Chapter Two: Something's Up
Today Andrew finally admitted that he's been feeling it too. This strong urge to go back to Sunnydale. The dreams have been more intense lately, so I'm guessing something will be going down soon.
I tried to talk to him when he was in a reasonable state of mind. Well, okay, when he was drunk. The problem is, I always end up getting drunk first, so the conversations tend to turn into heated debates about the virtues, or lack thereof, of Timothy Dalton or Agent Under Fire on Playstation versus Gamecube. God, I miss my video games. Mexico is so boring. Well, besides the gallons of tequila and the frequent threats from men about 5 times my size, who speak like 2 words of English. Okay, I miss everything about Sunnydale before I turned to the dark side. I even miss high school. It's weird how you don't get what you have until you're trapped south of the border.
Okay, I know I'm rambling, but it's nice to put my thoughts down even if no one ever reads them. I can't talk to Andrew anymore without wondering exactly what's going on just beneath the surface.
I heard him talking to Warren again tonight. The weird thing is, I could almost imagine Warren there, on the other side of the conversation. I'm starting to wonder if Andrew isn't actually seeing him. Maybe some sort of residual Sunnydale thing. I don't really know if it's possible to grow up there and ever get away from it. Some things you just can't pretend never happened. I can't ever pretend that monsters aren't real, or I'm not responsible for horrible things. I know that. I think that maybe jail isn't even good enough. In my perfect world, I'll be able to prove that I can do good to them. Willow will know that I am sorry for everything, and I really didn't mean to hurt Tara. But this isn't a perfect world. Hell, even my perfect world wasn't perfect. And this can't be fixed easily or quickly. I didn't really need those years of therapy to realize that. I just had to have one conversation with Buffy to know that. She makes these huge choices every day and has to protect the world without getting anything in return. She protected me even though I had caused her so much pain. She's helped me so many times, and all I did was help cause her pain.
I am responsible for Tara dying. Okay, I didn't shoot her, Warren solely to blame on that account, but I also didn't do anything to stop it. Willow, if you ever read this, I know I should have done something. I should have faced up to Warren. Instead, I backed down. He was just a bully, like so many others, but I did nothing. I was so scared. I know it means nothing, but I knew that he would kill me. And I don't want to die. I'm just human, after all. But I'm past that now. I know that I have to go back and help. I know that it might kill me to return, but I have to do it. If only to make it up to Willow. I honestly never meant to hurt anyone. It was all just a game, and then it wasn't, but I couldn't get out.
Andrew's having the dream again. It looks like it's even worse tonight. I don't even want to go to sleep anymore. So I'll sit here with my little flashlight and try to lead you up to the events of the past few months.
Where was I? Oh yeah, back to school and curious about Buffy. Well, when Buffy came back from vacation she was different. She could have passed for another Harmony. A much prettier and, well, bitchier Harmony. She was so different, and I still have no idea exactly what happened. The rumor was that the near death experience she had before summer had freaked her out a lot. I even heard that she actually died and Xander had to bring her back with CPR. I didn't believe it back then, but now I'm not so sure. It seems as if she's always on the brink of death.
I guess this is about the time that Cordelia always seemed to be hanging around the others. This made my job easier, and, well, distracting at the same time. I guess to everyone who noticed me (all 3 of them) it looked like I was stalking Cordelia or something, but really I wasn't. Well, okay, sometimes. Mostly I was watching the other three.
I was so glad that I hid the flyer for Parent-Teacher night from my parents. I heard that Spike showed up and killed some people. Spike scares the crap out of me. I guess he wouldn't be so scary if Warren hadn't been so afraid of him. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
So some weird stories started to float around school about Buffy. There were rumors that she had fought against a biker gang high on PCP. Ordinarily, that kind of story would be laughed at, especially after seeing how small Buffy is, but in Sunnydale, well, it wouldn't be the first time something like that's happened. Maybe just the first time anyone lived to tell about it. I believed the biker gang story for a while, until I found out Spike was there, then I just assumed it had actually been vampires.
Which, by the way, vampires are REAL?! Yeah, I know I sound like a crazy person, but it's true. If you're reading this and you've been to Sunnydale, I know you have some idea what I'm talking about. The whole "vampires are real" concept pretty much explains everything in that town.
Where was I? Oh yeah, so the school gossip about that incident went on for a while. People started to come up with theories about Buffy. She was an undercover cop, she was a government spy, she was a ninja (okay, Andrew still believes this last one, even though he denies it). I guess her being some sort of prophetic superhero type person isn't any more or less believable. Just true.
Okay, before you decide that I'm a crazy person, let me get back on track. So a little while later Sunnydale had this exchange program going on with some other schools around the world. Cordelia had some huge Nordic guy staying with her, which made me a little jealous at first, but after seeing how irritated she was at him, I got over it. Buffy also had a student. This really pretty girl from South America or somewhere. I saw her and Xander hanging out a lot and just assumed they were together. Imagine my surprise when she corners me at the Bronze and starts kissing me. I asked her about Xander, but she just kept trying to kiss me. I was just as surprised as everyone else. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about that Xander. I still have no idea what happened there. It was a little surreal. As embarrassing as it is to say, I think I may have passed out afterwards. I really don't remember it too clearly. I guess she went back home right after that. I know Xander was pretty depressed. I would have tried to apologize to him or something, but a few days after that Cordelia actually started talking to me, and I kinda lost focus.