Okay, the first
thing I would like to say is, it has been a long-ass time, I started to write
this when I was in tenth grade—I’m an OAC student now (Grade 13). That’s just sad. Really, really sad. I can safely say I have NEVER gone this long
without an update and never will, ever again.
To all the people who have bugged me and bugged me to get this started
again….thank you…because I have finally got off my ass to do it. Now my writing style has improved, as you can
see in recent chapters of “Alive 4U” and so, I hope this sounds better as well,
I took the old chapters down and just reformatted them and corrected some
obvious mistakes…so they’re still crap…but meh…I’m
too lazy to completely rewrite them.
Anyway along those lines, the formatting has changed slightly. From now on *** is a point of view shift and
anything in italics is thoughts. Time shift I think
will be these doohickies~~~
Anyways…
On with the show…
Chapter 3:
Adrienne’s P.O.V
There were so many times during
breakfast where I was tempted to speak.
Jon seemed to entice me to do so.
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t break
my silence, or they would find a way to punish me further than to keep me
locked in a mental institution. I
shuddered at what they could do. I
didn’t even remember why I was here in the first place, or even in the first
institution. I watched Jon’s face as he
talked about everything, trying to get me to answer about the institution and
what I thought of it, my past, so on and so on.
I wanted to talk. I really
did. For once I wanted to pour my heart
out to somebody, but something inside of me told me not to- not just yet.
Breakfast ended and all the patients
had to go back to their rooms. I heard
one patient mumble about the same thing everyday. He had no idea how lucky he was. If only he knew I had been in an institution
ever since I was sixteen. The first
institution had been a maximum security one.
I had done something wrong. I
still can’t remember what. I only seemed
to remember fragments of my life before the night I was taken away. But I knew where I ended up. I always knew where I ended up. I spent six months in the maximum security
institution. Six months of my life
wasted. I remember repetitively telling
the guards and my psychiatrist that I had done nothing wrong. And I remembered nobody listening to me. All they did was blame, tell me I had
problems. And so eventually, I just shut
up. I stopped talking or really doing
anything, which was why I was transferred to a medium security institution for
a year and now this minimum security institution. Did I ever have a choice in this? No.
I immediately resented that patient
who looked to be in his twenties. He had
no idea how much of a privilege being able to step out of your room and
interact with other people was. Chances
are he didn’t even know how lucky he was to have a room mate. I glared at him as he exited the room then
snapped back to reality when I realized that I was being spoken to.
“So what do you want to do now?” Jon
asked me. I shrugged. Didn’t I have to go back to my room? Wasn’t I here for some sort of punishment?
“How ‘bout we go for a walk outside,
it’s sunny out, that doesn’t happen much here lately.” Jon suggested. Outside, they were going to let me
outside. I hadn’t been outside in almost
two years.
“Jon she can’t do that.” Somebody interrupted quickly. The orderly, Bob was standing right there.
“What do you mean she can’t do
that?” Jon asked as if the words Bob had just spoken were completely irrational
and ridiculous.
“I mean she can’t leave the
institution. She’s not even supposed to
leave her room let alone come out here and eat breakfast or go outside.” He
said. I just looked away from him,
pretending I wasn’t listening.
“What?!”
Jon cried, “That’s the fucking stupidest thing I have ever heard. Why can’t she walk around? There are orderlies everywhere, and gates to
keep her from going off the grounds, and she’s harmless. She’s done nothing to me at all.”
“I’m sorry Jon.” Bob replied,
keeping his voice at a reasonable level, unlike Jon whom, had let his raise
enough to draw stares. “The rules are
the rules. She hasn’t even see Dr.
Powell yet. I can’t let her do anything until
the doctor gives approval.”
“Fine.” Jon
muttered, “I’ll just go back to the room too then.”
“Actually Jon I strongly advise that
you go outside. You haven’t been out in
a very long time, almost two weeks.” Bob preached, “Besides, Adrienne has an appointment
with Dr. Powell at
“Than I’ll wait until I find out
weather or not she can go out.” Jon spat bitterly. I wanted to tell him I was used to it, don’t
wait for me. But again, I couldn’t.
We ended up going back to the room
for a little while until I went to my appointment. This was the part of every institution that I
hated. Going to see
the new doctor. I knew what would
happen. I would go in and sit on a couch
thing or some sort of comfy chair. The
doctor would be sitting behind their desk reading my file once more as I
entered the room. They would pause for a
moment, then put the file down and greet me as if I were a little six year
old. Then we’d talk. Basically the psychologist would start by
asking me questions to confirm what was in the file. Then they would try and coax me or trick me
into speaking. After a frustrating
session in which, I never was any help, they would let me go back to my room
and would rarely see me ever again, except at an exiting “interview” before I
was transferred to another institution or doctor.
Jon and I both lay back on our beds,
depressed and bored, staring at the ceiling until Bob came to the door
again. I could hear him unlocking it and
sat up, as did Jonathan, his dreadlocks swinging at the same time as his legs
when he swung them over the edge of the bed.
“Adrienne.” Bob called from the
door, “Time to see Dr. Powell.” I got up
and went to the door reluctantly. Here we go again.
***
With Adrienne gone at her appointment
I was even more bored than ever. My
thoughts started to drift. If you’re so bored here Jon than that means
it’s time to leave. Your
okay. But I wasn’t okay. I was having nightmares again and I didn’t
know why. I was still on depression
medication and had my problems. But
suddenly there was this overwhelming need I had to get out and go home and
slowly start my life again. Adrienne’s
very presence in this room made me realize I wanted human contact again. I wanted to see my friends again and be out
in the real world again. The problem was
though I was self admitted, I couldn’t get out.
I had purposely put myself in an institution with this policy so
that if I became really insane or depressed, I couldn’t get out and do anything
stupid, like take my own life. I knew
people would take care of me here. My
friends were also a good judge of character and could tell when I was losing
it, and when I was healthy. It was for
this reason that I trusted one of them to come and get me out when they knew I
was ready. Was I ready now though? I didn’t know. I guess I would have to have a meeting with
one of them soon.
Finally, the boredom getting to me I acted on my last thought and
went to the door and pressed the call button for a guard to come and let me
out. A few minutes later I was at one of
the private booths just outside the common area, phoning Munky,
he was the first person on my list of people that I knew would get me out- but
only if he was sure I was ready. Hell, I
wasn’t even sure if I was ready.
“Hello..?”
“Hey James, it’s me, Jon.” I said into the receiver.
“Oh, hey man,” James greeted, sounding somewhat surprised, “what’s
up?” I
want to leave that’s what’s up…
“Not a lot that’s the problem.
I’m bored man. Could you and the
rest of the guys come for a visit, soon, I’m going crazy.” I said, not
realizing what I had just said.
“Um, if you’re going crazy again-”
“Shut up Munky.” I said jokingly, “I
just meant it’s been at least a month since you guys or Karma have come to visit, let alone Nathan.” My voice trembled when I said my son’s
name. He was old enough now to
understand that I was sick and in a hospital, but he didn’t understand why his
mother wouldn’t let him visit me right now.
When I had committed myself to the institution I had forfeited all
custody of Nathan to Renee, being as it’s hard to parent from a mental
institution. I also had reasoned with
myself that once I got out of here, the lost years would be made up because I
would be a better parent and person.
“Sure we can visit, I’ll talk to the
other guys.”
“Good, God I need to get pout of here. I’m finally in a writing mood again. And not that shit I come up with when I’m
insane.”
“Well we’ll come see you in the next week or so, let me talk to
the other guys.” Munky said.
With the hard part of the conversation out of the way Munky and I chatted for a few more minutes about what had
been going on lately, new songs and so on until I had to get off the phone due
to my time limit and the fact that Adrienne would be back from the psychologist
soon, hopefully allowed a few more rights than she had been this morning.
I took my time wandering back to the room, observing the same
white walls that I had seen for the past year and a half of my life. The same tiles floors, the same brightly lit
corridors. I wasn’t just bored. This place was making me go insane, or stay insane, depending how you look at it.
The panicky feelings my slow walk had produced faded away though
when I got back to the room and went inside.
That’s how all these rooms worked, you could
get in from the outside, but not from the inside.
When I got inside I was surprised to see Adrienne sat on her bed
with my notebook and pencil. If it had been anybody else I probably would
have freaked from them invading my personal belongings, reading my
thoughts. But I noticed the girl sitting
on her bed wasn’t reading. She was
drawing or writing something. When she
looked up and saw me, she turned the beat up blue spiral notebook around so
that I could see the page she had been writing on. My first reaction was a gasp. There was a picture on the page of me, fast
asleep that looked almost photo-realistic.
Then there were words written underneath it.
“I know you.”
I jumped back when I saw those words scrawled almost cryptically
across the page, like in a demented horror movie. The pencil’s lines were deliberately drawn
darker to form those letters than anything else on the page. It took me a moment to find my voice with my
throat feeling like it was sandpaper.
“Y-You know me? How? Where from?” I
stuttered out, forgetting for a moment that I was talking to a mute. She looked at me, almost scowling. I had asked her questions that would be hard
for her to answer. So she lowered the
notebook to her lap and flipped the page and wrote six simple words.
“You are one thing I remember.”
I remained confused, was the reason Adrienne didn’t talk because
she couldn’t remember how? No that’s impossible, if she can write she
can talk…There was no simple, logical way out of this. Somehow I stumbled across the room and seated
myself on my bed, my head whirring with questions. I lay back against the pillow and closed my
eyes. I heard Adrienne stir and cracked
one eye open. Suddenly she wasn’t the
harmless little girl she had been at first anymore. She hopped off the side of her bed and
scribbled something on the paper.
“You were in a band, right?”
I nodded my head slowly when she showed me the paper, her neat
writing.
“I know who you are. I remember.
You’re Jonathan Davis?” She scribbled again. I
hesitated before again, nodding slowly.
The only thing causing me to hesitate being people knowing I was
here. Then I reminded myself yet again
that Adrienne was a mute and I had nothing to worry about.
“So I’m right? I remember something?” she wrote simply. Why is she doubting herself?
“Yes.” I said, finding my voice again. At this rate I was going to become a
mute. There was
a couple of moments of awkward silence.
That’s when I remembered that I had originally come in here to ask
Adrienne if she was allowed to go outside, how her appointment had gone.
“So how did you appointment go?” I
asked. She shrugged in response.
“Are you allowed to go outside?” I pressed. Again she wrote something.
“If
I’m being watched.”
Odd how she put that one. We
were always being watched.
*~*~*
The appointment went a lot better
than I had anticipated. I knew things
were different the moment I walked into the office and sat down on one of the
cushy chairs. The doctor wasn’t even in
the room yet, and the desk was actually off in another area. It made me feel a lot less like a child being
scolded where it was. When the doctor
strolled in I could tell she was about forty five years old. She seemed to have a kindly expression on her
face and that expression carried to her voice when she introduced herself.
“Hello Adrienne, I’m Dr. Powell.”
She said and extended a hand for me to shake, which I did.
“Well as you’ve probably heard many
times before I have looked at your file.” She said, sitting in a chair across
from me. I looked down. Great, just great.
“Anyway what I wanted to say is that
in my professional experience I think you have not just been severely
mistreated in your life, but also in the institutions you have been placed in.”
She began to say, “By the looks of things you have never been high risk to
anyone’s health including you own, to me, and should have immediately been
placed in counseling or at the most a limited security institution. It is my understanding that you stopped
speaking after being admitted to
your first institution, correct?” I
nodded my head.
“Okay well then, there has to be
some changes made to your routine. I
have spoken to my staff and we have agreed upon allowing you to eat in the
cafeteria with some of the other patients.
As well, you may go outside, as long as you have supervision. The only thing I ask in return is that you
come and see me once a week.”
Inside, right at that moment, I
wanted to cry. Nobody had been this nice
to me in a very long time, had this much faith that I would get better, enough
to let me be just a little bit free.
“Perfect!” the doctor exclaimed and
reached out to shake my hand again, “Now go out and take a nice long walk,
doctors orders.”
I was so happy by the time I left
the office that I had to keep myself from skipping down the halls with the
orderly at my side. Wait until Jonathan
found out. I almost stopped dead in my
tracks. Suddenly my memory had been
jogged again.
Okay that’s all
for now folks! Hope the update was good
enough for the amount of time you had to go between updates! I promise I’ll never do that to you again.
Now when you go
back out to the fiction page…REVIEW for me in the review book.