Disclaimer: Don't own it. But I do own Frankensnakie!! *pets Frankensnakie*
Warnings: Random, random stupidity. Did I mention random?? Slight mention of cruelty to Otogi's dog.
Author: Koneko Shido
A/N: Marik and Malik. For anyone who cares, Harley-chan is Malik's motorbike (a Harley Davidson), Frankensnakie is Bakura's freakish pet, and Marik is insane. Plus, remember Yami scratching Harley-chan with his puzzle? Remember that. Yes. 'Tis important-ish.
Question Time 23
Marik: Hikari! I want a pet!! I neeeeed one!!
Malik: Why do you need a pet??
Marik: Everyone else has one!
Malik: Since when were you a conformist?
Marik: *blink* Erm... yes?
Malik: That made no sense. Anyway, nobody we know has a pet, so why do you need one? Wait, was this another dream you had? Yami, remember that talk we had about what's a dream and what's reality?
Marik: No?
Malik: *sigh*
Marik: Anyway, everyone else has pets.
Malik: Like what?
Marik: Otogi has a chihuahua.
Malik: *Had* a chihuahua. And do you remember what happened to it?
Marik: We microwaved it! *grin*
Malik: Yes. So Otogi has no pets.
Marik: Well, Bakura has Frankensnakie.
Malik: That thing isn't even an animal! It's bits of lots of other animals sewn together!
Marik: It still counts!
Malik: Fine, Frankensnakie counts. But that's only one pet out of everyone we know, so you're still losing this argument.
Marik: Kaiba has a dog.
Malik: That's not his pet, it's his boyfriend, baka.
Marik; Still counts. *Folds arms and pouts*
Malik: Fine.
Marik: Pharaoh has Yugi.
Malik: Is Yugi an animal?
Marik: Yup. Yugi is a bushbaby!!
Malik: ...? Ok, I guess I have no argument there. Who else?
Marik: You have 'Harley-chan'.
Malik: That's completely different! Harley-chan is not a pet!! It's a soul mate!!
Marik: You talk to it, though. And take it for walks.
Malik: Hmph. *sulking* Fine.
Marik: Hee. *giggle* So can I have a pet?? Pleasepleaseplease hikari!!! *whine*
Malik: *sigh* Fine, but nothing bigger than a dog and nothing that will bite, scratch, poison or lick me.
Marik: But I'm still allowed to lick you, right?
Malik: *nod*
Marik: Good! *licks*
Malik: *Wipes off yami-drool* Ok, I'm going to walk Harley-chan now, so you can go and find your pet. And if I don't like it we can always microwave it, or something.
Marik: Give it to Bakura, he'll eat anything.
Malik: True, ok then.
[Elsewhere in Domino City...]
Jou: Ok, are you ready?
Kaiba: Hmph.
Jou: Right. Now, what am I?
Kaiba: A dog?
Jou: Try again.
Kaiba: Still a dog?
Jou: Huuuuuman.
Kaiba: Dooooog.
Jou: My name is Jounouchi.
Kaiba: Mutt.
Jou: Jounouchi.
Kaiba: ...Mutt?
Jou: *sigh* Look, can dogs talk?
Kaiba: You manage it pretty well.
Jou: I. Am. Not. A. Dog!
Kaiba: Yes. You. Are?
Jou: Argh!!
Kaiba: Don't you mean 'woof'?
[Back to Marik and Malik]
Malik: Erm, yami? Why are you stroking that cushion?
Marik: Spot is my new pet.
Malik: ...?
Marik: You told me that I could get a pet, so this is my pet. Do you like my pet? It's a good pet, isn't it?
Malik: You scare me.
Marik: *Stroking cushion evilly like a Bond villain with a white cat* I scare everyone.
Malik: You do know that pets are supposed to be alive, don't you?
Marik: It *is* alive!!
Malik: No, it isn't.
Marik: *blinks at cushion* ARGH!! Hikari, Spot died!!! *Sniffle*
Malik: ...
Marik: Poor Spot!! Now I have to go and cremate him!
Malik: Uh... I'm going to go and polish my motorbike now...
[From outside: SCREEECH!!! *sound of metal being scratched*]
Yami: *From outside* Mwahahahah!!!
Malik: *pale* Ahh! What the hell did you do to my Harley, you stupid pharaoh!?
Yami: *Still outside* Hey, this key works a lot better than my puzzle!
Malik: ... *Bursts into tears* No!!!
Yami: *Evil giggle*
Marik: *sniffle*... *Holding cushion, which is on fire*
TBC