Nevermind too much coffee makes you impotent, the fucking coffee shops are just as bad. Well, for poor canadian tourist Edward Skwarek thats the case. Eddie is apparently suing starbucks coffee resturants for gettng his dick trapped in a toilet seat. Eddie reckons that the period after the log, but before you wipe, he reached over to get some bog paper. In doing so, the seat slipped and trapped his little eddie in the process.
Result:
The court case is still ongoing, but now eddie's lady, Sherrie is now suing starbucks for $300,000 for being deprived of eddies sweet performance in bed. Come on warby, sing: "don't want to sue starbucks..."
Mike Brodson was your basic villian in prison, for robbing. This prison in Ohio is notourios for its forty foot walls. So anyway our hero mike saw an opportuinty to escape over the honking walls when the daft cunt fell and broke his leg. Mikey promptly sued Ohio prison authorities for.... get ready for this.... not telling him that climbing 40ft walls were dangerous. It gets worse:
Result:
Mikey only has the finest quilted toilet paper and finest tasting gruel now. Still in prison, but he got $12,000 for his efforts.
Teenager Carl Truman was pissed when his neighbour ran over hand in Los Angeles way back in 1998. The rouge teen said that the honda that ran over his hand "hurt like fuck". He sued his neighbour for damages to the tendons in his hand.
Result:
Even Carl must have been suprised at the result of this one. He received $45,000 and medical expenses even though he was trying to steal his neighbours hubcaps at the time. Jackass.
Kathleen Robertson in Austin, Texas, looked a tit when she tripped over an unruly kiddy at her local furniture store.
Result:
Yes, this is quite a result. She won a massive $470,000 compensation in january 2000 - even though the sprog that floored her was her own damn son.
Idiot Marv Grazinski of Oklahoma bought a brand spanking new 32ft Winnebago motor home. No, I've not heard of those, but anyway, they do exist becuase Marvy set the thing on cruise control (whislt on a motor-way) and went in the back to make a cuppa. Unsuprisingly the bugger crashed.
Result:
Marvy sued Winnebago for not stating in the manual that you couldn't actually leave the wheel to drive by itself. The almighty jury awarded him a rediculous $1,250,000 and a brand new motor-home. Whether the motor-home was another Winnebago remains unclear.
Ohio agian. Damn, what is it with these people? Probably on the munchies, Robert Forster is suing both M&Ms and his local store for.... wait for this... "mislabelled and defective merchandise". Why would he sue? Well, he found a normal M&M in packet of peanut ones. Well, its a little worse than that. You can even tell by the shape that isn't a peanut in a M&M, but none the less Robbie bit into an M&M too hard bacause he though a peanut was in it. As there wasn't, he found he had bit too hard and actually bit into his lip. He reckons that the injury was that bad, it required a visit to hospital. Hmmm.
Result:
The jury still haven't decided, but if he wins, he can win a sweet $300,000. Good pun there, eh?
Not all yanky tits get thier way for rediculous claims. Mrs Dorothy Johnson gave her beloved poodle a quick wizz in the microwave after a bath for "just a couple of minutes". She assures the courts that the setting was only on low, but she still managed to kill the poor mutt.
Result:
Well, there wasn't one really. She sued the manufacturers but the case got dismissed. Poor pooch.