Notes: Yeah... Not much to say. He really, really would.

For the love of Ice Cream 1

"Oi, Kaiba! I have your brat, I want ten million yen, a helicopter, a motorbike, a hovercraft, blue hairspray, a pizza and-and-" Bakura paused as a small hand appeared from the side of the screen and tugged his arm. He held up a finger, signaling for the watching CEO to wait for a moment, then leant down to hear what the smaller figure wanted to say to him. A few seconds later he stood up, faced the camera with an evil smirk, and said: "And double chocolate chip ice cream."
"Mokuba, do you still have the gun I gave you?" Seto said in a completely flat voice, knowing full well who was just off-screen.
"Ehh... yes...?" Mokuba shuffled sheepishly into view on the screen of Seto's laptop, knowing he'd been caught out. And it had been SUCH a good plan, too.
"Shoot Bakura, please. And then come downstairs, dinner is almost ready." Seto said icily, then closed the laptop, severing the video feed.

Up on the roof of the Kaiba mansion, Mokuba sat down next to Bakura and pouted.
"Ok, that didn't work. Argh, he never lets us have any fun!" The eleven year old sulked.
"Heheh. I'll show him." Bakura smirked wickedly, rubbing his hands together as an evil plan popped into his mind. They tended to do that a lot. He claimed he couldn't help it, he was born evil. Seto sometimes believed him. "Hand me the gun, kid."
Mokuba gave him a look that clearly stated he didn't trust Bakura with a gun, but handed it to him anyway.
"What are you doing?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as Bakura turned away from him.
"I have the perfect way to get back at the Ice Queen downstairs for being such a bitch. Plus we can get our ice cream." The tomb robber cackled devilishly, then suddenly paused and looked over his shoulder at Mokuba, who was looking puzzled. "Oi, three things first. One, sane people never do this, so don't even think about it. Two, the story is the gun went off by accident, ok? And Three, if you don't like blood look away now." With that, Bakura aimed the gun at his own leg above the knee and pulled the trigger.

Downstairs, Seto was just about to call Mokuba's cellphone and tell him his dinner was going cold when a loud gunshot rang out from the roof. With wide eyes, Seto looked up and swore, snapping into action a moment later and bolting for the lift.

"Oww... Shit, that hurt like... like... like fucking shooting myself in the fucking leg! What the hell made me think that was a good idea? Wow, it doesn't look this painful in the movies." Bakura remarked as he sank to the ground on his good knee, dropping the gun and blinking at the blood welling up from the wound in his thigh.
"That's because in the movies they're not actually getting shot, idiot." Mokuba folded his arm and tapped his foot in irritation, waiting for Bakura to heal himself.
"I fucking know that, it just proves humans are all crap actors. It's just lucky I have an incredibly high threshold for pain. Fucking oww!" He whined, gritting his teeth.
"So heal yourself, if it hurts so much." The younger Kaiba brother pointed out.
"Not likely, that'll ruin all my fun. Anyway, I can heal later. The point is, dragon-boy doesn't know I can heal. And he doesn't need to know either, got it? Now, grab the gun and look shocked or something, I need to concentrate on looking like you just shot me." Bakura grinned.
"Like *I* shot you?" Mokuba accused as he picked the gun up, noticing the pool of blood slowly spreading around the thief knelt in front of him. He hoped Bakura really WAS immortal.
"Yes, yes, must I explain everything twice? Just pretend the gun went off by accident, ok? I'll look all wounded and pathetic, and the priest will give us ice cream because he'll be afraid I'll sue him and he'll go to jail for giving a gun to an eleven year old." The tomb robber explained at length, moving to sit down more comfortably on the roof and poking his leg a little so the bleeding didn't stop.
"THAT was your genius plan." Mokuba said flatly.
"Yeah, pretty much. Now shut up and look upset, or guilty, or whatever. He'll be here any second."
"Fine, fine, I can't believe the stupidity of this plan, but it might actually work. I don't think Seto believes you're insane enough to shoot yourself in the leg just to get ice cream." Mokuba muttered.
"Well I am, deal with it." Said Bakura, who then lay down flat on the roof and closed his eyes, making sure he was laying right in the middle of the nice big pool of blood. 

After a minute or so in the elevator, the doors finally opened and Seto rushed out onto the roof, relief washing over him as he saw Mokuba standing by the video camera stand. The relief drained away into horror, though, when he noticed the other occupant of the roof laying motionless in a pool of blood nearby. 
"What the hell happened. Mokuba?!" Seto rushed over to the boy, grabbing his shoulders and turning him to face towards his older bother.
"He-he-I-I didn't mean to, Seto! The gun went off on its own! I-I think he's dead!" Mokuba sobbed, burying his head into his brother's shoulder and sniffling. Seto took the gun from his younger brother and tucked it into the back of his belt, gently prying Mokuba off him and stepping slowly over to the thief, kneeling down beside him and surveying the albino's prone form for wounds. Thankfully, he noted, the king of thieves was still breathing.
"Mokuba, go downstairs and fetch some bandaged, water and the medical kit. Take them to the guest room next to mine, ok?" 
Mokuba nodded numbly, giving his big brother a quick hug before running off down the stairs, leaving the elevator for Seto.
Very carefully, Seto leant down and picked Bakura up bridal style, lifting the smaller thief easily and giving no thought to the blood dripping all over his clothes. Carrying the tomb robber over to the lift, the CEO stepped inside and pressed the button for the correct floor, actually looking worried.

"Is he going to be alright, big brother?" Mokuba asked, biting his lip. It was actually to stop him from laughing, but Seto didn't need to know that. Bakura was laying on the huge bed looking even paler than usual from bloodloss, and Seto was diligently cleaning and dressing the wound. Every so often Bakura would crack an eye open and grin at Mokuba when Seto wasn't looking, then go back to playing half-dead the instant the CEO looked up.
"It's just a fleshwound, he should be fine. He's lost a lot of blood, though, I'll have to keep an eye on him." Seto tied the clean white bandage off neatly, trying not to stare at Bakura's shapely thighs in front of his little brother. He was just glad he knew a little first aid and it had only been a minor wound, otherwise Bakura would have needed to be taken to the hospital, which would have provoked some rather difficult questions.
Standing up, the CEO cast another look at Bakura, laying sprawled rather sexily in the middle of the bed clad only in a long t-shirt and boxer shorts, since his jeans were covered in blood and had a bullet hole in the leg. Much like Bakura himself, who, Seto mused, had surprisingly soft skin. Shaking himself mentally before that thought could go anywhere it wasn't meant to, Seto turned to Mokuba.
"I'll bring dinner up here, he'll need something when he wakes up." 
With that said, the elder Kaiba brother left the room and Mokuba listened to his footsteps vanishing down the hall.
"He gone?" Bakura whispered, opening one crimson eye.
"For now, yeah." Mokuba nodded, moving to sit on the edge of the bed.
"Thank fuck for that, this damned hole in my leg is really starting to hurt." The tomb robber muttered, then quickly healed the wound, sighing in relief.
"What happens when it's time to change the bandages?" Mokuba asked, poking Bakura right in the middle of where the wound should have been beneath the gauze to see if it really was gone.
"Then I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I can always play the tough-guy act and tell him I'll change it myself. Aaaaanyway, he'll be back in a minute, think it's about time I 'woke up.' I'm fucking starving. I want my Ra-damned ice cream already." The thief smirked, then looked down at his leg thoughtfully. "Hey..." He said to Mokuba slowly, "Punch me in the leg, would you? Right here, around the bandages." He pointed to where the wound had been. Mokuba looked at him like he was stupid and raised an eyebrow in question.
"Bruising, right? There should be bruises here. I just healed every-fucking-thing. He's not idiot enough to fall for it without some decent bruises." Bakura explained.
"You really ARE insane." Mokuba stated, then punched Bakura in the leg. 
"Oh, come on. You can do better than that. Pharaoh's runt hits harder than you." 
"Why would Yugi hit you?" Mokuba asked, punching Bakura again as hard as he could manage. The thief hissed through his teeth.
"I MAY have been asking for it." The tomb robber admitted, gesturing for Mokuba to hit him again.
"Oh? What did you do that could possibly make Yugi of all people violent?" The younger Kaiba asked, punching Bakura in the leg again.
"Ehh... I called him a sissy?" 
"And?" Mokuba said accusingly with another blow to the leg.
"Ow. And I may have said some...things...about Pharaoh having an illicit love afair back in Egypt..." The tomb robber said slightly guiltily.
Mokuba hit him again. 
"Love affair with...?" 
"A camel..." Bakura grinned, "You can stop hitting me now, shit, I think my limp is going to be realistic enough. Are you on fucking steroids or something?"
"I eat healthy, nutritious cereals every morning, packed full of sugar and additives. No wonder Yugi hit you." Mokuba said.
"Well it didn't exactly hurt. Pharaoh, though, punches like a fucking wrestler. And before you demand the details, I was very drunk and I tried to convince that blonde idiot Pharaoh hangs around with that 'Atemu' means 'sleeps with camels' in Egyptian. I didn't KNOW he was behind me. It was bloody worth it for the look on his face, though. He twitches whenever I say the word 'camel' now. Although, you'd be surprised how hard it is to work that word into conversations." Bakura ranted.
"I think Seto is coming back. You should look more ill." Mokuba suggested, snickering when Bakura threw one arm out at his side and bent the other dramatically, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead.
"How's this? Oh, the pain!! Only ice cream or Seto in a frilly apron could possibly make me forget such agony!" The thief whimpered.
"There's an image I needed." Mokuba rolled his eyes. "This had SO better get me ice cream."


TBC...possibly....