------------------------
	It took Shinobu twenty minutes to walk to school, slightly less to walk 
home.  He made the trip faithfully every day, never daring to allow himself to hate 
it.  He went through days of mind-numbing repetition, the boredom of high school 
only broken by his nights.
	He remembered pleading with Koenma for the nights, begging to be 
allowed to attend school during the day, at first disbelieving in the permanence of 
his job, and occasionally smiled in regret.  Nights were what mattered, nights 
would train him for the job he'd have for the rest of his life, or nearly so.  He was 
proud to be a Reikai Tantei.
	It was a warm day in late spring when he first saw the strange youkai.  He 
was walking to school, perspiring despite the soft wind cooling the early morning 
air, his book-bag banging against his leg.  A friend waved to him from across the 
street, but he paid no attention, closing his eyes to hunt for the ki that he vaguely 
sensed.
	The youkai radiated power, and Shinobu could only wonder why some 
Tantei or official of the Reikai hadn't picked up the thing.  It was seated on the 
canal railing about forty feet before Shinobu, stringy green hair hiding its face 
from view as it thumbed slowly through a pop music magazine.  It paused as 
Shinobu drew closer, apparently unafraid of one of the Spirit World's most 
famous and feared investigators.
	Shinobu halted about three feet away from the youkai, a little unnerved by 
its unusual silence.  A little bit of annoyance crept through him, and he frowned; 
he was sick of powerful denizens of the Makai getting into the Ningenkai.  
Koenma had been promising a Ward to his Tantei for years and years; it was 
about time that the junior ruler did something to make their job easier.  This 
particular youkai was obviously dangerous.  Maybe Shinobu could use it as a 
warning, a "look what could happen" kind of bullshit.
	"What are you doing here?" he demanded.  
	Slowly, the youkai's face turned toward him, one slim white hand coming 
up to toss the sheath of hair away, and Shinobu found himself staring into the 
saddest, most beautiful gold eyes he had ever seen.  He faltered, and 
unconsciously took a step backwards.  "This is not your world," he said, as 
evenly as he could, "And in the name of the Reikai Tantei I –"
	His words were choked off as the youkai touched him, both smooth hands 
cupping and stroking Shinobu's face with absolute tenderness.  Its mouth opened 
but what words it wanted to say, in a voice surely as mournful and lovely as its 
eyes, Shinobu would never hear, for the youkai vanished and Shinobu was left 
leaning forward with heart pounding and lips parted, alone but for innocent 
passer-bys that stared as they made their morning journeys.
	
				**		**		**

	The weeks following passed in agony for Shinobu, the green haired youkai 
haunting him in dreams and in waking reality, glimpses of power traces and the 
demon itself.  Alongside a mounting body count of mysterious deaths, it seemed 
almost a teasing effort to get Shinobu's attention.  When days would pass without 
the youkai showing its lovely face anywhere around Shinobu, he would grow 
more and more frustrated with the strange trick that was being played on him.
	"Why me?" Shinobu asked plaintively one day.  He had sat in sullen 
silence in Koenma's office for a quarter of an hour, being lectured endlessly on 
everything and not hearing a word.  Koenma paused, looking indignant at being 
interrupted.
	"Youkai don't make any sense!" Shinobu complained.  "Why is this one 
stalking me?"
	Koenma shrugged.  "Who knows?  Maybe he was just surprised that you 
caught up with him, and wanted to check you out a bit."
	Shinobu shook his head, but didn't say anything.  The youkai had been 
dressed in human clothing, wearing the presumably stolen clothes without the 
sulky and slightly dishonest manner that its kind normally had when trying to 
pass themselves off as humans.  It didn't wear its clothing as if they had been 
stolen; it wore them as if they were bought and paid for, as if it firmly belonged in 
the human world.  It hadn't let Shinobu accidentally notice it, that much was for 
sure.
	The next time he saw the youkai, it seemed, if possible, to be more at 
home than ever.  He had been passing through town on a Saturday afternoon on 
his way home, and had caught a glimpse of green hair out of the corner of his 
eye.
	Shinobu watched from the window of the CD store as the youkai 
purchased a magazine and flirted shamelessly, digging bills and coins out of its 
pockets with graceful exaggeration, the cashier's cheeks a bright pink.  Money, 
Shinobu thought it disbelief; it has money, and it knows how to use it.
	Shinobu's mind froze as the youkai left the store, all thoughts and plans of 
action leaving him as it passed not two feet away from him, for one moment 
reaching out to skate its fingers gently across Shinobu's face, from his cheek to 
his collarbone.  It smiled, looking a lot healthier and happier than the first time he 
had seen it, and Shinobu caught a flash of sharp white teeth for just a heartbeat 
before it was swallowed up in the crowd, its heady scent of forests and chocolate 
lingering in Shinobu's senses.
	"Wait!"  The call was strangled and panicked, almost shocking to Shinobu, 
who wondered in a frantic way about his sudden loss of self-control even as he 
started running to catch the youkai who had shaken him so badly.  Far ahead, 
much too far to have traveled in such a short time, Shinobu saw a green head 
check, and suddenly turn right and vanish.
	Shinobu reached the alleyway a second later, and had charged half way 
down its length before he realized that it was empty of all life, and was surprised 
again when the youkai reached around him from behind, spinning him around 
and pushing him up against the rough wall.  It held Shinobu's eyes for a long 
moment before it leaned forward to kiss him, silencing Shinobu's cry of surprise 
with an angry mouth and quick tongue, running its hands over Shinobu's body 
with a gentleness that belied the fierceness of its kiss.  Shinobu kissed back as 
best as he knew how, his body acting independent of his brain in a way he had 
never known he was capable of.
	In his mind, he remembered demons he had killed without mercy, without 
thought, without even guessing that they could ever be anything other than 
mindless, angry automatons, placed in the Ningenkai for him to kill.  The closest 
he had ever gotten to one of these creatures was snapping a neck or breaking a 
skull, and it was only with a youkai's body – and this youkai's body, this beautiful, 
sad, murderous beast – pressed tight against his own that he first began to 
consider how human one could seem.
	
				**		**		**

	"Itsuki?" 
	Shinobu nodded, eyes to the ground.  "It's his name.  He told me."  
Koenma's face distorted slightly.
	"He told you his name?  When did you have the occasion to speak to 
him?"  He coughed politely when Shinobu gave no sign of responding.  "Well, I 
guess we'd better look him up, shall we?"  He hopped off his chair and scuttled 
over to a squat file cabinet in the corner of the office and deftly pulled it open, 
thumbing through the files for only a short moment before finding one that 
pleased him.
	"Cross-referenced," he mumbled as he pulled himself awkwardly back into 
his chair, clutching the thick folder close to his body until he was seated.  He 
leafed through the enclosed documents slowly, scanning each one briefly as he 
went.  "I think that this one has a little bit of a history, though it seems a little 
vague.  He's half-bred, apparently, water elemental and something else, though 
it's hard to tell, since both the parents are dead."  Koenma shook his head, 
smiling ruefully.  "Water youkai hate it when one of their own mixes with another 
race …" He paused, frowning, and flipped backwards, rereading sections of the 
file with a curious look on his face.  "He's a Guardian, of all things."  His voice 
was quietly amazed.
	"What's that?" Shinobu asked, cocking his head.
	Koenma sighed.  "Years of being Tantei and you don't know what 
Elemental Guardians are?  My own fault for not teaching you, I suppose, but I 
can't believe you didn't pick it up somewhere …" Shinobu laughed.
	"Are you going to tell me what it is or not?"
	"Fine, fine … you never even try to leave an old man in peace … 
harrumph.  There are four Elemental Guardians appointed to protect each of the 
Elemental Orbs – you know what those are, right?  No?  How can you not – ok, 
anyway … they're physical embodiments of the elements, formed when the world 
was created.  They're terribly important … if the orbs ever break, you can kiss life 
as it stands now goodbye.  Well, two Elements don't have fixed Guardians, as 
they were pretty recent discoveries: Light and Dark.  Ever since the Haven and 
the Void were discovered, light and dark demons have been squabbling to get 
credit for their share in creating the worlds, but it took a while for either of the 
Others to get a Guardian.  Your little youkai stalker just happens to be the Master 
of the Void, apparently, meaning he's a pretty important being, which means he 
has no business being in the Ningenkai.  Probably got bored …" He shrugged, 
eyeing Shinobu carefully.  "When did he tell you his name?"
	Shinobu shrugged in response, but said nothing, and eventually Koenma 
stopped pestering him and sent off on assignment in frustration.  He came home 
later than usual but still earlier than his mother.  Hungry after a long day's work, 
he headed first to the kitchen to fix a snack and then to the living room, to fling 
himself down on the couch in time for one of his favorite television shows, Hit 
Studio.  His mother came home halfway through the show and made her usual 
attempts and communication; "How are you?" or "How was school?" and "Are 
you hungry?"
	Shinobu mumbled short answers, his attention divided by the television 
and Itsuki.  He kept one hand carefully over the left side of his neck in what he 
hoped was a casual way, concealing from his mother what he had also kept 
secret from Koenma.  The ugly purple bruise had been puncture wounds hours 
before, healed faster than Shinobu could believe.  Itsuki's teeth had been as 
sharp as they had appeared, but when he had lowered his head to Shinobu's 
neck, the human had felt more pulled out of him than a paltry amount of blood 
and flesh.  Somehow, Itsuki had tapped into his life's energy, leaving him feeling 
exhausted and absurdly tainted.  
	Shinobu licked his lips.  They felt dry and his mouth was cold.  His first 
kiss; it seemed like such a stupid shojo anime clichι, but that afternoon had been 
the first time he had been kissed.  He had been a solitary child, never invited to 
sleepovers or asked into the sexual games that children play.  It had only been 
recently, in the later years of high school, that his peers had found him 
interesting, seemingly fascinated by his good looks and "dark and mysterious" 
manner.  Shinobu had had love letters sent to him by girls, but never had 
returned any, or had any reason to send a letter himself; indeed, he couldn't 
recall ever liking a girl before.  He had never pondered his own asexuality before, 
never considered his complete lack of acknowledged hormones.
	Shinobu glanced down at himself in vague surprise.  He excused himself 
from his mother's presence hurriedly and went to the bathroom, hesitating a 
moment before turning the shower on to cold water.  He paused, naked, before 
the mirror for a brief moment before climbing into the bitterly cold water, his 
erection an incongruity to his mind.  <What's wrong with me? >  Almost without 
thinking, he brought one hand up to touch himself gingerly.  <How could anybody 
have this effect on me? >  His fingers paused, the head of his penis cupped 
lightly in one palm, and Shinobu shook himself violently before plunging libido-
first into the freezing water.

				**		** 		**

	Six days later, Shinobu went to the forests.  They lay maybe twenty 
minutes outside of Mushiyori, and were an area that Shinobu had always felt 
oddly powerful and at peace in.  He wandered about the trees for hours, 
breathing in the moist air with relief, enjoying the silence, until he finally began to 
feel the first prick of awareness of something there-but-not-there, energy that lay 
just outside the world.  Itsuki was watching.
	Shinobu stopped, leaning heavily against a tree, his back to the rough 
wood, his eyes open and unseeing.  He stayed that way for a long time, 
unconsciously immobile, his mind searching and waiting as the glimmer of power 
got closer and closer.  Inside, he began to gather energy.  He didn't collect reiki, 
in preparation of battle; he had come to the conclusion long ago that his normal 
methods of work would be fairly useless when it came to dragging the elusive 
Itsuki out, to where he would be vulnerable.  Instead, he pulled his frustration 
close, his confusion and lust.  He gathered his anger at being so easily 
manipulated, his fear of new conflicts in his body chemistry, his curiosity about 
the beautiful youkai, and his reluctant physical need.  All these he held close to 
himself until he knew the time was right, and he reached forward with all of his 
pent-up feelings burning in his fingertips, and tore the world in half.  
	Itsuki stared at Shinobu in shock and horror from a strange dark world 
filled with flotsam, jetsam and stars.  Before the youkai could react, Shinobu 
grabbed him around the throat and pulled him forward.
	The two tumbled gracelessly onto the forest floor, landing in a tangle of 
limbs and shouting, Itsuki's green hair blinding Shinobu as it fell into both of their 
eyes.  He grabbed Itsuki by the back of his neck and hit him in the stomach.  
Blood bubbled out of the youkai's mouth, and he scrabbled frantically at 
Shinobu's face in an attempt to free himself.
	Shinobu flung Itsuki away easily.  The youkai landed hard at the base of a 
tree and looked dazedly up at Shinobu as the human got to his feet.  For a long 
moment, the two stared at each other in silence.  Shinobu wiped at his cheek 
ineffectually with one sleeve, trying to rub away the bright, sticky spot of color 
Itsuki's blood had made on his face, cautiously watching as the youkai stood up, 
pushing his limp hair away from his face.  He gifted Shinobu with a friendly, 
apologetic smile, and then turned and ran.
	Shinobu chased Itsuki through the forests, dodging trees and leafy plants 
with ease, focused only on closing the short distance between them.  An evening 
fog had settled over the area, and Shinobu began to imagine Makai, the great 
forests he had never seen, the beauty of the land, the savagery of its inhabitants.  
He imagined Itsuki in his mind's eye, looking much younger than Shinobu himself 
was, fleeing a burning castle and everything he knew, not knowing what 
retribution might come for surviving, saw him discovered by strange being 
incapable of any emotion, doomed to never age at the side of those cold 
creatures.
	This time, he relied on reiki to bring Itsuki down, flinging a ball of energy 
into his back.  Shinobu was on him in an instant, blood soaking into his clothing 
and skin as he hit Itsuki over and over.
	Small creatures leapt onto Shinobu from all sides.  They seemed to be 
furry, living shadows with bright blue eyes, and they clung tenaciously to him, 
digging invisible hooked claws into his skin.  He leapt away from Itsuki and the 
things vanished, leaving Shinobu breathless, rubbing at his throat where three 
shadows had been.
	"What the hell was that?" he spat.  Itsuki made a small whimpering nose, 
and coughed for a moment before he answered.
	"My pets."  His voice was remarkably calm and smooth, and as Shinobu 
listened and replayed those silver tones in his head, Itsuki's breathing slowly 
became regular once more.  Shinobu approached without hurry and stood by 
Itsuki's side quietly.  The youkai studied him briefly, and then turned his face 
away.
	"You're under arrest," Shinobu told him.  "I'm Reikai Tantei Sensui 
Shinobu and you stand accused of eight murders and fifteen assaults upon the 
human populace of Mushiyori City.  Also there is an outstanding warrant in 
connection with several deaths in two armies of respective Makai Thanes.  As we 
are certain of your guilt in at least in the matter of the human murders and 
assaults, you will not be turned over and tried in the Reikai, but executed by me."  
He paused.  "Have you any last words?"
	The youkai was silent for so long that Shinobu began to think that he 
hadn't heard.  He scuffled his feet impatiently, and had opened his mouth to 
repeat his statement when Itsuki finally spoke
	"I wish I could have lived one more day."  His tone was wistful, and he 
smiled shyly at nothing in particular.  
	"Why?" Shinobu asked, unable to stop himself.  
	"Togawa Jun is going to be on Hit Studio tomorrow."  A slightly hysterical 
laugh escaped Itsuki, and he turned onto his side, curling his body inward, as if 
he was embarrassed.
	Shinobu didn't say a word, didn't laugh or feel angry or confused.  He 
stared down at Itsuki in complete silence, his mind processing the youkai's words 
over and over and over again until they barely made sense.  Finally, he managed 
to speak.
	"I watch that show every week."

				**		**		**

	Shinobu had made a habit long ago of carrying a first aid kit at all times, 
never knowing how some battles would turn out.  His mother complained 
occasionally about the disappearance of bandages and disinfectant, but Shinobu 
hadn't needed the kit for a long time.
	He was glad that it was with him that day; they had traveled in an almost 
circular pattern, so it only took Shinobu a minute to locate his book bag, still 
laying at the base of a tree, and bring it back to the clearing where he had left 
Itsuki.  
	He was almost surprised to find that the youkai was still sitting placidly 
against a tree.  Two disembodied hands hovered about his face, smoothing his 
hair.  A pile of sticks and dry brush lay a few feet away, gathered together by a 
tiny, winged creature.  As Shinobu approached, it squeaked and disappeared in 
a puff.
	Itsuki waved the hands away as Shinobu cautiously sat down at his side.  
They rose up indignantly into the air and vanished.  Itsuki smiled benignly at 
Shinobu, as if they were old friends, blood still masking his face.  Shinobu 
surprised himself by smiling back.
	They sat in awkward silence as Shinobu unpacked his bag, Itsuki looking 
on curiously.  He sat without complaint as Shinobu washed his face and hands 
with disinfectant, applying bandages carefully over cuts and nicks on his torso 
and neck.  Up close, the youkai looked younger than Shinobu had first thought, 
maybe the human equivalent of twenty-two.  His eyes were a warm gold in color, 
and he didn't seem to harbor any anger against Shinobu for the rough treatment.  
As Shinobu tended to him, Itsuki used a small amount of power to ignite the 
circle of wood, to ward away the chill of the dying evening. 
	"Is there anywhere else," he hesitated.  "Anywhere else that was injured?"  
It felt odd to break the quiet.  Itsuki shook his head.
	"I heal very fast."  His voice was soft and even.
	Shinobu nodded, swallowing.  Time passed in silence.
	"What are those things that keep appearing?"  The question was blurted 
out, and Shinobu blushed when Itsuki glanced at him in surprise.
	"My pets, as I've said."
	"They're animals?"  Shinobu settled back on his haunches, turning around 
to poke at the fire with a stray twig, avoiding Itsuki's gaze.
	The youkai shook his head slowly.  "They're youkai."
	Shinobu folded forward onto his knees, uncomfortable in the position he 
had been in.  "They weren't like any youkai I've ever seen."
	"They're just elemental … simple spirits."
	"There are different types of youkai?"  He looked up as he asked the 
question, and lost himself in Itsuki's warm eyes.  Something intangible inside of 
him awoke and reached out to those eyes and everything behind them, and he 
reached out quickly to touch Itsuki's hair, the thin strands as soft as he had 
imagined them to be.
	"Many, many, many types of youkai," Itsuki told him in the tone of one who 
was born to spin tales to small children, his smile revealing sharp teeth that made 
Shinobu ache inside.
	"I've never met youkai that are like you."  The statement was said to the 
ground, quiet and full of youthful embarrassment.  Itsuki's smile was bitter as he 
replied.
	"There are no youkai like me."

				**		**		**

	The house was dark and quiet when Shinobu opened the front door.  It 
was past midnight; his mother was long asleep.  He walked quickly through the 
front room and the kitchen, dragging Itsuki by the hand.  The youkai pulled back 
slightly, checking out every chrome or padded surface with high interest.  "Look 
later," Shinobu whispered, and Itsuki nodded reluctantly.
	He felt a good deal safer once they were both safely ensconced in 
Shinobu's room.  He wasn't forbidden to have friends over, but over-night 
occasions had never been an issue, and Shinobu wasn't sure how his mother 
would react if she found her son holing up with a man who appeared to be 
around five to seven years his senior (but was more likely in the range of several 
hundred years older).  Itsuki seated himself immediately on the bed, reaching to 
stroke the soft cover and the trinkets that hung on the wall with the bland 
curiosity of incomprehension.  
	Shinobu sat gingerly next to Itsuki, holding one hand curled in his lap, 
unsure of where to place the other.  "You can have the bed," he said softly.  "I 
can grab a blanket and sleep downstairs."  Itsuki nodded absently, neither 
protesting nor commenting.
	"This is your room?" he asked.
	"Yeah …" Shinobu ran a hand through his hair.  "Sorry it's such a mess."
	Itsuki shook his head.  "It's full of things."  His tone was tender and 
admiring, but he hesitated before speaking again.  "Much different than where I 
grew up."  He turned his face away, studied Shinobu's desk.  
	"What are you doing in the Ningenkai?" Shinobu asked quietly.  Itsuki only 
laughed, his expression one of vague embarrassment.
	"It doesn't matter."  He stood and moved to the desk, skating his fingers 
over schoolwork, picking up the stapler.  "Make up any reason you'd like, it might 
fit."
	Shinobu pushed himself up off the bed, moving to wrap his arms around 
the other from behind.  They were nearly even in height, Itsuki having only a 
slight advantage, which surprised Shinobu for no reason that he could name.  
Itsuki leaned back against him, arching his long neck and reaching back to 
caress Shinobu's face.
	"Why me?" he asked, burying his face in Itsuki's hair, breathing in the 
smell of chocolate.  The youkai turned in his arms, lifting up his face to kiss him 
softly, his fingertips barely grazing against Shinobu's neck.  He knew that Itsuki 
would never answer, probably now or ever, but it didn't seem to matter as much 
as it did before.

				**		**		**

	When Shinobu woke, Itsuki was watching him, gold eyes gleaming in what 
almost seemed to be an adoring manner.  "Good morning," the youkai said, 
brushing an errant lock of hair out of his eyes.  Shinobu inched closer to him, 
snuggling in for a kiss.  He touched Itsuki's face hesitantly, shy laughter bubbling 
up in his chest.  "You look beautiful while you're sleeping," Itsuki told him.  He 
stroked the back of Shinobu's hand, which lay on his bare chest.  They kissed for 
a long time, teasing and laughing in the easy manner of two very young boys.
	They hauled themselves out of bed in the early afternoon, spurred on by 
hunger pains and dried sweat on their bodies.  Itsuki begged to be clean, and it 
took Shinobu nearly a half an hour to explain the workings of the shower to him 
before he threw up his hands and drew the youkai a bath.
	The words of Togawa Jun's "Tamahimesama" stuck in his brain, and he 
sung aloud as he made breakfast for two.  He felt slightly disoriented, as though 
he had taken a step left of reality.  He thought vaguely of the words that 
described what Itsuki and done to him, and what he had done in return the night 
previous, but only shook his head, smiling.  What stupid sounding words, he 
thought, to try and explain something so intense and real.  Where had he been, 
that the possibilities of another person had never occurred to him?  It had taken a 
demon to make him appreciate humanity and the pleasures – physically or 
otherwise – that another could give him, or the pleasure that he could give to 
them.  They had talked for hours, whispering and giggling and sharing secrets 
like little girls, secrets that ran deeper than petty concerns, secrets that made 
Shinobu feel wiser than he did the day before.  Has Itsuki changed me so 
completely, he wondered, even though he's done so little?  Or has he awakened 
something that was already inside of me?
	His nerves twitched reflexively as he heard soft feet pad the wooden floor 
of the hallway, fingers tightening on the spatula almost imperceptibly before 
relaxing.  Itsuki, his mind lighted on, the only obvious answer considering that his 
mother was away and there were no others living in their hose.  Shinobu's mind 
had long shut out the sound of the shower still droning away upstairs.  His lover 
(his mind hesitated and worried over the word, reluctant to claim Itsuki as his own 
yet having no trouble understanding that he belonged, in a way, to the youkai) 
hadn't wanted to surprise Shinobu, and had purposefully made the slight noise, 
to let the human know of his presence.  Shinobu's face lightened, and he turned 
smiling.
	His mother slipped past her son, making a beeline to the refrigerator.  
Shinobu's shock was so great that he nearly dropped the tool forgotten in his 
hand, and by the time he turned around to face her, his mother had already 
poured juice for herself and was drinking with a contended expression.  Her eyes 
appraised him curiously over the rim of the glass.  "Is something wrong?" she 
asked innocently, setting her drink down carefully by the counter's edge.  That 
was a pretty friendly look you just gave me, Shin, she didn't have to say.  And 
what exactly would make you give such an open look to your own mother?
	"What are you doing here?"  His voice had regained most of its usual 
control, thankfully, though it sounded a trifle choked to his ears.  His mother's 
expression didn't change.
	"I was given a day off."
	His mind stuttered denial; 'You never get days off,' 'You should be 
working, you complain enough that we have no money without you taking days 
off,' 'Why today, of all days?' but managed to keep his mouth closed.  His mother 
spoke, instead.
	"I thought you were in the shower.  Did you leave it running?"
	As if knowing that it was suddenly the topic of conversation, the shower 
abruptly turned off.  Shinobu's mind traveled away from his mother, imagining 
Itsuki stepping gingerly over the slick tiles, unable to help his fascination with the 
gadgets and beauty supplies littered over the countertop, his body damp and 
naked still, graceful fingers smoothing long hair finally cleaned by human 
shampoo and softened by human conditioner; his stomach clenched a bit and he 
unconsciously swayed in the direction of the stairs, as innocent as any child who 
has had its first taste of sensuality.  "A friend stayed the night," he said thickly, 
looking at his hands.  He knew that he sounded guilty.  "I didn't think that you'd 
mind – "
	"I don't mind."  His mother's voice was soft and almost awed.  "It's nice 
that you had a friend over."  Shinobu turned away, embarrassed, and nearly ran 
face first into Itsuki.
	The youkai sucked in a breath, his gold eyes wide with surprise.  He 
recovered in an instant, caressing Shinobu's cheek with the back of one hand, 
his skin still damp from the shower, gifting his human lover with a toothy smile.  
Shinobu jerked away from Itsuki's hand reflexively, his eyes glancing back to his 
mother nervously, whose attention was captured by the contents of the pantry.  
"Can I talk to you for a second?" he asked quietly, gripping Itsuki's wrist firmly 
and steering him out of the kitchen and up the stairs just as his mother began to 
turn to face them.
	"Is something wrong?" Itsuki's voice was tinged with just a little bit of hurt, 
but his eyes were calm.
	"I don't …" Shinobu paused and took a deep breath.  "I don't want my 
mom to think we're  … any more than friends, ok?"  He cringed away from what 
he was saying; his voice trembled, and an unaccountable twinge pulled his throat 
shut.  
	"Why not?" was Itsuki's only comment.  His eyes were unreadable.  
	Shinobu stared at the ground.  He had no answer, only a strange, 
secretive fear that demanded that his lust and love for his newfound friend 
remain between them.  It would take a more willing mind than he possessed then 
to hunt down the convoluted reasons for this fear, and though later in his life he 
was cunning and cold and more than willing to pick himself apart, at the time he 
merely shook his head.  A simple answer would be that although he had come a 
long way in tolerating his humanity – and its pains, emotions, and base feelings
-- it was still difficult for him to lett anybody acknowledge it that he hadn't given 
"express permission" to.  His mind was overloaded; his attachment to Itsuki had 
shaken his entire worldview, though the ironies of it hadn't hit him quite yet.  He 
had been killing youkai literally almost his entire life, regarded the race as a 
whole as foul, abominable and insane, and yet he had eagerly fallen in love with 
one as mad as a March hare.  It would take him years to grasp the hypocrisy, 
and years more to accept it.  
	When Shinobu lost his virginity and fell in love he was not yet eighteen, an 
age where most teenagers at least had a small inkling of themselves and their 
bodies.  Shinobu had never been abused or molested, but his terror was a 
species akin to the reactions of survivors of abuse.  He had removed himself so 
far from what he had considered to be a weakness – along with feelings of love 
for his mother, which he only felt in brief, puzzling flashes – that to admit that he 
had wanted another person in such a base, physical manner, that he could return 
another's physical advances with eagerness would seem to make him a dirty 
person, for lack of better words, somebody who would as a matter of course be 
scorned and viewed as capital-B Bad.  It was mostly fine and dandy to have 
those thoughts and emotions – though they still confused him and made him feel 
slightly disconnected to reality – but to have his mother know --!  He couldn't 
think of the words to describe the conflicting mood, and only gripped Itsuki's 
shoulders, covered by one of Shinobu's own T-shirts, and kissed the youkai 
softly on the mouth.
	"Just … please, ok?  Not in front of my mother."
	Itsuki smiled and laced his hands around the back of Shinobu's head and 
kissed him slowly and thoroughly.  "No problem," he said easily, but his smile 
was a trifle saddened.
	Introductions were awkward at first; Shinobu's mother took in Itsuki's 
green hair and gold eyes in a glance, but smiled warmly regardless.  It flashed 
through Shinobu's mind a brief instant before the two greeted each other that 
Itsuki might not know how to introduce himself in a human fashion, but the youkai 
behaved quite normally, leaving Shinobu only to mentally hit his own forehead 
and make a note to learn more about youkai social customs.
	Itsuki was introduced as Itsuki Jun, a friend who had graduated from 
Shinobu's school the year previous.  He was vague on his made-up human 
history, alluding with subtle skill to more things than Shinobu would have even 
thought of mentioning.  Shinobu kept things brief, though his fear of Itsuki 
somehow giving them away grew less and less as his mother's smile broadened 
and became more real, and dragged the youkai back to his room at the first 
possible opportunity.
	He began to kiss Itsuki as soon as the door was safely shut and locked 
behind them, feeling urgently apologetic to his lover, anxious to somehow make it 
up.  Itsuki allowed him the kisses for a long while, threading his hands through 
Shinobu's hair and leaning his body against the younger man's.  Eventually, he 
pushed Shinobu's face away from his own and held it at close length, palms 
pressed against Shinobu's cheek, gently kneading his skin with his thumbs.  
"What are you ashamed of?" he asked Shinobu sternly.  "I will not tell your 
mother that I am youkai.  Human and youkai … it's not as rare as you might 
think."
	Shinobu turned his eyes downward, clenching his fingers in the folds of 
Itsuki's t-shirt and then slipping his hands underneath the cloth to stroke the 
other's belly.  "I'm not ashamed of you being youkai," he mumbled to the floor, 
biting down frustration.  How could Itsuki understand?  Youkai treated sex as 
another form of trade, and telling one that, to humans, it was anything but would 
be silly.  His mind didn't even suggest the possibility that Itsuki knew already, or 
had guessed his thoughts.  "I'm just …" He trailed off, meeting the other's eyes 
shyly.  Itsuki leaned forward to gently rest his barely parted lips against 
Shinobu's, moving his hands down to wrap around the human's back and draw 
him close.  "Uncertain," Shinobu managed, his face buried in Itsuki's hair.
	He drew Itsuki over to the bed slowly and trailed kisses down Itsuki's slim 
body, kneeling between the youkai's knees, one hand on his lover's ankles and 
the other on the top of his thigh.  Itsuki smiled tenderly and stroked Shinobu's 
hair as he rested his head against the inside of Itsuki's leg.  "I love you," Shinobu 
whispered harshly, blushing.  
Itsuki's arms were around him suddenly, as the youkai slithered to the 
floor to sit beside him, kissing his face.  "Do you really?" he murmured.  "Really 
and truly?"  Shinobu nodded, tense and breathless under Itsuki's mouth and 
hands, fingers clenched in the carpet.  Itsuki laughed wonderingly, without 
malice, and slid his hands up Shinobu's t-shirt, resting on the smooth skin of the 
human's back.  
They stayed in Shinobu's room for most of the day, dodging out for 
bathroom breaks and snacks.  Itsuki abstained from the bathroom, claiming that 
he felt no need, but willingly accompanied Shinobu to the kitchen at lunch time or 
when their supply of junk food ran short.  The youkai was even more fascinated 
with the human household than he had been the previous night, skating his 
fingers over nearly every unusual surface.  He ignored Shinobu's warning glares 
in favor of satisfying his curiosity, playing with the front of the refrigerator, the 
marble countertops, candy bar packages and soda cans.  Technology failed to 
faze him, and he was able to make tea in a tea pot, as well as use a can opener, 
without any assistance; it was only the appearance and function of things that 
seemed to fascinate him, rather than the why's or how's of an object, keeping 
with the way Shinobu had been educated in the manner of youkai.
Shinobu's mother watched them with an indifferent eye, a patient curiosity 
in her eye that Itsuki pointed out later was focused not on her their strange 
houseguest, but solely on her own son.  Shinobu was aware of her halfhearted 
attitude toward loving him, but would not understand it until he was well 
established on his own.  However, her casual manners allowed him the space to 
relax.  When Itsuki's hand brushed his when reaching for the teakettle, he didn't 
jerk back and check to see if his mother had been watching, but permitted the 
other to slide his fingers over Shinobu's with a slight smile.  
They clung together when alone, cuddling whenever not distracted by sex, 
talking vaguely of subjects that varied in importance.  Shinobu carried the bulk of 
the conversation, explaining obscure events in his life in relation to a particular 
poster, trinket, jewelry or clothing that was strewn about in his room, shedding 
himself of innumerable small burdens just by the steady flow of words, barely 
interrupted by interjections, observations and anecdotes from his demon lover.  
Itsuki spoke elusively of his own past, hiding answers in riddles and rhetoric, and 
although Shinobu realized what the youkai was doing, he didn't mind, instead 
concentrating on the new courage he was discovering.  He ticked off in his mind 
amusedly what he initiated comfortably, hugs, kisses, stroking of hair.  His hands 
grew braver, and he was delighted.
Shinobu's mother knocked on his bedroom door at approximately five 
minutes before nine.  "Shinobu," she called loudly, accompanying each syllable 
with a thump on his door.  "Your show is on."  
Shinobu nudged Itsuki gently awake.  The youkai was held loosely in his 
arms; his golden eyes slid open slowly, narrowed in annoyance.  "What did your 
mother say?" he asked, sliding his body around in Shinobu's grasp so that they 
faced each other.  
"Hit Studio is on," Shinobu told him, kissing his forehead and pushing him 
up.  "Togawa Jun is performing tonight, remember?"  Itsuki smiled, uttering small 
noises in the back of his throat as he stretched, one hand lazily pawing at 
Shinobu's wall.  Shinobu pulled him easily up off the bed, wrapping one arm 
around his waist when Itsuki was upright, pulling him close.  He looked into 
Itsuki's wide eyes, grinning, and knew that when they went down to the living 
room, sat on the couch and turned on the TV to see Itsuki's reason to live, he 
would put his arm around the youkai and he would hold him close while they 
watched the program, and he wouldn't care about his mother seeing him enjoy 
the company of his very first lover.  Itsuki's hands slid down his ribs, encircling 
his middle, and they kissed each other lightly, holding back laughter.
"Togawa Jun," Itsuki mused as he grabbed Shinobu's hand and steered 
him toward the door, "How could I forget?"

the end.