 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Is axl rose a cunt? Read this to find out! |
|
|
| No matter who the hell you think you are, there are just some things in life you do not do. For example, under no circumstance should another male kiss another male. How wrong would that be...? Male slobber in your own mouth... Arrggh! Again, people should be shot for trying to blow their nose without a hankey. Sean thinks he a right hero when he manages to get all his nasal gung out by simply blowing out and aiming the snot out. However, this often has disaterous results with its landing all over shoes and nearby people and stuff. Quite simply, its a thing you do not do. And no matter who you think you are, you do not go around thinking you own the world even if you did write 'sweet child o' mine'. You see, for some reason, axl rose has become the biggest prick on the planet. Not only does he think hes the badgers nadgers, but he thinks his vast amounts of money and legendary celebrity status let him do what the hell he wants. Well, okay, he can do what the hell he wants. But why the should he be allowed to do this? Hes just a fat prick. For example: |
|
|
| November 2002: Fired two personal assistants, sparking outrage. Assistant 1 got sacked because he didn't bring enough bottled water to one of axls shows. Yes, axls shows, not guns and roses. Its all about axl now - guns and roses died when the first band member left. Assistant B got fired because Axl was late for a show. Yes, I did write that correctly. You can just see it now "oh fuck i'm late lets fire someone and drink my water". What a prat. |
|
|
| August 2002: Leeds and reading. Well, actually, should I just say leeds because hes too much of an arrogant prick to play 2 shows in 2 nights. Lets see, it was 1/2 a full on million buff for playing at leeds. Yep, the greedy twat. He already sleeps on a bed of rolled up $3 bill, y'all and wipes his ass on cash. But another million? Chuck it on the pile with the rest and laugh at the poor saps who paid to see him. Like me. Okay, so hes already laughing with his million in the bank, so lets be 45 minuets late to really piss the crowd off. Fashionabley late, my ass. |
|
|
| Some palce, some time: Maybe I should have researched more before I wrote this e-mail. But who cares? Im sure the die-hard axl fans will remember when he pulled out of some big show last minuet resulting in big fat riots. |
|
|
| You snooze you lose: Okay, what do you get when you add axl with a recording studio? FUCK ALL THATS WHAT!! How long does it take to record an album? Well blink one-eighty-two wrote all their 'choons' for 'take off your pants and jacket' in 2 weeks. Good on 'em. The the White Stripes pissed out recording their album in a time-friendly 3 weeks and it only cost �8,000. Now we look at axl and his hench-men. The cost has supposed to have already exceeded the 1 million mark to make, but wait, its been 10 years since the announcement of a new album. 10 years! Has it got a guest appearence from God or something? Because no album is that important. Its supposed to be out this winter, but lets say an extra 10 years, just in case. The name was gonna be called 'chinese democracy' but they cant even call it that now because its taken so damn long to make THE FUCKING IDIOT. If he has any sense, he'll realise how important his fans are, get une finger out of une ass, and get working his bollocks off (for a change). And whats with the wig, baldy boy? |
|
|
| Laugh in his face: Ex-band members of guns n roses including slash and the bass player that looks like a haddock and another original band member (fucked on names sorry) have started their own band. I remember reading in Kerrang! last week or whenever that they've started their own band and "dont want a lead singer like axl". How damn funny is that? Proper piss on axls chips by setting up the same line-up but with a different name and changing the frontman. The exact opposite to what axls doing. Can you only see tension mounting? Ah, these are good times, boys. |
|
|
| Treatment? Axl always seems to demand his special treatment for wherever he goes. Specially bottled water, people employed to ass-kiss and the fattest cars avaible. Whilst the 'high life' may be a good one, he lives alongside the likes of jennifer lopez. Most rock stars live by the rock star life. Drink. Drugs. Sex. Rehab. Repeat. But axls sipping his bottled water with his ass kissers just like J-lo. What a puff! He wants to be a real diva as hes worried he fat old body cant take the rock'n'roll life style anymore. Besides, the water is full of minerals. He wants special treatment? I'll give him ultra-special korally treatment: foot up ass. |
|
|
| Interwho? Refusing to do interviews for 7 or so years is pretty damn shitty but then adding a hefty charge for the publication to print it, is, quite simply, sad. Why must he become even richer? Like he needs the money. Actually, whilst im on the sbject, what is it with shitty celebrities thinking they can charge money for interviews? Who the hell is going to pay for what somebody who is blatantly rude have to say, excpet the obvious exception of media drones. Well, heres a suprise for you folks. In the middle of the night, I kiddnapped axl and made him talk for an exclusive interview. How did I manage to make him talk? No, not with cash. Did you think I could afford those prices? Nah, I simply threatened to switch his bottle mineral water with the same stuff... but out of a tap!! That'll make the bastard talk! |
|
|
| My Interview with mr. rose! |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
Korally boy: So how are you mr. rose?
Axl rose: can I go home?
Kb: Of course not. Now tell me, why are you such a cunt?
AR: I've not really noticed to be honest.
Kb: Trust me, you have been. How can you kill two people?
AR: Kill?
Kb: Sorry, fire.
AR: I was having a bad day and they pissed me off.
Kb: So? You always piss me off and I have to face it.
AR: ..um...
Kb: Also, why were you late playing at the leeds festival?
AR: There were techincal difficulties.
Kb: Bollocks! The stage sat quiet for half hour before anything happened.
AR: Oh, that leeds festival? I was waiting for my shipment of bottled water.
Kb: Didnt you care that there were thousands of people waiting for you?
AR: You wouldn't like to play an important show dehydrated, would you? Mind you, you're a nobody, so I wouldn't expect you to know what its like....
Kb: I'll show you a nobody.... |
|
|
|
|
| ***** 14 minuets of ass beating***** |
|
|
|
|
AR: I'm sorry, please stop hitting me!! How about free tickets to my next show?
Kb: When is the show?
AR: I'm doing a world tour when 'chinese communism' gets released.
Kb: That wont be for another 5 years!
AR: Yeah, but the world tour is going to be amazing!
Kb: Where do you intend to play?
AR: The world tour will consist of 5 shows.
Kb: Arrrgh, you fat lazy bastard!!!
AR: What? Its the longest tour I've done in 20 years.
Kb: Whatever. Finally, can I ask, would you like to play at the folk and boat festival in my home town?
AR: $1 million, no probs.
Kb: You misunderstand. Its for charity.
AR: Whats charity?
Kb: Oh, come on, bob geldofs playing!
AR: Fuck that, then.
Kb: Yeah, actually hes a bigger cunt than you.
AR: Agreed. |
|
|
| Note: the folk and boat festival was the night this text was written. Like you care. |
|
|
| Sick of reading this? Me too, click here |
|
|
|
Written 13/6/03 |
|