I won’t let go ‘til it bleeds

~Cory Taylor, Bother

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-- Yami’s POV --

Whatever possessed me to agree to this trip? Seven days alone with the one thing that breaks my heart every time I feel the slightest brush of his young mind. You look up from where you are snuggled against my side and smile a little uncertainly. Oh, yeah. That’s what possessed me. You’re beautiful lilac eyes and angel-esque smile.

I don’t know whether to thank or kill Bakura and Ryou for suggesting this in the first place. I would have refused outright if you hadn’t looked at me. Even then, I wavered. To be around you is torture, hikari, the most painful kind I can think of. I have let you down, betrayed your trust. Yet you still look to me for strength, for comfort. Your innocence is almost too much for this dark heart to bear.

The hot spring is nice enough, though I really can’t be a judge. This is my first time visiting one. The landscape is striking in that alien sort of way. All these trees and rocks actually make me yearn for the warm golden sands of my home. It’s dark now, the stars bright against the black velvet of the sky. The moon should be full here in the next few days. The night is so amazingly clear that I can see not one or two halos of light from the moon, but three.

In this dusk, it’s easy to forget the pain of the past. Sometimes I even manage to convince myself it never happened, that we’re just here, in this moment, and that nothing else matters. Then I see one of the still fading bruises on your face, I see you flinch at any unseen sound, I see you cry in your sleep. It breaks me even more. And I have nowhere to run anymore. I can’t escape you. I fear being with you as well as being away. How much longer until my mask finally slips away and you see your protector for the white lie I really am? Will your innocence remain in that damning darkness?

We’re lying on the bed this night, curled against each other and I’m trying to will you to close your eyes. You don’t sleep well as it is. I have not slept since that first night. When you slumber, I can let my mask fall and grieve for a moment. I may not be able to cry as I wish to, but it still affords me the relief I need to continue on when you are awake. But it seems to elude you tonight. Your eyes are awash with pain, though it’s not the pain of you injuries. You struggle with something else… Something deeper…

“What do you want, little one?” I ask softly, still hoping to comfort you in some way. Your uncertainty grows; your struggle becomes more prominent. Have I said something wrong? I let my question hang in the air, waiting for your response, scared of what it may or may not be. You take your time thinking about your answer. Finally, you whisper,

“Touch me.”

It was so soft I thought it might have been my imagination. You look so scared, like I might reject you for your simple request. I pull you close, my hands running up and down your back. You twitch every time when my fingers brush a sensitive spot between your shoulder blades. I trace patterns along your neck, smoothing and toying with your hair. The more you relax, the more I touch. Your back, your arms, your neck, your face… The bruise on your temple infuriates and saddens me to no end.

Hesitantly, you reach out and touch me as well. Your hand shakes slightly as you move closer and repeat all the motions I have gone through. I twitch when you reach my lower back and shiver slightly as you brush my neck. The intent and lost look you give me is confusing. What are you still fighting with?

I slip my hands under your coat and gently pull it off, letting it drop to the floor. Your response is to pull us even tighter together. You quake gently as I continue to caress your body, breathing slightly harder and getting more intent and lost with your battle. I briefly consider stopping what I’m doing when you hand comes to rest on my cheek. I do stop and look at you in confusion. I’m about ready to ask you what’s wrong. Then you lean forward, brushing your lips across mine.

To say you surprised me would be like saying Egypt was a sandbox. Understatement of the millennia. You pull back slightly, shaking even more, looking ready to cry. Stammered apologizes tumble from your trembling lips. Calming my suddenly thudding heart, I close the distance between our faces and return the tentative kiss. You seem nearly as shocked as I am at my action, but then throw yourself into it. My first kiss in nearly five thousand years tastes of tears, need, and hurt. Tears start streaming down your face, making the experience even more bittersweet.

My arms wrap tightly around your waist and I roll you on top of me, my hands once again roaming along your body. They slip under the fabric of your shirt, drawing another shudder from you. Your hands entangle themselves in my hair, your legs gripping tightly to my hips. When you lift your head to breath, I automatically begin trailing my kisses across you face and neck. My fingers stop their exploration long enough to remove the neck buckle and toss it with your coat. I cup the back of your head and kiss you again, holding you firmly against me. My tongue slips across your lips, quietly asking for admittance. You oblige my little request and begin dueling my tongue with the same ferocity as you do any Duel Monsters game.

Somewhere along the line, we began loosing our clothes. Your body trembles with such force I’m afraid you’re going to shake yourself apart. So my body does its best to keep you together, caressing you, kissing you, touching you, loving you as only someone who is your other half can. In the times that your mouth isn’t connected to mine, you release a soft litany of moans and mews. The sounds you craft are quickly making me loose control. Together, we ache with our need for each other, pushing and pulling one another for more.

Uncertainty strikes me for a heartbeat as my fingers start prepping you, but your voice and body urge me on so quickly that I don’t even register the thought. Our eyes lock as I slip inside of you, breaking the final boundary that separated us. You neither flinch nor grimace in pain. Good, that means I did my job well. You look so beautiful, hikari; your skin flush with your exhilaration, violet eyes filled with such love and adoration, the moonlight highlighting every single curve and swoop of your delicate frame. You look like the pure essence of light, and me beneath you, your shadow. Truly, we are opposites of the same whole.

Then our motions take a different turn. You head is tossed back in pleasure as we slowly begin riding out this new ecstasy, more sounds dripping from your lips, fueling the fire inside both of us. My hands are never idle; they grace your hips and stomach, palm your chest and excite the flesh between your legs even more. Your cries grow louder and my thrusts grow stronger, more urgent. Soon we are both hurling ourselves into our abandonment, cling to each other for very life as the world around us shatters into a million and one sparkling splinters.

The warmth that overtakes us is something I never thought possible. To be this connected to someone, this whole…it was amazing. You fall back down against me, exhausted, but happy. I can feel the change in you. It’s as if a burden has been lifted from you soul. Your fear is no more, your pain is gone. Have I done this? You snuggle tightly against my side once again, a content smile on your features. I find myself smiling back. I touch your face again and you look up at me, trust, love and innocence shining brightly in the darkness. You kiss the tip of my nose and laugh noiselessly as I wrinkle up my face. Another kiss is shared between us, as slow and as soft as our first, minus the tears this time. Then you curl back up, your head cushioned on my shoulder, face buried into my chest.

“Ai shiteru, Yami…” are the last words you say before you drift away into the world of dreams.

Reality suddenly comes crashing back to me. Horror grows within me as I review the events of the night over and over in my mind. The pain stabs through to my very being as I realize exactly what has transpired. My aibou has just placed his entire happiness in my hands. Without a word, he has made me the center of his life, his universe. I am now the one I must protect him against. It makes me demons cackle insanely. Another wave of depression washes over me, causing my own tears to spring forth to my eyes. But they do not fall, they never will. In my mission to comfort my light, I have fallen even further.

I won’t let go ‘til it bleeds

Oh Ra, what have I done?