Disclaimer: Not mine! A/N: The song is 'Bring your Daughter to the Slaughter' by Iron Maiden. If anyone cares. ^_^;; Question Time 25 Bakura: *singing...* Bring your daughter to the slaughter, let her go, let her go, let her goooo!!! Ryou: Shut up? Bakura: And- Ryou: Now?! Bakura: But I have this song stuck in my head! Ryou: How would you like an ICE PICK stuck in your head?? Bakura: Is that a trick question? Ryou: ... Bakura: Well, somebody fell out of the wrong side of the bed. Ryou: ...? What? Oh, shut up, you white haired idiot. Bakura: But you have white hair- Ryou: Shut up, I don't care. Bakura: Why are you so bitchy today then? Did you run out of Weetabix again? Ryou: No, and the only reason I ran out last time was because *you* decided to build a sculpture of a *whale* out of it on the dining room table!! Life sized!! Bakura: Heheh. That was fun. Ryou: I'm still getting over finding Pegasus in the bath. Naked, might I add. There are some things a person is never, ever meant to see, and Pegasus naked is most definitely one of them. Bakura: So why are you being *even more* bitchy than usual today? Is it because of the therapy thing? Ryou: Am I supposed to be *happy* about that?? Bakura: But it'll be fun!! And everyone else is going, you get to see how crazy all your stupid friends are! Ryou: I already *know* how crazy they are, that's why I'm not looking forward to this. Even Kaiba is going to be there! Bakura: Hee. Kaiba's the biggest headcase of all. Ryou: No, that would be *you*. Bakura: I'm not crazy! Well... alright, you have me there. But Kaiba is definitely in need of a head doctor. Can anyone say 'brother complex'? And what the hell is with that stupid coat? And did you know he argues with his inner child? And he wears belts on his feet. Ryou: Well, Yami and Yugi wear belts around their necks, why aren't you upset about that? Bakura: Good strangling opportunity. That's a point, imagine how stupid the pharaoh would look if his tomb read: 'great pharaoh whatever, strangled by his own idiotic neck belt'. Heheh. 'Also buried here, pharaoh's underage-looking sex-toy.' Ryou: I assume you mean Yugi? Bakura: *nodnod* Yeah, that thing. Ryou: Yugi is not a *thing*, he's a- Bakura; When's everyone else getting here? I'm bored. Can I have some more coffee? Where's Frankensnakie? Can I bring him to the therapy thingy with me? Will you sit next to me? I don't want to sit next to the pharaoh. Will you let me tie Anzu to the back of a car yet? Or even better, I could push her in front of a train! Or cover her in meat paste and throw her into the tiger cage at the zoo! Hmm, but how would I get her past the guards...? Ryou: I can't believe you're actually seriously thinking about how you could do that. Bakura: I could cut her up first, and put her in bags... Ryou: I need a cup of tea... Bakura: Coffee! Ryou: No, tea. Bakura: But tea is for *girls*! Ryou: Die!! Bakura: *staring at the teacup that just slammed into the wall next to his head and shattered into a million pieces* Ooookay then. Ryou: How dare you insult the tea! Say sorry, you evil bastard!! Bakura: Say sorry to the tea? I thought *I* was the insane one? Is this why you're coming to therapy with us? You have 'tea isssues'. Heheheh. That's such a girly thing to have issues about. Ryou: Will you stop calling me girly?! Bakura: But you *are* girly. Ryou: I don't care!! Bakura: You screech like a girl, too. Ryou: Argh!! * * * [At the therapy session, in the waiting room] Marik: Why are we here? Malik: We're going to see a head doctor. Marik: Why? Yugi: We all have issues! Marik: We do? Kaiba: Apparently. Jou: I don't have issues. *pout* Marik: Dog. Jou: I'M NOT A DOG!!! Kaiba: And that would be your share of the issues. I still don't see why I should be here. Bakura: Where's Mokuba? Kaiba: At school. With three bodyguards, constant surveillance, a cell phone and a gun. I also have him bugged. Bakura: *cough-freak-cough* Ryou: *slap* Be nice. Bakura: I can't. It goes against my religion. Ryou: And don't lie! You'll go to hell! Bakura: I can't stop lying, I'm a compulsive liar. Wait... I just told the truth... Does that mean I'm not a compulsive liar? But I lie about everything else... Oww, my brain! Ryou: Shut up. Stop confusing yourself, you'll only make them think you're even *more* insane. Bakura: Than who? Ryou: Good point. Yami: Well, at least I'm sane. That's nice to know. Bakura: *snort* Marik: *cackle* Malik: You're sane? Since when? Did you get that egomania fixed, then? Yami: Shut up, Fruit Loop, before I re-introduce your nice shiny motorbike to the business end of my puzzle. Malik: HARLEY-CHAN!! NO!!! Ryou: *sigh* We're not even in therapy yet... Yugi: *blinkblink* Bakura: Ryou! Make it stop blinking at me! Eyes! Argh! Bushbaby! Yugi: *blink* What? Ryou: Ignore him. I do. Yugi: Ok then! Doctor: Alright, we're ready for you. Please step right this way. Ryou: I forsee this going badly... * * * Doctor: Alright, let's see. We have... Ryou Bakura, Ryou Bakura's evil twin, Yugi Motou, Yugi Motou's not-so-evil twin, Malik Ishtar, Malik Ishtar's very evil twin, Seto Kaiba and Jounouchi Katsuya. Is that all? Ryou: Otogi would be here, but Bakura won't tell me where he's hidden him. Doctor: Uh... alright then... Bakura: *grin* He's looking after Frankensnakie for me. Doctor: Frankensnakie? Bakura: My pet. I *made* him. Doctor: You made him? Out of what? Bakura: Other people's pets. I like to make things. I'm very creative. Ryou: *shudder* Doctor: I...see. Alright, today we're all here to assess your state of mental health. Let's start with you, Malik. Tell me, what do you see here? *holds up inkblot* Malik: My motorbike. Doctor: And this one? Malik: My motorbike under a tree. Doctor: And.. this one? Malik: A cloud shaped like my motorbike. Doctor: This one here? Malik: That's... Argh! The pharaoh scratching my motorbike! No!! Wa~aaaah!!! *clings to Marik* Marik: *petpet* Harley-chan is ok, we locked it up in the garage, remember? Malik: *sniffle* She's ok? Marik: *nodnod* Malik: Promise? *puppy eyes* Marik: *nodnodnod* Doctor: Alright, I think we've established what your problem is. How about we move on to you, Marik. What do you see in this inkblot? Marik: Ink. Doctor: Other than the ink. Marik: Paper? Doctor: No, I mean what does the shape of the ink remind you of? Marik: Well... It's the same kind of shape you get if you drop a bucket full of blood off a building, I guess... Bakura: Nah, it's more like when you hang someone up and slash them open, and their blood drips on Ryou's white carpet. Marik: Oh yeah, it *is* more like that. Ryou: *sigh* Doctor: Uh... Right. Let's move on to you, Kaiba. What do you see here? *Holds up another inkblot* Kaiba: Mokuba. Doctor: And here? Kaiba: A dog. Jou: I'M NOT A DOG!!! Doctor: ...? Kaiba: Ignore him. He's having an identity crisis at the moment. Doctor: Very well then... What do you see here? Kaiba: Me beating Yami into the ground at Duel Monsters. *glares at Yami* Yami: *sticks out tongue* He can't beat me because I'm superior. It makes him do stupid things like threaten to jump off buildings. Kaiba: That wasn't- Doctor: Hmm, I see. I shall have to look into this further at some point. I'll book you in for another session next week, Mr. Kaiba. Kaiba: What?! Yami: *smirk* Kaiba: *glare* Doctor: Alright, now what about you, Jounouchi? What do you see here? Jou: A collar. Doctor: And here? Jou: A leash. Doctor: Here? Jou: Dog biscuits. Doctor: *Ahem* Ok, I think we've established that you have problems with being called a dog, yes? Jou: Yeah, well it's only 'cause *he* calls me that all the time! *points at Kaiba* Kaiba: But you *are* a dog. Jou: I'm not a dog! Kaiba: I think you'll find you are. Jou: I'm not!! And you're one to talk, you nympho! If I weren't sleeping with you I'd- Kaiba: Be sleeping in a kennel? Jou: ARGH!! *tearing at hair* I'm not a dog!!! Doctor: Quite. Now, what about you, Yami? What do you see in this inkblot? Yami: Me, beating Kaiba at Duel Monsters. *smirk* Kaiba: *growl* Doctor: Fine. And here? Yami: Me beating everyone else at Duel Monsters. Doctor: Alright... This one? Yami: Me saving everyone all the time. Doctor: Ok... Kaiba: You don't save everyone all the time, you useless washed-up pathetic- Yami: La, la, la, I can't hear you. *fingers in ears* Bakura: *pout* He stole that from me. Doctor: Lovely... Ok, now let's move on to you, Yugi. What do you see in this inkblot? Yugi: *blinkblink* A bunny? Is it a bunny? *bounce* Doctor: It's whatever you want it to be. Yugi: I want it to be a bunny! Doctor: And is it a bunny? Yugi: No, it still looks like a huge monster with a thousand teeth and black eyes of death. Aww, I wanted it to be a bunny. Yami: *patpat* Doctor:...This one? Yugi: Is this one a bunny? Because it looks more like a man with no head lying in a pool of blood. Bakura: Cool. Can I have that one? Doctor: *blink* Uh... What about this one, Yugi? Yugi: That one sort of looks like a bunny... In a vat of acid, screaming... Don't you have any nice pictures? Doctor: Um... Let's move on. Ryou, what do you see here? Ryou: Bakura destroying my house. Doctor: And here? Ryou: Bakura killing all the neighbourhood pets. Doctor: Here? Ryou: Me murdering Bakura in his sleep. Bakura: Aww, I love you too, Ryou-chan! Ryou: *twitch* Doctor: Indeed. Bakura, what do you see in this inkblot? Bakura: Err... A bunny? Yugi: Really? Where? *staring at inkblot* Aww, that doesn't look like a bunny, it just looks like someone with their legs sawn off. Bakura: It does? Hey, you're right, it does. Hmm. Doctor: Uh... This one? Bakura: The pharaoh getting attacked by a crazy guy with a chainsaw. Oh wait, that's me. Heheh. Yami: *glare* Doctor: Um... this one? Bakura: That one looks like that cat from next door after I skinned it. Ryou: *shiver* Doctor:...That's...nice. Alright, I think we've pretty much gotten past the fact that you all need serious help. Kaiba: You'll be hearing from my lawyer. Marik: Do we have a lawyer, hikari? Malik: No, we set his wife on fire and he quit, remember? Marik: No? Malik: We don't have one. We should get a new one, that guy says we're insane. *points at doctor* Marik: We *are* insane. Malik: ...We are? Marik: Very. Malik: Oh. Doctor: Alright... That concludes the therapy session for today, please collect your next appointment dates on the way out. Bakura: *snort* Like hell. Ryou: Oh, you're *going*. Bakura: But Ryou! *whine* I'm not crazy! Ryou: I beg to differ. Bakura: Meanie. TBC That sort of trailed off near the end, but yeah... that's the last Question Time chapter I'm writing! But I'm still doing lots of other fics, so go read them if you want more.
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