A/N: Composed of sheer weirdness. *rolls eyes* And, contrary to the first line, it isn't a suicide fic. There isn't even much angst. This is soooo random. *shakes head* Brain melting... need gore to counterract evil fluff... Must write Bakura...
Seto Kaiba POV, by the way.
Added Note: Sakura blossoms are Cherry blossoms, just in case anyone gets confused. ^_^
Sakura Blossom Spell
"Have you ever wanted to die?" He asks me softly, in that pretty accent he has. I don't know why he's asking me that, I barely know him. I've watched him plenty of times, but never really had a chance to speak with him. Now, though, we're together in the empty classroom after school. I am here because of my curiousity over him, he is here because he does not seem to want to move from his seat, as though that would break some spell over him.
"No." I answer him, perched on the desk next to his with my arms folded, watching him watch the sakura blossoms outside. I don't think he even really notices I'm looking at him. Were it anyone else they would be afraid, perhaps, of being so closely observed by Seto Kaiba, the powerful, rich CEO of Kaibacorp. He, however, is just staring out of the window with those endlessly sad brown eyes. His eyes are what draws me to him the most. They never seem to lose that sadness, even when he smiles. His friends fall for the act, but I am used to reading people and am not fooled. I despise his so-called friends. I have so many reasons to hate them that it makes me seethe just thinking about those hypocrites. They preach friendship over everything else, yet treat Ryou like an outsider. They forget about him the second something more interesting comes along and I hate them for not noticing when he needs someone to listen to him. Like today, and today *I* will listen.
"Not even when things were the worst they could get? Even then?" He asks quietly. He doesn't question the fact that I am listening to him, and for that I am grateful because I do not know how to answer that question even to myself. Perhaps it is because he is the embodiment of perfection in my eyes. I can see the many flaws in each one of Yuugi's little group, but Ryou has none. Not to me. Yuugi is too innocent and trusting, his naivete would have gotten him killed a long time ago if not for his pharaoh spirit. Jounouchi - that dog - is indescribably stupid. Anzu holds friendship above everything else, even reality. One day she will discover the harsh realities of the real world and all the rose-tinted glass she sees life through will shatter around her. On that day she will see people for what they really are and it will break her. Such childish ideals cannot last, even when one is as consumed with them as she is.
They all have their faults. Even I have mine, though I am loathe to admit it. I know that my arrogance has gotten me into trouble before, but it is something I need to get me through life. I need that confidence in myself to be unwavering, because in my life I have no time for doubts.
Ryou. He is perfect. He has an aura of quiet calm around him that brings me a sense of peace whenever I manage to get close to him. If that dog and his friends are being their usual happy, loud and annoying selves I just have to take one look at Ryou, watching their childish antics with a smile on his face and pity in his eyes from the sidelines. He makes coming to this god-forsaken building and shouldering the responsibilities of schoolwork along with my company worth every second.
"I have never wanted to die." I tell him truthfully. Even when things were their worst. Even through Gozaburo and Pegasus, and the orphanage. Through everything. I have never wanted to die. I am not an optimist by nature, but I can see the future when things are at their lowest point. I have faith in change.
"That is admirable." He smiles slightly, still watching the sakura blossoms swirling down from the trees.
"Have you ever wanted to die?" I ask, noting the strange way the words sound to my ears. I am used to demanding things, not asking. I do not ask questions, I demand answers. He does not notice my uncharacteristic act, though. Perhaps he does notice, but he makes no outward sign that it means anything to him.
"Occasionally," he says offhandedly, as though it isn't something that matters to him a lot. I hate it. I want to shake him and tell him that I will never let him die, because I am selfish and need him to be there to melt my coldness with his calming warmth. I need him. I need his chocolate, sad eyes and his snowy white hair, his pale, smooth skin and his beautiful English accent. I want to lock him away in my lonely mansion and keep him all for myself. I hate having to share him with those fools who take him for granted and forget him when it suits them.
"Why?" I ask him, needing to know what could bring him to such thoughts. He watches the sakura blossoms a little longer, silently contemplating his answer. I love the way he thinks about what he's going to say instead of just saying whatever idiotic thing pops into his head first like Jounouchi, or Honda, or any of those others. Yuugi would find some politically correct, not-threatening answer that could not possibly offend anyone. Yami Yuugi would find something to say and at the same time attempt to teach the listener a lesson with his words. Anzu would answer truthfully but then claim that her friends were always there for her and that everyone should have faith. Ryou, though, will look within himself and give an honest answer, even though it may not always be what everyone wants to hear, and it may not teach the listener anything useful. I love that about him.
"Just times when things were bad and I was too blind to see the future." He smiles softly, then presses his fingertips to the windowpane and seems to take a moment to savour the sensation of the coldness of the glass meeting his warm skin. He feels things more than anyone else, takes the time to absorb each moment of life as it happens to him. People think this makes him distant, but it only brings him all that much closer to me. He reminds me that I have to live occasionally, not just survive each day. He has no idea what he does to me, how much of me he saves from fading away into the cold businessman I was moulded to be.
"Have you ever cried?" He murmurs in his entrancing voice, a soft smile still on his lips. I could listen to his voice for hours.
"Not since my parents died." I tell him. To anyone else I would never have given an honest answer, but Ryou is not like everyone else. That is the thing I love most about him. "Have you?"
He is the type of person one would expect to cry. Not because he is effeminate, although that is certainly one factor to it. I would expect him to cry because he feels everything that much deeper than everyone else.
"No. I can't remember the last time I cried." He surprises me. I am not surprised often, I could almost congratulate him on his achievement.
"Why not?" It seems a strange question and I regret asking, but he takes it in and considers it as he does everything else, not judging or trying to think up lies to cover the truth.
"I haven't found anything worth crying over yet." He finally answers, then we have a moment of comfortable silence as the light breeze blows the sakura blossoms into the sun. After this slight pause, he smiles again.
"Have you ever fallen in love?" He asks this quietly, his voice a little hushed as though he is speaking of something sacred.
"Yes. Have you?" I answer, then ask. He turns to look at me with those beautiful, gentle brown eyes and watches me for a little while, making me feel as though he can read every thought behind my eyes. I do not mind.
"Yes," he smiles, "I love you."
He says that as though it is the most obvious thing in the world, and I want to be surprised, ask him when, and how, and why. But, strangely, I am not shocked by his words. Somehow I knew he loved me. And he knows that I love him as well.
As the sakura blossoms dance past in pink swirls outside the glass pane of the window, I give something to him that I have kept inside for a very long time. A real, true smile. He returns it with one of his own, and for once that endless sadness is absent from his eyes. I never thought anything could be as beautiful as he is right now.
I want to kiss him, take him home with me and hold him in my arms, but I don't want to break the peaceful spell that surrounds us here in this empty classroom, filled with the warm golden glow of the afternoon sun. Instead, I simply take his hand in mine and hold it gently, turning back to watch the blossoms fall from the trees as his pale, delicate fingers intertwine with my own. I think that right now, for these few seconds, I have found the one perfect moment in my life. It is his gift to me, and I will treasure it as long as I live.
The End
I think that was quite possibly the strangest thing I've ever written...