Scar Tissue: Jim Morrison
//Scar tissue that I wish you saw Sarcastic mister know it all Close your eyes and I'll kiss you..cause//
I stand in front of the bathroom mirror and look at my reflection.
I don't look like hell, but what I see is not something that I am pleased with very much, to tell you the truth.
isn't my face. Or my body. it's all the scars that travel over the surface of my skin that bother me. Scars that I didn't plan on having. Scars that just seemed to bloom over my body.
Some were accidental. Like the burn scars. Some, I scored on my flesh with a knife, my nails, broken glass, razorblades, anything sharp enough to make a cut and to hurt.
Yeah, I enjoy seeing myself bleed. The blood is proof that I haven't faded away into the shadows that I live in.
Aya hasn't seen them. We haven't really fucked yet, so he doesn't know.
I don't think I ever want him to know. My scars are for me and me alone.
//With the birds I'll share With the birds I'll share This lonely view With the birds I'll share This lonely view//
Well. And maybe the mirror. And Omi, since I don't see the pity or disgust that I have seen on other's faces when they have glimpsed my scars.
I trace the delicate lines and the thicker, darker tissue that covers my skin and shudder slightly at my own touch. It still feels alien, despite the length of time that they have been there.
At that moment, the thought suddenly strikes me. How would Aya touch me? Or see me after I revealed my marked body to him? Would he still have the lust shimmering in his violet eyes?
Or would it suddenly sputter and fade as it did in Yuriko's eyes?
//Push me up against the wall Young Kentucky girl in a push-up bra Fallin' all over myself To lick your heart and taste your health ?cause With the birds I'll share This lonely view...//
Yeah. Yohji feels bad because he thinks he spoiled something good for me. Maybe he did. I don't know. I could have been running around after wallabies and Koalas, after drinking Foster's beer with a sweet chick.
Nah. The sweet chick would have eventually pitied me and left. I know that she would have. Scars are bad enough to deal with when they are inside. They are worse to contend with when they are outside as well.
There's also the fact that no one really can deal with accidentally stumbling on you when you are in the middle of a cutting session.
All I have to say is that thank god Omi and Yohji have strong stomachs. Others wouldn't have handled the blood all over the bathroom floor too well. I shudder to think how Aya would have acted.
At least Omi, Aya and Yohji understand what it is to be so marked. So barren and so raw. Yuriko would have probably left me high and dry. I know.
//Blood loss in a bathroom stall Southern girl with a scarlet drawl Wave good-bye to ma and pa 'cause With the birds I'll share With the birds I'll share This lonely view With the birds I'll share This lonely view//
Aya saw my scars today. He caught me unawares. He was silent for a long time as he held me trapped between his arms as his cool gaze travelled all over the ruined planes of my body.
I couldn't meet his eyes. I was afraid of what I'd find in them.
I don't know if I could handle seeing the contempt that I was sure I'd find on his face.
Even though I wanted to run away. I stayed put. My soul was bare to him and I was waiting for the death knoll that would signal the end of us.
//Soft spoken with a broken jaw Step outside but not to brawl Autumn's sweet we call it fall I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl and With the birds I'll share This lonely view...//
I was surprised when he kissed me. Hard enough to make my mouth bleed. I didn't move nor did I feel the pain of blood dripping down my chin.
We fell to the floor of the bedroom, his hands tracing every single scar, his touch making my body feel like it had been stripped of its skin as his fingers made contact with the tissue.
//Scar tissue that I wish you saw Sarcastic mister know it all Close your eyes and I'll kiss you ?cause With the birds I'll share With the birds I'll share This lonely view With the birds I'll share This lonely view... //
I know that he doesn't truly understand. But at least he doesn't close his eyes and turn away when he sees me naked. Nor has he ever pitied me or looked away in disgust.
His quiet acceptance had made it somewhat bearable to have so much scar tissue marking my barren body and broken soul.