Chance
By Koneko Shido
Do you know what really hurts the most, out of anything I can think of? And think carefully, folks, 'cause this is coming from a guy who's had to cut off his own arm, been run through by a demon, and probably tons of other nasty things I'd rather forget. Well, physical pain's all well and good, but there are other kinds, which can be far worse. My pain is a pretty stupid one, I'll admit. Out of all the messed-up things that happen here at the castle, and just in general in my life, you'd think I could come up with something more inventive than this. Wanna know what hurts? I love Rath. And Rath loves Cesia. Pathetic, ain't it?
At first I thought he loved Kai-stern, the way they were always hugging and everything. It was cute, and it didn't bother me so much because I didn't really understand how I felt back then. And then I thought, for a little while, that maybe Rath had a thing for Rune. I thought it was sweet, the way he seemed so happy around Rune, even if most of it was probably just a show for us. At that point I think I was beginning to understand, but I just wanted him to be happy.
And now there's Cesia. And I can't help thinking 'why not me?' Selfish, isn't it? But then, I am a thief. The best in the world, might I add. I suppose I wanted to be the one to steal Rath's heart. I want to be the one to make him smile, for real, and laugh like he doesn't have to hide anything, or hate anyone. I'm really trying to be a good person, to just wish him happiness and hope that Cesia will give him everything I wish I could give him. It's so hard, though.
I don't hate Cesia, I can't, she's a pretty likeable person. And she reminds me of Rath. She's really nice, and she makes him smile. They get on well, so lately I've been trying to keep out of their way. Seeing them walking around the castle, or sitting out in the gardens hurts like hell, I really don't think I can take it much longer. I'm going to leave. I know I made a promise to the dragon lord and everything, but I never promised I'd stick around and have my heart repeatedly shattered into tiny bits! It sucks. I can still be a dragon knight; I don't have to live at the castle for that, right? They can mail me my orders. I can wander around a bit; I always liked doing that back when we were supposed to be returning Nadil's gory severed head to the dragon lord. I always wanted to go off and hunt for treasure, and Rath always wanted to kill stuff. Rune just wanted to go home, but he always gave in and let us go off on our little escapades in the end. Huh, it's all right for SOME people!
He has Tintlet, or Nohiro, or whoever. I know he has someone, because he's always really happy now. I never could figure out if he was straight or not, though. I know he's really girly and everything, but he DOES know how to take care of himself. Believe me, I know. I'm just glad I never pissed him off enough for him to get serious!
Anyway, I can't stay here now. I sort of remind myself of a stray cat that walked in, and now I'm walking out again. I don't know which way I'll go... Maybe I'll just flip a coin. Heads I go north, tails I go south.
Well, I have things to do; I'll probably slip out tonight, so I want to see everyone one last time before I go. I really like this place, but it's killing me staying here. I don't want to be here if they ever get married, or anything. If that happened I don't think I could carry on, if you know what I mean. I'd rather just leave and never know if it happens or not.
I've really got it bad, haven't I?
* * * * * * *
"Thatz? Are you all right? You look tired." Rune said in a concerned voice as the thief walked into the dining room and sat down at the huge table.
"Fine, just not been sleeping too well lately. Nothing to worry about!" Thatz gave a cheerful grin and dug into the meal Rune placed before him, being polite as always.
"Ok then. Tea?" The elf asked, pouring out a cup for Thatz when he made and affirmative sound through a mouthful of food. Rune gave him a disapproving look but said nothing, setting the tea down neatly and pulling up a chair next to the thief.
"Hey, you seem happy lately. Got someone special? Hmm?" Thatz teased, elbowing Rune lightly in the ribs, making the elf smile a little.
"Perhaps." Rune said, blushing.
"Good. It's about time." Thatz said in a strangely sincere voice.
"And what about you? Have you found anyone yet?" Rune asked, surprised when Thatz shook his head and smiled sadly.
"Nah. Hey, I hope it goes well for you. Invite me to the wedding, huh? I'm sure the dress will look great on you!" Thatz grinned, not being able to resist teasing Rune one last time. Rune growled and looked as though he were about to throw something, so Thatz leapt up and quickly sprinted from the room, cackling wickedly all the way out. Once he got outside the castle, though, he leant against the wall and sighed softly. He was going to miss Rune.
Well, now there were just two more people to say goodbye to. And they would probably be together, in the gardens somewhere. This was going to be the hardest thing he'd done in a long time, but it was best to just get it over with, so he headed out into the trees.
* * * * * * *
Rath sat with Cesia underneath a cherry tree, eating sandwiches.
"Hey, did you kill Bierrez?" She asked suddenly, poking him. He blinked.
"Why, you love him or something?" Rath asked, munching on a corner of his sandwich happily.
"Shut up!" Cesia blushed, poking him harder. He ignored her and began to pick the sandwich apart, seeing what interesting things he could find inside it. Slices of cucumber. And cheese. Well, that was interesting.
"Did you kill him?" Cesia asked again.
"Not telling." Rath muttered absently. "Want me to let him whisk you away next time? If he's still alive, that is."
"Argh!" Cesia cried, infuriated. Suddenly she stopped and gave an evil smirk, deciding to get her own back. "And what about you, huh? I bet I know who you'd love to come and whisk you away." She giggled. Rath blushed, almost choking on his sandwich.
"That's none of your business!" He squeaked, still choking.
"Oh, sure. You're in loooove! Hahahahaa!!" She cackled in a singsong voice, sticking her tongue out at him.
"Shut up!" Rath glared, pouting a little.
"Oh look, speak of the devil! Hi, Thatz!" Cesia waved, and Rath went back to choking as the green-haired thief caught sight of them and strode over.
"Hi guys. Not interrupting anything, am I?" Thatz asked, grinning. It didn't reach his eyes, but nobody noticed.
"No, sit down, have a sandwich!" Cesia chirped, clearing some plates aside to make a space for him on the blanket. Thatz took one and sat down, stuffing the whole thing in his mouth and trying very hard to just act normal, get it over with, and then run away.
"Thanks." He mumbled through a mouthful of food. "I won't bug you too long, I just came to... uh... see how you were doing."
"Fine. Where's Rune?" Cesia asked, smirking at Rath, who was still choking, turning slightly blue, his eyes watering.
"Uh, he's inside. He's mad at me again, 'cause I told him he'd look good in a wedding dress. Uh, Rath? You ok dude?" Thatz asked, a little worried about the fire knight, who was *still* choking.
Rath nodded, thought about the question for a moment, then shook his head frantically, managing to glare at Cesia through his choking fit. She was laughing at him.
"No... not... ok..." Rath coughed, wincing. Thatz crawled over and patted Rath on the back, wishing he didn't have to be so close to the fire knight when he'd only come to say goodbye.
Eventually Thatz managed to get Rath to stop choking, and the little fire knight panted, turning a little to smile up at the thief.
"Thanks." Rath said breathlessly, and Thatz looked down.
"No problem." He murmured, then raised his head to look into Rath's eyes and smile softly. "Hey, take care of yourself, huh?" Thatz said quietly, then stood up, turning away so that neither Rath nor Cesia could see the tears in his eyes. "I gotta go, guess I should say sorry to Rune. See you." The thief said in as near a cheerful voice as he could get.
"Hey Thatz, wait a sec, Rath has something to tell you!" Cesia said, smiling evilly at Rath, who shook his head frantically at her. Thatz still had his back turned and he tensed, swallowing the lump in his throat. He could just imagine what the big news was, too. Marriage, perhaps? Hey Thatz, Cesia is making me marry her; do you want to come to the wedding? Yeah, that'd be it for him, too. He couldn't take it anymore.
"I-I've gotta go..." Thatz choked out, then took off running through the trees, across the lawn and back to the castle.
Rath and Cesia stared after him.
"What was that all about?" Cesia asked, confused. Rath shrugged.
"Dunno, think I should go after him?" Rath wondered, scratching his nose.
"Well duh, of course you should go after him!" Cesia poked him with a stick of celery. "What would you do without me here, huh? You'd just sit on your butt all day!"
"No I wouldn't! Anyway, shut up!" Rath glared.
"Hello, you're supposed to be going after Thatz! Or did you forget already? You're hopeless!" Cesia giggled. Rath just blushed and stood up, growling.
"Oh, be quiet." He sulked, "I'm going, aren't I?"
"Get a move on, then! Or are you shy? Aww, poor baby!" Cesia cackled.
"AAAHHHH!!! SHUT UP!!" Rath yelled irately, stomping off after Thatz.
"Good luck!" Cesia called after him, before reaching over to steal Rath's share of the sandwiches.
* * * * * * *
I wonder where Thatz went? He was acting really strange, maybe he's sick? I guess I'll try his room first, see if he's there. I haven't seen much of him lately, he's always sleeping or off somewhere. I kinda have a crush on him, Cesia's right. I hate it when she's right, which is a lot of the time. Actually, I think it's a bit more than a crush...
I was going to tell him about it a while ago, but he's never around now, I can never find him when I want to talk to him. Well, I know he's here today and not off drinking or gambling or getting into fights like he usually is. So, I guess I'll tell him how I feel. Or maybe I'll just show him.
* * * * * * *
Thatz paused outside the open doors and wiped his eyes before going into the castle, not wanting to have to answer any questions about why he had tears streaming down his face. He felt pretty pathetic, if anyone from his old gang could have seen him now they'd have laughed themselves to death. Maybe he was spending too much time around Rune; all the girliness must be rubbing off on him.
He strode through the halls towards his room at the back of the castle, slipping inside and clicking the door closed behind him. Then he sat down on the big, comfy bed and glared at the pillow for a while, wondering what to do now.
Just as he was thinking about getting up, packing a few things into a bag and running for it, there was a knock on the door.
"Yeah?" Thatz called, his breath hitching in his throat when the door opened and Rath walked in, closing it behind him.
"Are you ok?" Rath asked straight away, stalking over and sitting himself down on the bed right next to the thief, looking up at him.
"Uh, yeah, sure! I'm fine, just a bit tired, I guess." Thatz said, looking anywhere but Rath's big, red eyes.
"Thatz?" Rath murmured quietly, looking down. "Do you hate me or something?"
Thatz looked up sharply at that, frowning.
"What? No! What makes you think I'd ever hate you?" The thief asked, giving a startled yelp when Rath suddenly grinned happily and hugged him, the little fire knight's arms wrapping around his neck tightly.
"Good. I thought you were avoiding me. Can I pleeeeease tell you my big secret now? I tried to tell you before but you just ran off." Rath asked, snuggling against Thatz' shoulder.
Thatz smiled, thinking that he could take anything Rath decided to tell him now that he'd finally gotten a hug. It was pathetic, but at this point he really didn't care. He had Rath in his arms, even if it was only for a minute, and nothing else mattered.
"Go for it." Thatz said, feeling oddly as though he were playing a high-stakes game of cards. It was that one, final moment when he showed his opponent the cards in his hand and waited to see if the opponent could beat them, and take everything from him. That feeling of knowing that he would probably lose everything, but having to take the chance anyway, just to know for sure.
"Guess." Rath grinned wickedly.
"Ok, you're going to marry Cesia and have loads of kids, and teach them all how to kill demons before they're ten?" Thatz said, his voice catching a little. He could imagine having loads of little versions of Rath and Cesia running around the place destroying everything, pulling Rune's hair and driving everyone crazy.
"What?" Rath blinked, then burst out laughing.
Thatz looked down at him in surprise. That wasn't *quite* the reaction he'd been expecting...
"No, stupid! What I wanted to tell you is this!" Rath laughed. Then, before Thatz could blink, Rath had slid onto his lap and surged up to kiss him, arms still around his neck.
Well, this was nice. Very nice. Unexpected, but none the less enjoyable. In fact it was rather like the moment in a game of cards where you find out you've won after all, and you rake in that huge, shiny pile of gold coins, and wonder what to spend it on.
When Rath finally broke off to breathe, Thatz blinked down at him and grinned.
"Oh, ok then." The thief said. "Just checking."
That said, he buried his hand in Rath's shiny, black hair and leant down a little for another kiss.
The end.