Things to do on a Friday night when Domino City is infested with Zombies.

As the sun set over Domino city on a warm, Friday night in the middle of May, there was a roar. The sort of roar one hears if a small meteorite, about the size of a large marble when it finally hit the ground, were to slam through the atmosphere, punch a hole in a building and make a crater in a parking lot the size of a car. In fact, it would have been a car, had it not just been levelled by a very small but very fast meteorite. 

A minute earlier.

There was a noise, sort of like 'ZING', and something shot through the wall near the bar, through the room, smashed a bottle of vodka into a thousand tiny pieces, then left via the opposite wall about an inch above Marik's head. The yami slowly looked up, noticed the fact that the tip of one of his insane hair spikes was in fact on fire, and put it out by pouring a glass of gin and tonic over himself. It was only out of pure luck he hadn't attempted to put it out by dousing himself in Whisky. Bakura stared at him.
"Do that again. The thing with the fire." The tomb robber demanded. 
"Can't. Hair's wet. Wait 'till it dries." Marik, the voice of reason, nodded. Neither of them seemed to care about the gaping hole in the wall just above Marik. Nobody else in the bar seemed to care either, but that was mostly because the only other person in the bar was the bartender, and he was tied up with electric tape, unconscious, and had a flower in his hair. Bakura didn't like to pay for things. Knocking the bartender out, locking the bar, putting up the closed sign, drinking as much as they wanted to and then leaving seemed like a better idea. 
It was about then that the glow started. It was a watery green, the kind of watery green used in very bad movies to signify aliens landing, or the same colour as glow in the dark stickers. It wasn't aliens. Not that Bakura and Marik were sober enough to care. It was coming through the hole in the wall above Marik's damp, gin-flavoured hair. 
"Whatsat?" Marik asked, noticing the glow. Bakura shrugged, grabbed a cushion off the seat next to him and stuffed it in the hole in the wall. Thus ended the problem of the glow. 
"S'gone now. Drink more." The thief ordered. Marik reached for his bottle of vodka only to find that it had at some point been shattered into a million pieces. Bakura reached for his gin and tonic only to find that it had been used to put Marik's hair out.
"Need more drinks." The manifestation of rage said.
"S'true." Bakura agreed amiably, staggering up and weaving his way around non-existent obstacles to the bar, which he promptly fell over. Marik stumbled up to the polished wooden surface, watching Bakura pull himself up on the other side.
"Heheh. You're the bar guy." Marik grinned drunkenly. "Get me a drink."
"Bite me. Get your own damned drinksh."
Bakura turned around to inspect the huge rack of spirits behind him and blinked at them, trying to get his eyes to focus. "Should make the labels bigger. And in hieroglyphs." He muttered to himself, then jumped and hit Marik over the head with a full bottle of rum as the other yami bit him on the shoulder.
After shaking the broken glass and rum out of his hair, completely disregarding any damage it might have done, Marik pouted.
"You told me to bite you!" He protested as Bakura glared at him murderously. The murderous glare wavered.
"I did?" He seemed to be trying to remember.
"You did!" 
Bakura took this as the truth and shrugged.
"Ok then. Drinksh." He waggled a long, thiefy finger at Marik and set two large glasses down on the bar top. They could probably have been called pitchers, really. Marik grinned again.
"I bet I can make a more poisonous drink than you. An' drink it." Marik challenged.
"Heh. We'll see, you stupid.... thing."
Bakura blinked at his inability to insult Marik properly when extremely drunk, then shrugged it off and dragged Malik's darkness over the counter with him. Then, swaying slightly, the two of them began taking random bottles of spirits and occasionally cleaning chemicals from one of the cupboards under the bar, and pouring liberal amounts into their glasses. When they'd finished, Marik stuck a cocktail umbrella in his drink and it dissolved instantly, and Bakura tried to put a slice of lemon in his own drink but it burst into flames and then melted. Shrugging, the tomb robber dusted the rim of his glass with sugar and downed it the same time Marik downed his own concoction. Slamming the glasses down, the two of them stood there, swaying, eyes glazed over as their brains fought to stay conscious and lost. With twin thuds, they both collapsed behind the bar.

[Somewhere across the city.]

"Hey, you even listenin' to me, Kaiba?!" Jounouchi demanded in his most menacing tones. Seto Kaiba was not, in fact, listening to him. He was busy. Busy having a very quiet nervous breakdown. The only differences in his appearance were that his gaze kept wandering from whatever he was supposed to be looking at to Yami, who was staring out of the window of the classroom at something. Inside his head, though, Seto Kaiba was alternating between thinking about how pretty Yami was and wondering why he deserved such torment. 
They had detention, since Jounouchi had started a fight with Seto, Yami had jumped in to stop them and the teacher had collared the three of them along with anyone else who happened to be in the vicinity, which meant Ryou, Malik and Otogi. The strange thing was, the teacher had left the room hours ago and hadn't come back. It was dark now, but nobody had the guts to leave just yet.
Ryou, Malik and Otogi were sat together in a corner, exchanging hairstyling tips. It was almost painful to watch. Then again, Seto wasn't watching them. Nor was he listening to whatever drivel Jounouchi was currently spouting. He was, in fact, watching Yami. 
Suddenly, Yami turned around and fixed him with an intense stare. Seto gave him an equally intense one back, and the two of them took a moment out from reality to simply stare at each other and have some sort of silent conversation.
"I don't think the teacher is coming back." Yami finally said, then turned back to the window.
"No." Seto agreed with Yami for once.
"Tell me something..." Yami purred in his ever-sexy voice, still facing the window. "...Are you afraid of zombies?" 
Seto frowned. 
"Zombies." He repeated flatly.
"Yes. The dead, rising from their graves to feast upon the flesh of the living. Does that worry you?" The Game King asked in all seriousness.
"Not usually." Seto replied honestly. 
"Oh." Yami seemed almost disappointed. "Never mind then." 

[Meanwhile, in the same room...]

Malik frowned.
"Do zombies worry you?" He asked his two lovers. Otogi raised an eyebrow and twirled a lock of hair around his finger carelessly.
"Only if they're trying to mess up my hair." He said after a while.
"I think they'd be trying to eat your brain. I'm fairly sure that would mess up your hair." Malik informed him.
"Then yes, zombies worry me." Otogi shrugged.
"What about you, Ryou?" Malik turned to the white haired hikari, who bit his lip nervously and nodded.
"Is there anything that *doesn't* worry you?" Otogi asked Ryou, who actually had to think about that one for a minute.
"Uh... cotton wool." He murmured.
"But you could breathe in cotton wool and suffocate." Otogi grinned helpfully. Ryou went a little paler and hid in Malik's shirt.
"I think you just killed the last thing that didn't worry him." Malik said as he patted Ryou's hair softly. Otogi just rolled his eyes.

[Back at the bar.]

"Uuuughhhh...." Came a low groan.
"Gruuuuuuhhh....." Came another.
"Braaaaaiiiiinsssss....." Came a third.
"Brains?" Bakura sat up carefully, in case his head exploded from the killer hangover he'd given himself.
"Braaaaaiiiiinnnnnssss....Urrrggggggg....." 
"Shut up..." Marik moaned, sitting up as well and smashing a bottle over the head of whatever had been making all the noise without even looking at it, then clutching his own head in pain. "Haaannngooooveeerrr..." He whined.
The rather worse-for-wear corpse that had been groaning at them slumped over next to the still-unconscious bartender and was ignored.
"Girl." Bakura smirked.
"M'not a girl." Marik pouted girlishly.
"Stop whining then. M'hungry." The tomb robber decided, dragging himself to his feet and then pulling Marik up with much effort, completely failing to notice the axe-wielding zombie looming behind them. 
"S'get food." Marik said, grabbing onto Bakura's striped shirt to stop himself falling over as the zombie raised the glistening axe. 
"S' a good idea." Bakura agreed, and the two of them staggered forward just as the axe slammed down through the bar where they'd been standing a moment ago. At the extremely loud sound of splitting wood and breaking glass, Marik paused.
"You hear that?" He asked his comrade. Bakura paused for a moment as well, listening very intently in a drunken, semi-coherent way. Finally, after about three seconds, he raised a finger to his lips.
"Shh." He said. "'S the wind." 
With that, the two of them continued on their staggered way and exited the bar, leaving one unconscious zombie and another who was trying to pull its axe out of the remains of the bar top.

[A few minutes later.]

"S' closed." Bakura frowned, standing with his arms folded outside a rather dubious-looking takeaway that had definitely never been paid a visit by the health inspectors.
"But... but... food. In there. Nhh." Marik managed, waving the hand that wasn't clutching his forehead in the direction of the darkened shop front for emphasis. Bakura frowned a little more and thought about this for a moment, wondering at the same time how it was that he was still staggeringly drunk, and yet already had a hangover. He wasn't paying any attention to the hordes of the undead clawing their way out of their graves in the cemetery across the street, or the crowds of greyish-green animated corpses dragging themselves in lurching steps along the road towards them. The fires from dozens of burning, crashed vehicles littering the roads and sidewalks, and the occasional screams of terror from across the town of Domino were given no thought. Not that anything else was getting much thought from the two yamis, other than how they could possibly get a kebab when the takeaway was closed. 
Finally, though, Bakura unfolded his arms and poked at his Sennen Ring, dangling on a moth-eaten length of rope around his neck.
"Find Hikari." He grunted at it, and the Ring faithfully obeyed, glowing brightly and raising one of its pointers to direct the thief towards Domino High School. Bakura turned to Marik and pointed the way the Ring had just shown him, letting the Sennen Item fall back to his chest.
"Hikari can cook for us. He makes... stuff. Flat things. Round, put sugar on them." Bakura winced in pain as his pickled brain tried to remember the word.
"Bread?" Marik offered, stepping aside quite casually as a zombie that looked as though it might once have been someone's grandmother went crashing through the window of the kebab shop and lay there twitching on the floor.
"Pancakes. That's it. Hikari makes pancakes. Nh." Bakura wavered from the effort of having remembered the word 'pancakes' and grabbed hold of Marik's sleeve, leaning on him for a moment before he got his balance back. Then, ignoring the huge explosion from somewhere across town that had at one point been a petrol station, the two of them staggered off towards the school to find their lighter halves.

[Back at the School.]

"It's nearly one o' clock in the morning. Isn't this detention a little extreme?" Otogi mentioned, looking at his watch. "And what was that bang just now?"
"The teacher isn't coming back. And that bang was the petrol station across town going up in flames." Yami supplied helpfully. Seto was still watching him, and Malik, Otogi and Ryou were alternating between whining, trying to find things that didn't worry Ryou and watching Seto and Yami's slightly creepy romance. Jou was asleep sprawled over one of the desks in a corner, and Otogi had drawn a butterfly on his cheek with permanent marker.
"I hope it wasn't my Yami..." Ryou muttered quietly, then brightened up a little. "Plushies. Plushies don't worry me." 
"Some of them are flammable." Malik pointed out, at which Ryou grimaced.
"So how do you know Miss Whatsit isn't coming back?" Otogi asked, balancing a die on the tip of each of his fingers. He made a fancy wrist movement and the dice vanished back to wherever they'd magically appeared from. Ryou and Malik were quite impressed.
"She's dead. The guy from the video rental store is eating her brain." Yami explained quite calmly, still looking out of the window. 
"Didn't he die a few days ago?" Otogi frowned, ignoring the part about the brain eating.
"Yes. Yes he did." Yami turned slowly and gave Otogi a completely unreadable look that probably meant nothing at all, then went back to staring out of the window at the death, destruction and mayhem going on all around the school.
"He died? Really? Wow, I just rented a movie from him. What'd he die of?" Malik asked.
"I dunno," Otogi tilted his head to the side in thought, "didn't he explode or something?"
"Spontaneous combustion? Is that real?" Ryou asked slightly nervously.
"Yeah, I watched a documentary about it. Loads of people died from it. Only their feet were left." Malik grinned happily.
"Why their feet?" Otogi asked, playing with his earring.
"No idea, I wasn't paying attention. I was busy staring at the severed feet. It was SO cool." The Egyptian tomb keeper cackled. Ryou looked slightly ill.
"Bakura and Marik are here." Yami announced calmly, about a tenth of a second before the two spirits fell through the door to the classroom.
"Guuuhhhh." Came a drawn-out groan from the two of them as they dragged themselves up and lurched over to where Ryou, Malik and Otogi sat on the floor beside the radiator.
"Umm... They're not zombies, are they?" Ryou asked nervously, staring up at his and Malik's yamis.
"I think they're just staggeringly drunk." Otogi reassured. Malik, testing the theory, stuck out a leg and watched in amusement as Marik and Bakura tripped over it and fell in a heap on the floor.
"Yami? Are you alright?" Ryou asked, poking Bakura gently between the eyes, which snapped open creepily.
"M' hungry, dammit. Thingy... Kebab place was all closed. Got an old lady through the window anyway. Make pancakes." The thief demanded, dragging himself out from under Marik to sit under a desk. 
"Hikariiii. Feeed meee." Marik gave Malik huge watery puppy dog eyes, his stomach groaning in emphasis.
Otogi grinned, feeling quite hungry himself.
"Anyone fancy a trip to the cafeteria?" He asked, completely blanking out the screams coming from outside.
Ryou sighed.
"Oh, I suppose there's no reason why not." He muttered.

TBC

This WAS meant to be a one-shot. Alas, I don't have the attention span to finish it in one sitting, so you get multi-chapter stupidity.