Schadenfreude on the Wire:
[AP, Columbia University, N.Y.] April, 2002. After winning a Pulitzer
prize this month, Justin Davidson of Newsday, Long Island, N.Y. wrote a letter
to the 120 members of the board.
I have been writing you good (for f_ck’n nothing)
madams and Sirs for some time in the flossed hope that you would be including
‘Tabloid Journalism’ as an official recognition of your committee. Did your
own founder not co-invent yellow journalism (with the aid of Randy
Hearst)? It has been persistently waiting your acknowledgment since
1898
! I tell you that the American Kennel Club moves swifter to adopt a new breed…
Davidson is the recipient of the 2002 Pulitzer Prize,
For distinguished criticism,
Seven thousand five hundred dollars ($7,500).
Report to the AP Bureau here.
[AP, JungGustav, Sweden] April 2002. Swedish scientist have developed
an 'auto-privy.’ Though portable latrine technology (PLT) has been used
for many years in RV, boats, and various industrial uses, “Porta-Johns”
and auto specific devices have never attained consumer confidence.
“I used to have to buy Gatorade … just because it had the wide mouth that
would fit.” says consumer Viktor Swendle. While Swedish auto makers have
some reservations in regards to the patented ‘Burn Drip’ process, the Frenkal
Fecal Institute declares that there will be no damage to existing catalytic
converters and other exhaust elements.
[AP, Seattle, Washington] Boeing Executives finding large quantities
of urine in their coffee (march 2002) have filed suit against Chuck Palahniuk.
The suit alleges coercion and incitement by Palahniuk and his publishers
for the "Project Mayhem" clubs found rampant on the internet. A 1992 case
involving a publisher held responsible for How-to Plan Murder has
been cited as precedence.
Report to the AP Bureau here.
[AP, Alto DoCruzeiro, Brazil.] "Feed the Children", an international
humanitarian campaign, has been barred by the Ministry of Health, Brazil,
this week. Local lore cited in Nancy Scheper-Hughes' "Death Without Weeping
(UC Press, 1982) were confirmed. "For some time people have feared
that children were being killed for their body organs that were sent to
the United States. We found that Feed The Children was actually fattening
our youth for this devious purpose." (Juan Jimenez, Director
M.O.H.)
[AP, Bomb Jesus, Brazil] Celebrating their fortieth year of founding,
the city of "Bomb Jesus" [sic] Brazil denies links to the Jim Jones Brigade
that made the neighboring Guyana infamous in 1978.
"In 1962, Jones went on vacation and checked out British
Guyana on the northeast coast of South America as a site for a possible
pilgrimage. Jim and his wife then spent 2 years in Brazil helping to serve
the local orphanages and also spending time looking for possible land to
acquire for a colony."
James Warren Jones established a press in Brazil in 1962, a year after
he was ordained. Jones left his wife, Marceline (Baldwin) Jones to care
for the media sometime in 1976 when the San Francisco Branch was preparing
for it's final pilgrimage.
Report to the AP Bureau here.