was living in a dream. Dreams always make me feel as though I'm swimming underwater. Underground world, where only a few can understand. Lights shining, beats pounding, high tones melting away my brain. Music flows like ocean wave, surrounding my body & others into kinder & warmer dimension. Recognition for myself, ignition and agitation for my frustration & anger, aimlessly disappear from the corner of my eyes. I'm safe and sound, life is everywhere around. Bubble was floating around before it popped & faded, destroying the difference between inside the bubble world & outside the bubble world. I'm afraid of leaving my own world, everything happens underneath my blanket, where I stare into my world blankly. I'm afraid of losing what I had built, it was build only to be destroyed, unfulfilled & broken. Still the target is much further down my way. Is it my way or yours? You're mixing my being into your perception, proudly and foolishly. Every flock of sheep has somewhere to go at night, dreaming of another daylight and big open field full of green grass. I'm crushing into the world, your world, outside of my blanket. Time is ticking away, waving its fingers to trap me in. Go on, you've had your fun, but don't think you're the lucky one. By now, you understand the irony of the world, more you think and struggle, less happy and innocent you will grow. Those, who were on your side, might leave you in cold long winter. 5 o'clock beore sunrise. You will sit besides your window, gazing into the sky, waiting for the sunrise, awake and left all alone, in your cold wooden chair. Looking left and right nervously, checking and choosing right and wrong realisticly. How should that matter when you're worthlessly alone? Coldness sinking into your bones, frustrated not to have anyone to complain to. Identity built among others, identity built among yourself. Balance it right, sane mentality is very fragile, a bubble floating in the air, wishing for a good weather, afraid of another blow of wind. You can save up for rainy days, peanuts life is all very fine. Sometimes creation is the answer I give myself, and self is something I cannot fully comprehend. All I know is that, time is passing and I'm resting in time with my elbows down on a table. Or is it me passing the time? Bubble is going up towards the ceiling, ending in a subtle explosion. Stories always end with an explosion, and ends always mark a new beginning. Pretend that you don't see, a bloody fist raised up towards the sky, screaming in joy. Their kind is the most advanced kind, they have no fear or hesitation. It's only matter of time before they prove it to the world. Gun with a missing bullet, already been fired. Sharp knife with blood stains, covered in morning dew. Do you choose the world or does the world choose you? I thought that I chose the world, then how could the world be wrong? Your world, my world, light is getting dim and shadows are long. Concrete jungle with sound of jet engine echoing and fading in the background. Standing and gazing at tall new buildings with no facial expressions, where workers talk about last and next fridays and the weather report and forecast, today then tomorrow. T.G.I.F. I'm alive and well. I only wish that they had higher quality coffee in this office, it is extra work for me without a doubt to go take the elevator all the way downstairs to get to starbucks coffee. How could I find myself, distinguish myself among others? I'm an average coffee drinker by this country's standard. Where do I go from here? I'm locked up in a cubicle cell, where people suffer from lack of pain & real sorrow. They complain about the rain & their breaking up relationships due to boredom, which they had mistaken for never-ending freedom. Bubbles flow around like a feather from high above falling into the ocean. I may see you again where I come outside of my bubble, remembering your brace and my broken grace. I could be alone & wait for the sunshine, besides my windown. Snow on the ground would make my morning brither than my eyes can hold, more beatiful than any mornings I've seen, heard or been told. I'd take a walk, stepping on virgin snow with my boots on. Cracking the ice surface on the morning snow. Breathing out white breath, feeling the freshness of winter cold in my lungs & lips. Trailing through trees with no one in my sight. Looking behind to spot my own footsteps, reaveling my history, looking forward to find what lies in the future mystery. My wooden chair is squeeking in the cold, screaming that they're aging old. How strong do you have to be to hold yourself from mental & physical crisis? How strong do you have to be to hold others? Cell phone is calling out, that it's too cold to have a conversation. Conversion & translation only happen under the right circumstances. Sometimes ignoring the differences. Another night is rained out, crossing another date off my calender, still not ready to surrender. Now I see my way, wide and clear, unsure and keep, sharp in Black and White, foggy ruin down the forest. River is running thru and weather is extremely pure and cold. When frustration explode, it leaves much clearer vision of where I stand. I'm only biding my time, talking to you & making you laugh. Please don't try to impress me, for it means nothing to me when you are just pretending. Pretending that you're having fun. Only taking your share. It will happen to you and to me from time to time. It's only matter of possibilities. Flip the coin, we can decide for ourselves. You can choose to break the bubble, prepared for another beginning. You can choose to wait, it's only matter of time that bubble to be unbubbled. Laugh all you want, Cry all you want. Dreams only last as long as you keep your eyes closed. Bubbles keep floating in the air, why don't you come out to play? kaoru |