House of Cards 4
Swordstalker giggled madly, wearing a gleefully insane grin as he put the final pieces in place to implement his ultimate plan of evil wickedness, which was what he'd decided to call what he was about to do to Dark Magician Girl. Obviously, from the amount of planning that had gone into what he was about to do; it wasn't going to be pretty.
Creeping up to the open door to the room where Dark Magician Girl was battling away with Celtic Guardian, Swordstalker snickered and watched for a moment, biding his time.
* * *
"He's mine, damn you!" Celtic Guardian snarled, swinging his sword at Dark Magician Girl's head as she stuck her tongue out at him and ducked.
"Why would he choose YOU, when he could have ME?? Don't make me laugh!" She replied, weaving a spell in her perfectly manicured hands.
"Because I'm not a brainless bimbo with a head full of helium wearing barely enough clothing to cover a lap-dancing mouse!" Celtic Guardian growled, thrusting his sword forward and missing her by millimetres.
"At least I have some concept of fashion, you barbarian!" She squealed, jumping up on the dining room table and glaring down at him.
"Fashion?? Have you even looked in a mirror? You can't have fashion sense if you never wear any bloody clothes, you slut! And your hat is stupid!" He yelled back up at her, clenching his fist around his sword. He was going to cut her into SO many pieces.
"Slut?? How DARE you!? YOU'RE the one who keeps stealing my Dark Magician away from me, to do goodness knows what in that filthy basement!" She put her hands on her hips, the spell she'd created floating in front of her and sizzling in the air.
"I don't keep stealing him, he keeps running away from you, you demented stalker! And I'm not a slut! I'm just really perverted, it's COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!!!" Celtic Guardian insisted, leaping forward to attack at the exact moment Dark Magician Girl let her spell loose. The glowing ball of magic shot straight at Celtic Guardian, who grinned wickedly and dodged it. Unfortunately for him, it bounced off the wall behind him and hit him in the back. With a bright flash, the house shook for a moment and Celtic Guardian gave a yelp of pain from somewhere in the middle of the big cloud of pink smoke that suddenly filled the room.
"What have you done to me, you crazy bitc-" Celtic Guardian began, then paused as the smoke cleared and he found himself standing opposite a mirror, looking at his own reflection. "ARGH!!"
* * *
Dark Magician rushed in at the sound of his lover's scream, only to stop dead in his tracks the moment he caught sight of the elf. Mystical Sand, Gaia, Succubus Knight and Dark Elf followed, all standing there for a moment, blinking. Then, as one, the last four to enter the room began to cackle madly at the sight before them. Dark Magician just looked thoughtful, and Celtic Guardian was scowling.
The spell, whatever it was, had given him ears. Not just any ears, but fluffy brown fox ears poking out of the top of his hair. As if that wasn't bad enough, he was also sprouting a fluffy fox tail with a white tip. He couldn't quite think of anything to say about it, other than the obvious and already stated 'argh.'
Without saying anything, and completely ignoring Dark Magician Girl, who was laughing at Celtic Guardian, Dark Magician walked up to his lover slowly and reached up to touch the fuzzy ears. Celtic Guardian instantly forgot about being annoyed, and started purring happily.
"They can stay." Dark Magician announced, shrugging. He could, of course, have changed his lover back. But there was something about Celtic Guardian with fox ears that was very... appealing. In a perverted way.
"Mmmhh." Celtic Guardian answered, his fluffy tail swishing back and forth in pleasure. "Basement. Now."
Dark Magician smirked and led the way, conveniently not hearing the squeal of annoyance from Dark Magician Girl. The others just shrugged, assuming that the drama was over, and were about to go back to the living room when Swordstalker decided to strike.
* * *
Giving a manic giggle, Swordstalker leapt out on the doorway where he'd been hiding, bounding up to Dark Magician Girl, who was climbing down from the table.
"Present." He hissed at her, waiting for her to turn to face him before he opened his clenched fist and gave something to her. She took it, still sniffling over her defeat by Celtic Guardian's powers of sexiness, and looked down. Only to freeze. There, on her hand, was an eyeball. She screamed one of her eardrum-bursting screams, and threw the eyeball away from her as fast as she possibly could, jumping up and down a few times and squealing in disgust, then running out of the nearest exit, into the room Swordstalker had been 'preparing' for her.
The eyeball, which was not in fact an eyeball but a boiled egg with an olive stuffed into it, flew out of the open window and hit a Kuriboh, which exploded, setting off a chain reaction and causing an entire herd of the things to spontaneously combust. Curse of Dragon, who had been sitting on the chimney watching Ansatsu and Harpie's Brother have sex on the roof, snickered. Unfortunately, all the noise of the exploding fuzzy little monsters woke up a certain Blue-Eyed White Dragon, who was not happy at the interruption of his beauty sleep.
* * *
Dark Magician Girl ran into the next room, squealing all the way like the madly annoying creature she was. Finally getting there, though, she stopped and looked at what lay in front of her, on a table. There, sitting happily eating a bowl of cereal, was a Kuriboh. Not just any Kuriboh, though. Swordstalker had apparently been in one of his more creative moods, and had shaved the little creature so that it was now completely bald. He had also drawn three black dots on it with a marker. Yes, it was now a living, cereal-eating bowling ball. Dark Magician Girl took one look at it and screamed, causing the shaved critter to look up, surprised, then randomly explode out of shock.
The bits of Kuriboh now sliding down her skin suddenly made Dark Magician Girl wish she wore more clothes. Shuddering violently with disgust, she turned around, only to find that Swordstalker had prepared another little surprise behind her. There, on the floor, was an Armadillo. Her worst fear, which she'd never told anyone, but somehow Swordstalker had found out through his powers of evil.
Screaming a much louder, glass-shattering scream, Dark Magician Girl kicked the poor creature into a wall and ran out of the room, right past Swordstalker and the others, and out the front door.
"Well that was random." Dark Elf commented.
* * *
Blue-Eyes White Dragon raised his huge head, opening annoyed sapphire eyes and glaring at the source of the noise, which a few moments ago had been a herd of Kuribohs. It was now a large patch of slime on the ground outside the front door to the house. As the Blue-Eyes rumbled with anger and tried to decide what to kill for waking him up, the front door flew open dramatically and a blonde girl wearing very little to cover her ran out, waving her hands about and screaming annoyingly. After coming into contact with the slime-covered pavement, though, the crazed screaming girl slipped and fell in a screeching heap onto the concrete, sitting there crying her eyes out and covered in greenish slime.
That noise she was making, Blue-Eyes decided, was extremely annoying. Nudging Red-Eyes with his foot, Blue-Eyes cocked his head towards the sniffling, screeching girl and gave the black dragon a questioning look that seemed to say 'are you hungry?'
* * *
Dark Magician Girl scraped a little of the slime off her legs, not really wanting to touch it even though she was practically drenched with the stuff and it was dripping from her in great slimy splatters. She sniffled pathetically, feeling very sorry for herself, and looked up. And for the second time in five minutes, she froze, her eyes as big as they could go. There, looking down at her hungrily from about a foot away, were two huge, grinning dragons. One was black, with bright red eyes that seemed to say 'I will eat you in a moment, after you have had time to be sufficiently terrified.' The other dragon, which was bigger and had shining white scales, had deep blue eyes that seemed to be saying 'And I will watch, and be amused by your pain as you are devoured.'
She screamed.
Blue-Eyes reared back, his sensitive ears ringing from the noise. Red-Eyes, however, just decided that this girl needed to die very quickly before his ears bled. With a rumble, he ducked his head down and closed his jaws over the constantly-screaming girl, then swallowed her whole. Blue-Eyes blinked at him, and Red-Eyes gave the closest he could get to a self-satisfied smirk and licked his lips. Or beak. Or whatever he had.
* * *
"Red-Eyes just ate your girlfriend." Mystical Sand called down through the hole in the living room floor, through which a low purring sound could be heard.
"I'll send flowers." Dark Magician called back up, then went back to what he'd been doing, namely playing with Celtic Guardian's fuzzy ears. And tail.
"She'll be back, you know. She's un-killable." Dark Elf muttered, watching out of the window as Red-Eyes suddenly seemed to develop a case of the hiccups, which meant that fireballs came shooting out of his mouth every few moments, randomly destroying things in the garden.
"She's just been eaten, I don't think she'll be getting over that any time soon." Mystical Sand frowned, feeling slightly sorry for the stalker despite herself.
"You'd be surprised. I guarantee, give her a week and she'll be storming through that door again, demanding to know where her beloved Dark Magician is." Dark Elf snorted. "We once strapped her to a Jigen Bakudan and blew her to bits, and she still came back. She's like the Terminator."
"Uh... Ok then." Mystical Sand blinked, imagining Dark Magician Girl turning into silver globs of metal and re-forming. It was a scary, scary image. "Um, where did Swordstalker go?" She asked, so as not to have to think about it.
"I think he went upstairs to let Dark Necrofear out of her straightjacket." Dark Elf shrugged.
"Um, exactly how many people do we have in the attic wearing straightjackets?" Mystical Sand asked, never having been up there herself.
"You'd be surprised. You'd also be surprised how many of them keep escaping." She smirked, watching as outside two Kuribohs ran into each other and blew up.
* * *
Suddenly, once again, the front door flew open dramatically and a figure strode in, smirking to himself.
"Oh, look, it's Magician of Black Chaos." Dark Elf said flatly in a bored tone, stomping over to the sofa to sit down.
"You know what that means," Mystical Sand sighed, as she joined her girlfriend on the couch.
"Threesome!" Two voices yelled happily from the hole in the floor.
TBC