(PEARLY GATES, HEAVEN) Yesterday, St. Peter released a message from God saying the Almighty is "way beyond caring" about the American Pledge of Allegiance and its controversial clause "one nation under God."
In the statement, God says "At first, when I heard about it, I'm like �no way!' Then, like, all my friends on Earth are going �they can NOT do this to you!' And I'm like, �yeah! You can't do that! See if I ever come back!'"
"But then I'm like, y'know, America's got issues�big time," says God. "I mean, separation of church and state has been there, like, forever. Y'know, longer than the Pledge. So, like, if they can't figure out they made a mistake in the first place, it's not my fault, y'know?"
"Don't get me wrong," continues God. "I thought it was totally rad they included me in 1954, but, y'know, people change and get stuff up their butts and then everybody's all like �whoa!' And my friends are like �oh-my-God!' And I'm like "y'know? Whatever. . .' I am so much more than this."
God expects to spend future days "chilling, shopping and hanging out, y'know, like . . . y'know." |
