Thursday, June 12, 2003

I will Conquer HELL!!!

hell=exam season plus university applications

right, tomorrow is my last exam, and then I have to finish up all that stupid course that I feel like doing, and ignore the teacher. Yeah, I'm skipping assignments, it's called, Neko Baka wants to keep out of the nuthouse by avoiding a nervous breakdown!! And my birthday came and went, so now I can officially watch and rent all those animes I've been waiting to see ^^. Not that I can look older than I really am, but because it's embarrassing when I don't. Believe me, my maturity age is random. ahh, life with Asperger's...
But I just have one more exam to do, and then I'll be out of school!! It's kind of scary!! Especially with the trouble the school has been having with my marks. For some reason, they messed up with my marks!! GRRR!!! THIS IS MY FUTURE THEY'RE MESSING WITH HERE!!! HOW DARE THEY!!!! It makes me sooo MAD!! Here I am, studying my heart out, as my friends will testify, and the stupid school is making my life difficult!!! It's mad enough I've never gotten much opportunities or recognion for my work, and that I never get the same breaks as everyone else, and that I have to fight tooth and claw for every grade, as well as fight my own biochemistry, but now they have the NERVE to FORGET me?!! I've been overlook for sooo long, and I can't stand it anymore!

so what Am I going to do about it? Well, right now I'm gathering information about my life on what it's like to live with mental disabilities and I'm going to write a book. And Currently I'm painting. It's arcylic, and I've just gotten some thickener, and it's going to be so good. Mom looks at it, and wonders about why I painted the way I did. But I don't tell her that it's the way that I see the world, that it's an interpretation of my life, with everything grabbing at my attention, so full of life and movement and colour, where things aren't always what they seem. I have about three layers of paint on right now, and I'm not sure how many more I got. But it's going to be the FIRST!! This girl ain't going quietly anymore. I'm a cute adorable and friendly person, but I don't like to be underestimated. It just pisses me off. That and I think that I'm some sort of socialist. I haven't figured it out yet.

Ahh, but I got some reviews for some of my stories, and Cinnamon taped twinkies to my locker on my birthday: 24 twinkies, to be exact. I still haven't finished eating them yet. hmmm, twinkies... Yeah, my birthday was sort of a flop. I got my presents early, and they weren't really anything special from my family. Mom gave me a vegtable peeler, for when I move out, and a bunch of blank cards to write to friends, some picture holders, again for when I move out, some fine-tip paintbrushes, which I actually could use, a bracelet that's supposed to be a fancy replacement for my worry/power beads but don't fit right, and a jean skirt and jean jacket, both which don't fit right. Mom has trouble when it comes to clothes shopping for me. then again, I DO have an unusual figure. I got big mennonite hips, size 14, and wide shoulders, I think, and then a petite torso. But what really gets my mom is how SMALL my hands are. Everyone else in the family has these thick fingers and palms; I have small palms and very slender thin, almost bony, fingers, delicate in comparison to my family. They have no clue where I inherited those fingers. Mom calls them musical hands, or artist's hands. Whatever. All I know is that I'm a faster typer than mom. So she says.

Ah, parents, I'm so glad that they aren't home right now. I went for a bike ride to the closest comic store, in hopes that my order had come in early. But I'm still two weeks early. **sigh** I can hope, right? hoping has been my entire life, so I should be used to it. hope and dissapointment. Anyways, I picked up some comics, and came home really fast. I also noticed that my hair-stylist has moved across the street. hmm, that reminds me, I should get those split-ends trimmed. You can get layered hair trimmed, right? I mean, I've had the same stylist since I was a toddler, and she's the one who layered it for me. I don't want it cut, I just got it the length for braids!!! anyways, I'm trying to stop shaking. I'm tired, I'm shaking, I need to calm my hands down so that I can write my notes. Maybe it's my pills kicking it, sometimes I start to shake when I'm on my pills. It's a nice and warm day outside.
Haunt You Later! "Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

Posted by: @ 12:07:68pm
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Thursday, June 5, 2003

Birthday Countdown: 4 days

Rain rain, go away!

Man,what an awful day I've been having! I woke up and it's raining! now, usually I LOVE the rain, but today it's that awful humid gross rain, where life feels like crap! It kind of suits too. Anyways, my brother takes a shower, and all my morning pills are in the bathroom, so I have to wait untill HE's done and I'm almost late for school. And then it's MASS. URG!!! Cinnamon wasn't too bad though, and the message was pretty cool: Conquer the world, or something like that. Well, here I am, worrying away cause my cat Nibbles has been sick all week, and I'm hoping that my parents will take her to the vet cause I love my kitty and I don't want her to DIE!! She's acting strange, tried to run away, and hasn't been keeping her food down.

back to mass, there's a congratulations and all for some of the students, and it just reminded me of my failure to get anything at the Genesis awards. Luckily I had a pen, and Muffin-chan was sitting next to me, so I could draw all over my arms, and the little note to myself about how I'm currently going into my history exam with a 90.5%. I know, I know, that's pretty good, but at midterm it was 95%!!!!! And I want high marks, damnit! I've never gotten so high of marks in my life, and I want to keep them!

so I go to study during second period at my 'Special' class. But classes are only an hour long, and I have to present this poster with my 'partner' to the class, and the other students are being such JERKS!!!! I want to pound them all to a pulp!!!

**deep breath** right, so I get to the library finally, and I start studying, but there's this class on the computers there, and they're being loud, so I don't get much done. Then at lunch I lose my ruler, and have to use Cinnamon's (THANK YOU CINNAMON!!!). Third didn't go two bad, and I did manage to study during fourth. but then I have my online course to do, and I figure I can get a good start by coming home. So I come home in the now-pouring rain, and get the mail.
There's two thin letters from Queen's University. After finding my cats nice and safe and sound, Nibbles looking a bit better, I carefully opened the envelopes with a letter-opener (I actually have one), and take out the sheets of paper. I read them carefully. Both are printed basically the same. I've been rejected........from both programs...yeah, I feel like crap. My brother got in with hardly any problems, and he didn't get all his stuff in on time. He got into the courses of his choice, and universities were begging him to come to their school. And what do I get? Nothing. The only options I have is either Laurier, or another year of high school and maybe a job. not very hopeful. I'm going to cry now, and maybe see whether I can colour some more comics before it's time for me to go to the psychologist. Great timing. Happy bloody birthday, huh?
Haunt You Later! "Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

Posted by: @ 02:27:68pm
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Friday, May 30, 2003

Birthday Countdown: 10 days

Look! I've finally updated twice in a row!

I took this test on Hikura/Pai's site, and boy, does it suit my mood right now. Funny, I never really show how much things bother to people, like how hurt I really am at some things, and how difficult it is to simply talk to other people.

Take the What High School Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel

yeah, that's a bit like me. I'm really a social outcast inside, although I have a better attitude about it, I think. Mom says that I'm really an incredibly mature little kid in a teen's body, cause of my mental development level, but my maturity is actually higher than a tonne of kids. **winkles nose** I think that I have age changes, like mood swings or something.

but yeah, I went to my school's art awards, called the Genesis awards. I was nominated for the Visual Arts award, but I didn't get it. I've been trying to FOUR YEARS!! I was really disappointed. When I came home, I cried myself sick. And then I thought out the reasons why I had wanted it. It's not for the stupid certificate. I had wanted the award so that I could prove that a kid with as many disabilities as me could be successful in the world. well, at least be able to be just as good, if not better, as all the other regular students who don't have to worry about taking all their medications on time, or whether to remember to go to therapy, and remembering all the little dos and don't's, and to deal with the daily fight just to acheive the same amount of work in more time, to be always FIGHTING the way their BRAINS are wired and adjusting material so that they can understand it like everyone else.

Am I ranting? Yes, yes I am. I'm just always mad at how nobody really knows how much more Grief disabled kids have, just to go to school and LIVE. It makes me really bitter, cause maybe I see the world in different eyes, and maybe that makes me more mature about somethings, but deep down inside I can't understand things at the same level cause my brain don't work the same way.

anyways, I'd better go now, I have to work on three lessons of my online course and finish them for sunday.
Haunt You Later! "Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

Posted by: @ 02:27:68pm
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Thursday, May 29, 2003

Birthday Countdown: 11 days

The right to vote and rent all the anime I want, here I come!

well, it's been good so far. I'm just waiting out the whole school thing. Never mind that I need to totally finish my online course THIS WEEK!!! And Cinnamon wants to film? **bangs head on table** owww....

and I got a phone call from the past last Sunday. My friend who now lives in Australia called me in the middle of the night. First contact I've had with her for about five years. Says she's been going through really big problems. I don't want to betray her trust and tell the whole world exactly what happened, but it's major. Like hospital. She can't finish high school (she's like, nineteen), she can't handle a job, or even a computer. So we can't email each other. She says that she's coming in the summer for a week or so. Still have to see how that goes.

what else, oh yes, Veira has this strange relationship with a guy lately. Are you dumped or not? Cause that's a lot of coffee we're going through... YAHHH!! I updated my manga links! Watch out, I've remarked whether or not the manga contains yaoi, cause I know a few who would glare at me from across the table if I didn't. Never mind that she probably would never read the stuff anyways...

Well, I got the Genesis awards tonight, where I MIGHT win! ^^ happy if I do! ^^ And gee, Lisa-chan's birthday is next week! She's exactly a week older than me! I need to get her a present... I might be going to Japan, details later. And yes, I asked for a twinky for my 18th birthday...WHAT? I've never had one. Probably good reason too... **drools** sugar...
Haunt You Later! "Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

Posted by: @ 02:27:68pm
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Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Happy Birthday Big Brother!

yes, today is my brother's 21st birthday...now, where is he?

So my brother's out to class. He's taking some summer university, whatever-it's-called. And I'm busy BUSY here trying to finish all my schoolwork and keeping the old gradepoint average up. So far, so good. I'm somewhere around eighty. I suppose that's good, right? I'm above all the class medians. But I'm going to be careful and NOT get lazy. So, why haven't I updated? Well, today I feel like being lazy... and updating! ^^

ARG! Hikura-chan is going to AnimeNorth, and she's going to met, like, mostly ALL of the Gundam Wing voice actors (Canadian), and she's going to meet Silver D! yes, I'm fighting the green eyed monster. Really difficult when it's ME who decided not to go, and instead save up for a TV!!! ...slowly getting there... nothing too big, it has to fit into my room. OH!! I applied, whatever, for Keenspace.com, so that I can get my online comic up! Yes, I'm writing/drawing an online comic! But when will they respond!! WAHHH!

so I'm a little tired of waiting, typical ADD. Anyways, I'm also the proud ruler of two countries, well, on nationstates.net. Really fun, I recommend it to anyone who likes to make national decisions. ^^

let's see, what else is new? Oh yes, my eighteenth birthday is coming up this june. and so is my graduation!!! that reminds me, I need to submit my yearbook DVD order...^^ oh yes, the day after my birthday, I have an exam. And then another exam at the end of the week. Stinks, huh? well, got work to do.
Haunt You Later! "Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

Posted by: @ 02:27:68pm
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Wednesday, April 30, 2003

LOOK!! I'M ALIVE!!!

no new subtitle

It's been really busy. I'm currently in the middle of writing an essay that's due tommorrow, and I'm still not done the first draft. And I think I'm over the word limit. Typical me, eh? Well, I'm having a really fun time annoying the hell out of one of my online classmates. She's getting so pissed off at me, and I'm not really caring. The only bad thing is that she goes to the same school as me, so that's sort of bad. I'm waiting for when she starts to freak on me in the halls. Dad bought me a new keyboard, as that I spilt coffee all over my last one. ...opps...
but anyways, other that a total load of work and stress, I'm doing fine. You know, it's tonnes of fun going into hospitals these days ^^. And boy, should I know!

I managed to make some new friends! Sort of. More like I finally introduced myself to ex-angel, rainjewel's friend. It's funny, now I know where they live, and it's three time zones over, at least. ah yes, time zones. The concepts that make us go insane whenever we travel really big distances. And I have a craving for pocky, and honey nut cheerios. Me want Cheerios!!! pockypockypockypocky!

**sighs** I might as well admit it now: I have a boyfriend. It's offical. I think. Veira tells me it is, and she's the 'boy expert', and so...
okay, it's Speedy! ^^ **blushes** we went out to dinner last saturday. It was great fun! I had such a good time. Especially since I'd just taken a self defense class, and was starving!

uh, no, I go to go. Updated Bittersweet studios though
Haunt You Later! "Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

Posted by: @ 03:21:28pm
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Here�s to the crazy
ones. The misfits.
The rebels. The
troublemakers. The
round pegs in the
square holes. The
ones who see things
differently. They�re
not fond of rules.
And they have no re-
spect for the status
quo. You can praise
them, disagree with
them, quote them,
disbelieve them,
glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing
you can�t do is ig-
nore them. Because
they change things.
They invent. They
imagine. They heal.
They explore. They
create. They inspire.
They push the hu-
man race forward.
Maybe they have to
be crazy. How else
can you stare at an
empty canvas and see
a work of art?
Or sit in silence
and hear a song
that�s never been
written? Or gaze at
a red planet and
see a laboratory on
wheels? We make
tools for these kinds
of people. While
some see them as
the crazy ones, we
see genius. Because
the people who
are crazy enough
to think they can
change the world,
are the ones who do.

-Anonymous

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