Prologue

On the 16^th of March 1999, five unemployed Canadians wandered into the New Zealand bush near Wellington on a top-secret mission to locate classified documents about the NZ government conspiracy to boycott the Kraft Dinner Food Company. They found the documents and were heading back to a meeting point in Auckland, but were chased and caught by farmers who relentlessly bludgeoned them with sheep shearers that were wrapped in No. 8 fencing wire. Two hours later…

…they found themselves completely naked while trapped in a locked shed on a farm in the middle of the South Island. This is their leader’s account of what happened, how they escaped, and how they managed to survive for five days on nothing but an old rusty gas barbecue, precooked sausages, and twenty bottles of Wattie’s Tomato Sauce.