Disclaimer: Don't own it. This disclaimer is getting shorter every time I write it.

Warnings: Pointless, plotless lemony goodness, YAOI, humour, swearing... Not really much else to say. That's pretty much it.

Author: Koneko Shido

A/N: WHY am I writing this? For reasons unknown, I'm in the mood to write a pointless lemon. Point of view (After the beginning bit) is Bakura, BTW. And he has his own body, for obvious reasons. (Read on and you'll know why he needs it. Heheheh.)

Stuck.
By Koneko Shido

Ryou stepped into the lift and pressed the button for the ground floor, glad to be alone in the elevator. He hated having anyone else in there with him because it always ended up being one of three types of people. Either a) a sleazy-looking drunk guy who would spend the whole ride down to the ground floor breathing down his neck, b) a stressed out parent with a million shopping bags and two children, who would be pulling each other's hair and crying the whole time, or c) some happy teenage couple who would spend the whole ride making out up against the wall. So he was alone in the metal box, and happy with the situation. That is, until he was about halfway down and the lights flickered. Okay, no problem. It made him slightly nervous, since the elevator was starting to make worrying noises, but there were only ten floors to go. However, it seemed that the gods were mocking him, as Bakura would have said, because the next moment the lights went out completely and the lift began to plunge towards the ground at breakneck speed. Ryou had no time to even draw in a breath to cry out, though, because then the plummeting lift decided to stop, quite unexpectedly, seven floors from the ground. As it lurched to a halt, Ryou yelped and was thrown against the back wall like a rag doll, groaning half in pain and half in annoyance as everything slowly faded to black.

* * * 
(Yami Bakura POV)

What the...? Ok, at this point in time I will admit to being slightly confused. And know that this annoys me greatly. Sensing a disturbance in my hikari's normally placid mind, I came out of the Sennen Ring to see what the hell was going on, and I have found myself here. In what appears to be a box. With my hikari unconscious on the floor, and very annoying music playing from a speaker somewhere. There appear to be glowing buttons on one wall and for a moment I consider pressing them, since pressing buttons is something I enjoy doing. Ryou tells me I may have obsessive compulsive something or other. Disorder, that's it. I don't care, I just like to press buttons. In this situation, however, I manage to restrain myself, since I have no idea what they do and I have no desire to find out. Ryou is on the floor, out cold, so that doesn't bode well for the whole pressing buttons situation. Perhaps they trigger poisoned gas from the speakers? Or maybe they cause the ceiling to slowly drop down and crush us both to death. Well, crush Ryou to death; I'm already dead and I could always just hop back into my Sennen Ring. 
I think I may be going off topic a little here. Ryou tells me I may also have attention deficit disorder. I think he just enjoys telling me what a headcase I am. Well, who am I to argue with the voice of reason? He's usually right. 
Speaking of him being the voice of reason, perhaps I should wake him up and ask him why I am in a box? Yes, that sounds like a good idea, even though he looks pretty good when he's asleep. He seems to have slid down the back wall of this box thing, because he's sitting on the floor with his back against the wall and his head bowed forward, looking extremely cute and pathetic. So, being me, I kick him. Not too roughly, just enough to wake him up and make him mumble something that sounds like 'fuck off Bakura'. 
"Wake up and tell me where I am!" I demand, glaring at him. He moans and brings a hand up to his head, swearing again. And he's supposed to be the innocent one, I haven't sworn once yet, and he's done it twice. This annoys me.
"Wake the fuck up!" I growl. What? I have a reputation to uphold, you know. 
Finally he looks up at me, scowling adorably. He really can't pull off looking angry; it always just looks cute to me. It's funny.
"What happened?" He asks, the same question people always ask when they wake up from being knocked unconscious. 
"How the hell should I know? Why are we in a box? What do these buttons do? How do I make that music stop?" I demand. The music is really starting to annoy me now. 
"Shut up?" He suggests, looking pissy. Now there's one look he *can* pull off. He looks around as I shrug nonchalantly and sit down on the carpeted floor, figuring out for myself that he's going to be here for a while, and I may as well stick around to torment him. Or... other things. Mwahah.
"So?" I ask, looking expectant.
"So, what?" He mutters, standing up and going over to the panel with the glowing buttons on it.
"So why are we in this metal box and why were you knocked out? And why is that music so annoying?" 
Ryou looks at me like I'm a complete idiot or something. He tends to do that a lot. It doesn't really bother me. If anyone else looks at me like that, though, I will gut them. Just so you don't get any ideas.
"We're in an elevator. We're stuck here. Well, I'm stuck here. And they always play this sort of music in elevators, I have no idea why." He informs me, pressing a button with an alarm symbol on it. Nothing happens. Well, that was an anticlimax. I'd expected big sirens to go off or something. Shame. Ryou doesn't seem too happy, he presses it a few more times then kicks the wall, which amusingly makes the entire elevator lurch and fall a few feet before stopping. Ryou looks terrified.
"You look worried," I comment as he slides numbly to the ground next to me and whimpers.
"How astute of you. However, I have a very good reason to be worried." He says in his too-terrified-to-be-annoyed voice. 
"And that is...?" I ask, simply because I'm too lazy to work it out for myself.
"Well, to begin with I'm trapped in an elevator that could fall seven floors at any second. Then there's the fact that the alarms don't seem to be working so nobody knows I'm here, and I have no idea when, or even if, anyone will be coming to get me out of here. And lastly, I am trapped in a confined space with a maniac." He says.
"Maniac? Oh, right, that would be me." I grin wickedly, then stand up. "You worry too much." I tell him, then start jumping up and down. The elevator makes a groaning sound but doesn't move any more. I'd expected Ryou to scream or something, but he's just sitting there, pressed up against the wall, watching me with really, really big eyes. He's gone completely white. Heheh.
"Are... you... INSANE?!?" He shrieks, snapping back to reality.
"Yes?" I remind him.
"You-you-you... ARGH!!" He spazzes, then lashes out with a foot and catches me by surprise.
"Ow!" I grunt/yelp, falling over. On top of Ryou, who glares up at me angrily.
"Well this is nice," I comment, looking down at him and making him widen his eyes in surprise as he realizes what I want.
"No. No, no, no!" He yells, trying to wriggle out from beneath me. I think not. 
"Why not?" I ask, sounding slightly petulant as I try to unbutton his shirt and his hands keep getting in the way.
"Because when they find my crushed body at the bottom of this elevator shaft, I want to be wearing all my clothes!"
"Really, you need to sort out your priorities in life." I tell him, finally managing to get his damned shirt off. I swear he only wears clothes with so many buttons just to annoy me. And then he sulks if I rip them, and makes me sleep on the couch. He can be such a bitch when he wants to.
"No! Bakura, stop it! Ahh!" He yelps as I duck my head down with an evil smirk and bite one of his cute little nipples. I feel slightly guilty for doing that, though, so afterwards I lick it to take away the sting. 
"No! No... Ahhh..." He trails off, his breaths coming a bit quicker and his struggling subsiding a little. Really, he's *such* an uke. He makes uke sounds and everything. Little whimpers and mewls like a cat. I smirk against his skin and move down to kiss his slim stomach, dipping my tongue into his navel and making him squirm.
"Stop... it... you... sex... obsessed... neurotic..." He pants, groaning as I unbutton the jeans he's wearing. Ryou looks good in jeans. He looks even better out of them, though. Just as I'm about to unzip his zipper, he suddenly yelps and wriggles free, jumping to his feet and stumbling back. I look up at him, grinning like the Cheshire cat because we both know he can't get away and I'm a very bad person. He looks a little flushed and he's panting slightly, glaring weakly at me in a feeble attempt to scare me off, when we both know he's just being difficult because I almost killed him by jumping up and down a few minutes ago.
Standing up slowly, I walk over to him and he folds his arms over his now bare chest, looking pissed off. He looks like that a lot. I can't think why.
"Go away." He mutters, turning his back on me like a child. Oh, not a smart move.
I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him back against me, slipping one hand down to unzip those Ra-damned jeans and see what I can find inside... He tries to push me away but stops when I finally get to shake hands with one of my favourite bits of him. He goes limp in my arms with a little choked gasp, his death grip on my arm loosening.
"For someone playing hard to get, you sure are... hard," I grin evilly, giving him a few firm strokes just to hear him moan. 
"Oh, shut up." He tells me in a slightly shaky voice, closing his eyes. "I have every right to play... ahh... hard to get. You-you almost... mmmhh... killed me... And I'm stuck in this... unhh! This bloody lift with... ahh... with you and that bloody music! Ahh!" He cries out, his head falling back against my shoulder and his breath coming in hitched little gasps. 
"Are you saying you'd rather I left?" I ask with a smirk, toying with his nipples idly with my free hand because it needed something to do.
"Up until a few moments ago, yes! But now if you stop... ahhnhh... if you stop I'll murder you!" He moans. Murder me? Hah! I'd like to see him try, I happen to be a psycho.
"You're picky." I mutter, kissing the side of his throat. He opens his chocolate-coloured eyes, turning his head to the side a little to glare at me.
"And you're a bastard." He informs me, as if I didn't know. 
"Thank you," I smirk evilly, then decide his lips look tasty, so I capture them up in a long, deep kiss.
He moans into my mouth as I speed up the pace, sliding the hand that had been trailing over his chest around to his back and down the back of his bloody in-the-way jeans. He shivers as I yank the damned things down so that I can slip my hand between his thighs and dip a finger inside him, making him break off the kiss to gasp sharply.
"I'm going to die... in an elevator... being fucked by a psychopath..." He moans as I add another finger to the one already inside him.
"Probably, but at least you'll get to be on the news," I grin happily, adding yet another finger.
"Ohhh god..." He groans as I brush my fingers against a place inside him that makes him buck against me and shudder. "That's not a good thing, you idiot..." 
I smirk and brush my fingers against that place inside him again, making him choke out my name desperately and clutch at my arm, turning his head to the side again for another kiss.
I can tell he's about ready to come because he's stopped bitching and he's trembling in my arms. As usual I'm right and a moment later he throws his head back and cries out, shuddering violently. He almost collapses to the floor but I push him forward so that he's leaning against the wall, panting and struggling to recover as fast as he can so that he can bitch at me a bit more before he finally lets me fuck him. It's a nice, healthy relationship, as you can probably tell.
Not giving him a chance to recover and thus escaping the inevitable complaining, I unbutton my jeans, which happen to be an exact replica of the ones Ryou is half wearing because he has about a million pairs and most of the time I just steal his clothes. Yes. So then I take hold of his hips and slowly line myself up and begin to push into him. By now he's managed to stop shuddering and he lets me press him up against the wall of the lift, pushing all the way inside him. He's not too tight, since you'd be surprised how often we do this sort of thing. Not usually in a broken elevator, but you get the idea. 
"You're sleeping on the couch..." He moans, letting me nip at his neck while I let him adjust to me.
"Will you sleep there with me?" I ask, licking his neck and giving a long, slow thrust. He places his palms on the wall and pushes back gently, his pale skin glistening with a fine sheen of sweat. He looks good enough to eat.
"No, you idiot, because that would... mmmhh... completely void the point of you sleeping ... ahh...on the couch." He tries to tell me off, gasping as I walk my fingers over his hip to take hold of him again, biting his shoulder playfully. I think he enjoys bitching all the time. I think it's because he's English. 
"Have I ever told you I think you complain too much?" I smirk, thrusting a little faster and giving him a love bite on his shoulder because I know he hates them.
"Have I ever told you I don't care what you think?" He informs me.
"Probably." I give him another love bite to piss him off. 
"Do that again and you'll regret it!" He gasps, growling as I do exactly what he just told me not to. I'm amazed that he can still argue even in the middle of having sex. 
"Why, what are you going to do to me?" I laugh, amused at being threatened by my supposedly weak little hikari. 
"Oh, you asked for it." He growls, then clenches his inner muscles around me. Really, really hard.
"Ahh!" I cry, not being able to help it. Two can play at this game, though. Clenching my teeth, I squeeze him hard with my hand, gasping in relief when he cries out and relaxes his muscles a little from their death grip around me. That was just plain evil. I'm so proud. 
"Nnnhhh..." He moans, spreading his legs a little wider apart for me and panting harshly. 
He's ready to come again, thus the lack of complaining about every Ra-damned little thing. Good, I'm pretty close too, so I speed up the pace and hang on to my tiny bit of self-control, wanting to see him come first. After a few more thrusts into him he cries out my name loudly and claws at the wall in front of him, his back arching. He's so sexy when he does that. I give one more sharp thrust and let go, releasing inside him and biting his shoulder, because he has that pale skin that bruises really easily and I think his bruises are sexy. They're mostly hand prints and teeth marks, and he likes them because it gives him something else to bitch about. And they say *I'm* strange.
When those little shuddering aftershocks have finally left him he slides down the wall and kneels on the floor, doing his jeans up and glaring hotly at me.
"What??" I ask, doing my jeans up as well. 
"Where is my shirt?" He demands, still glaring at me. I pick said shirt up off the floor and throw it at him, since handing it to him would imply that I'm a nice, civil person.
He puts it on, *still* glaring at me like I just stomped on a kitten or something. 
Suddenly a faint banging sound makes him turn towards the lift doors, folding his arms and looking pissed off again.
"About time." He mutters, glaring at me out of the corner of his eye. 
"Don't pretend you didn't enjoy it." I smirk, walking around behind him and grabbing him around the waist, nipping at his neck again.
"Stop it! Someone's going to see!" He blushes madly, struggling. Just as the doors of the elevator open I vanish, leaving him to stumble forward into the arms of some random maintenance man, blushing like crazy. Because, kiddies, timing is everything. Heheheh. 
I wonder when he's going to notice the huge love bite I just gave him on the side of his neck? I think I just earned myself another night on the couch. Oh well, it was worth it.

The End

There, that was lemony and pointless. Which is what it was supposed to be, so I guess I didn't fail too badly. Yes, I know Ryou was madly OOC, but I like bitchy Ryou better. And Bakura was also madly OOC, but I have no excuse for that. Heheh. I hope you enjoyed it!