You've probably not thought of this, but you can use science for your own good. Yes, of course medication is thought out by boring scienctists, of which is a benefit towards you in numerous ways. But thats the boring type of science that someone like myself does not honestly give two fucks about. Nah - the type of science I'm talking about involves being creative and you get some comedy from it at the same time. Cast your mind back to high school. Oh what fun we would have mixing all sorts of chemicals and heating pennies with bunsen burners and leaving them on the table. Not exactly science as such, but still, it cause a fair few larfs. Now you can put those bunsen burners away! Now we are a fair few years older, we can use science in more of a mature fashion: to look at tits. When I was a kid I'd have never thought of this, but its basically fucking genius.
Remember doing boring crap at school about the spectrum and using mirrors and such? Well, fuck the boring crap away and keep the idea of reflections in mind. Now implement this into real life and benefit from seeing all sorts of interesting things you would not normally see. Example? Okay...
Last night, although I couldn't hear the usual screams of rapture, I had a feeling Andy clarke (my neighbour) was banging the fanny. I had the clever idea to hold a mirror out of my window and I could actually see into andys room. Perverted? Yes. But did I see anything decent? Not really. Andy wasn't doing it at all. But atleast I'll know for next time hes at it, I'll get to see his lady-friends tits and everything. I can't lose. Not enough? Well, next time you find yourself at the Carling Leeds festival, try this 'un. (I'm sure most of you have heard me arse off about this one). Due to last years fires, the Carling weekend organisers had supposidly upgraded the toilets to a 'burn-proof' status. Expecting more than the crappy porta-toilets, I was chuffed as hell. Sadly, this was wishful thinking. The toilets had no roof, no locks, no free arse-paper, and the worst bit of all except the part where people would walk in on you mid-shit would have to be the 'storage' of the actual waste. Every toilet would just lead to this big hole and every ones crap fell in there. Brave people could put thier heads down the toilets and see somebody doing the same on the other side. Anyway, after a fair few alcohol fuelled trips to the bog, I noticed that the big container below had started to fill and had actually become reflective. I was simply pissing when I saw in the reflection a girl wiping her fanny in the cubical next to me! To be honest, I though it was my reflection at first, that nearly gave me cause to sit down and unload my own child. I could see in clear detail her having a good wipe. Oh, the humour. I then noticed her a few days later watching a live band. I remember thinking "I've seen your fanny without your permission". Now theres not many people you can say that to.
Another you might like to try by yourself is paying a visit to fantastics. For those who are either dumb or ignorant, fantastics is a kebab house near southway. At night, the greasy trukish lovers make their way upstairs for some telly and kip. All 20 of them. Anyway, next time the window is open at night, have a good look through. The top third of the window opens and faces down towards the street. You simply look up and see the reflection inside! Obviously, this time we dont want to see any naked turkish men (uuugh!), but with any luck, rap-boy (Fantastics worker done for rape) will be having his wicked way with louise rice. Or perhaps you just want to see some midnight turkish antics. Go for it.
Why stop there? Sure reflections rock, but what about shadows? Next time you suspect a couple at it like rabbits inside a tent, simply get a mate to shine a tourch through one side. Simply take a guess what position they'll be in and stand on the other side from the tourch to see if you were right. If the shadow looks quite big though, chances are its a meat-head so drop that tourch and run like fuck. Mind you, you could play with this idea from the couples point of view. Get a willing lady-friend and simply pretend to rag her back out, with a tourch shining on one side of course. Passers by will notice you 'shagging' and when you emerge from your tent, expect instant popularity.
If you try any of these or think of new 'uns, let me know. But I'll probably be bored of the topic by then, anyway. So dont bother.
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