With nothing besides solitude
To fill the surrounding space,
I lay here shackled
To this lonely place;
As the world hurries by
Without a second glance,
I see that I
Should probably take a chance,
To find the discarded key
And escape these familiar walls
And attempt to rescue myself
From this endless fall,
This painful plummet,
Destined to be my end,
With wounds too severe
For anyone to mend.
But instead I'll stay here shackled,
To continue down this path,
And wait to hit the bottom
To see my spectacular crash.
I am without a doubt my own worst enemy.
My idle mind constructs the way things could be.
I slowly close my eyes and drift to that place,
A wonderful haven adorned with his face.
Here my daydreams become situations so real,
And against my skin his touch I can feel.
He strokes my cheek and says all the right things,
And with his warmth, security he brings.
I lay in his arms for hours on end,
It has become so real I don't have to pretend.
Then abruptly I wake from my consuming vision,
And realize that it has become my addiction,
To live in my mind away from the world,
Where for once I can be a truly content girl.
He didn't say "never",
But who knows what that means,
And now I can't help,
But relive our past scenes;
"Why did he do that?
What was it he meant?
Did I interpret it
According to his intent?"
So many mixed signals,
Of love and desire,
And so many lost wishes,
Of giving myself entire.
So here I am now,
Once again at the start,
Crestfallen, and alone,
Polishing a tarnished heart.
He didn't say "never",
So I can still dream,
That someday "forever",
Is what he will say to me.
Is he the one?
Or, do I want it so badly,
That I have convinced myself that he is,
Against my better judgement.
I fear I have become that girl:
The one that wants nothing more
Than to meet her one,
The girl who hunts, for one sole purpose,
And despite her best efforts,
Will forever be perceived as the epitome
Of desperation.
I fill the temporary void in his life;
I am a substitute for what he is missing;
he gently brushes my skin but still he's just out of my grasp;
a movement so simple as to reach out and touch him is so painfully impossible;
I hold the desire but am restricted by hidden rules and feelings,
pushed aside into the darkness;
and all along it's been like an incredible dream,
an unfulfillable dream which will inevitably never come true,
for his heart is filled with want for another,
in turn causing me underlying pain
to know that I can never be that one,
I can never occupy any part of his aching heart and soul,
because soon, the one for which his heart aches will return,
and I will be left back where I began,
alone, and without him.
Skin is no longer skin;
a bitter shell of a girl remains;
blood flows no more,
a reserve of tears has overtaken my veins.
My insides have deteriorated
leaving a vast emptiness,
void of all familiarity,
and filled with threatening loneliness.
And the space inside my chest,
once with my heart inseparable,
is a pile of shattered glass,
indistinguishable and hopelessly irreparable.
A second chance
Left to the same end,
In the repeat
Things were different in my head.
Why was I thinking
Everything would change,
Cause nothing was different
Just painfully the same.
High from you.
You can ignore me,
But just the hint of your enveloping scent
could keep me going for days.
Can I bottle it up
and skip the pain you give me?
