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Eliwood:
=shocking random people with a spark plug= It lives! It LIVES! =cackles=
Erk:
……well…..they used to live, anyway…
Arianna:
This is it! The FINAL CHAPTER! Lucky 13!
Eliwood:
YAY! =zaps Latisha with spark plug=
Latisha:
*BLEEP*! WHAT THE *BLEEP*!?!? =beats
Eliwood with giant pixie stik=
Arianna:
WAGGLERDOODLES! =puts up an ‘Out Of My Mind, Back In Five Minutes’ sign and
wanders off.
-------------
DISCLAIMER: When Raven hugs Hector and
Eleanor joins MADD (Mothers Against Demented Druids) is when I’ll own FE.
-----------------
:::: FINALS ARENA ::::
Everything:
Mass chaos.
Audience:
WHAT’S GOING ON!?!? WE’VE BEEN SITTING HERE FOREVER!!!
Lucius:
=looking nervous= Has anyone found Nino yet!?
Everyone:
=playing cards= Nope….
Lucius:
CALL THE POLICE!!!! OUR FINALIST HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A MAD ASSASSIN!!!!
Legault:
Go fish.
Hector:
DAMMIT! =snatches up a card=
Lucius:
!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING!?!?
Raven: Oh,
hey, Lucius…wanna play cards with us?
Lucius: WE
HAVE A HOSTAGE SITUATION AND YOU PEOPLE WANT TO PLAY CARDS!?!?
Raven:
We’re playing Blackjack next….
Lucius:
Oh, alright then. =joins the group=
Serra:
=SIGH= Well I guess I’ll have to find
Nino. =runs off=
Audience:
WE WANT RESULTS!! WE WANT A WINNER!!! WE WANT SINGING!!! WE WANT AN EXTRA LARGE
PIZZA WITH THE WORKS!!!
Priscilla:
Oh no….what are we going to do?
Guy: Yeah,
the pizza shop is already closed!
Priscilla:
…..
Guy: ?
Priscilla:
=whacks him with staff=
Farina: I
have an idea!
Erk:
Because your last one just worked so
well…
Farina:
=runs onstage= Hello, folks! It’s time for OPEN
MIC!
Audience:
=cheers=
Erk: Me
first!!
Everyone:
=stares in shock=
Erk:
=walks onstage= I dedicate this song to Lucius.
Lucius: Hm?
-= Music Starts =-
Erk:
C’mon, c’mon…DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY! (By Aerosmith)
Lucius:
WHAT!?!?
Erk: Met
Lucius on the ‘Kill Nergal Tour’. Fixed
his hair with a flip and a twirl. He’s a beautiful girl at first sight.
But once you see him in the men’s room you know you weren’t right. DUDE LOOKS
LIKE A LADY!
Lucius:
That’s it…..MAD MONKY MODE!
-=nothing
happens=-
Lucius:
=looks at special effects guy=
Special
Effect Guy: =reading magazine=
Lucius:
=walks up to him= Excuse me….could you start the ‘Mad Monky
Mode’ effects?
SEG: Hm? Oh, yeah, sorry about that. =flips a switch=
-=lightning
crackles in the sky and Lucius’ eyes turn red=-
Lucius:
Thank you. =walks over to Erk and takes the mic, then
kicks Erk offstage= I will now sing a song about something very dear to me. I
will be singing ‘Hair’ from the musical….. ‘Hair’!
Lucius
Fans: YAAAAY!
-= Music Starts =-
Lucius:
They ask me why….I’m just a girly guy…..I wash my hair
all night….comb it right….
Isadora:
So THAT’S why there’s never any hot water left when I get to the showers.
Lucius: I
wear my necklines low….don’t ask me why, don’t know…..it’s not for lack of
thread, like my friend Fred…..
Fred: Doh….I don’t have no thread… ;_;
Lucius: Darlin’…
-= a lot
of people suddenly run onstage behind Lucius and a bunch of flashy lights
start….flashing…..=-
Everyone
Onstage: Give me a head with hair! Long, beautiful hair! Shining, gleaming,
steaming flaxen waxen! Give me down to there, hair, shoulder length or longer!
Here baby, there momma, everywhere, daddy, daddy, HAIR!
Background
Girls: Hair, hair, hair…
Lucius:
Flow it, show it, long as I can grow
it my HAIR!
Karel:
=drops from ceiling and steals mic= Let it fly in the
breeze and get caught in the trees, give a home to the fleas in my hair! A home
for the fleas! A hive for the buzzin’ bees! A nest
for birds, there ain’t no
words, for the beauty, the splendor, the wonder of my hair!!!
Isadora:
HAIR HAIR HAIR!
Karel:
Flow it, show it, long as I can grow
it, my hair! I want it…
Lucius:
Long!
Fiora:
Straight!
Eliwood:
=putting hair in curlers= Curly!
Matthew:
Fuzzy!
Arianna: Snaggy!
Lowen:
Shaggy!
Erk:
=pointing at Arianna= Ratty matty oily greasy!
Arianna:
………. =GLARE=
Lucius:
Fleecy, shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen waxen!
Serra
& Wil: Knotted, polka-dotted!
Guy:
Twisted, beaded, braided!
Rebecca:
Powdered, flowered, and confettied! Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spagheeeetttiiiied!!!
Lowen:
Oh say can you see my eyes? If you can then my hair’s too short!
Lucius:
They’ll be ga ga at the go go when they see me in my robe! My robe made of long,
blonde, beautiful, shiny hair! My hair like Elimine
wore it, hallelujah, I adore it! Hallelujah, the head priest loves Elimine, why don’t he love me?
All: Hair hair hair hair!
Lucius: Long as I can grow it my…
All:
HAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIR!
-= lots of confetti falls
from the ceiling on the audience =-
Audience:
……….
Ari:
GET IT OFF ME!! =brushes at it crazily=
Rea:
WHEEEE! =picks up handfuls of the confetti and throws it in people’s faces=
boowazz:
=tests the confetti for edibility= Yuck! =to Ari and
Rea= Don’t eat them, they taste gross!
Ari:
…..
boowazz:
What?
Rea:
…..don’t worry, we won’t….
People
Onstage: =bow and run backstage=
Audience: BOOOOOO!
Lucius
Fans: YAY LUCY!
Dart: Fer the love of slimy fish guts!!! I’m the one who’s gonna have to clean all
that colored paper crap up!!!
Erk: And
once again, Farina’s plan is not working…..
Farina:
Shut up! We just need better singers! =looks at Raven, Sain,
Pent, and Hector= You four!! Go out and sing a song!
Those
Four: What!?
Farina:
You, too, Erk!! =shoves them all out=
Audience:
=goes quiet=
Pent: Uhhh….
Sain:
=waves to women=
Hector:
*BLEEP*
-= music starts =-
(‘Because
I Got High’ by Afroman)
Hector:
I’m not *BLEEP* singing to this *BLEEP* song!!!
Farina:
=wafts a strange substance onto the stage=
R,S,P,H,E: =start swaying to the music and their eyes go out
of focus=
Sain:
It’s like…I don’t care about nothing, man…
Erk: La da da da
deed a…la la, la dee da….
Raven: La da da da….la
dad a…la da da daaaa….
Pent: I
was gonna clean my study, until I got high….I wasn’t
going to let it get muddy, but I got high…..Louise screamed at me for an hour,
and I know why…..yeah, yeah….
All: ‘Cause I got high, cause I got high, because I got high…
Anti-Drug
People: BOO! =throw cans=
Hector:
=gets hit in the head by one and snaps out of trance= Hey! What the *BLEEP* am
I singing!? =changes music=
-= new music starts =-
Hector: I wanna
*BLEEP* and dog in the *BLEEP*! (By Blink 182…..no joke…)
Audience:
=shocked=
Lucius: AHHHHH! SOMEBODY STOP HIM!!!
Others: He
wants to *BLEEP* a dog in the *BLEEP*…..he wants to *BLEEP* a dog in the
*BLEEP*….he wants to *BLEEP* a dog….
Hector:
That’s right, kids. I tried to *BLEEP* Eliwood’s mom
in the *BLEEP*….
Eliwood:
WHAT!? =draws his rapier and tries to attack Hector but Oswin
holds him back=
Hector:
Tried to *BLEEP* his dad in the *BLEEP*…could only find his dog…..and its
*BLEEP*….
Eliwood:
You did WHAT to Dizzy the Dancing
Puppy!?
Ninian:
Dancing…puppy….?
Eliwood: Uhhh…nevermind. ^_^;;
Hector: I
tried to *BLEEP* a *BLEEP* pirate in the *BLEEP*.
Fargus:
Argh, me and
my first mate!
Hector:
Could only find the dog.
Fargus:
That was no dog….that was Dart’s sister!
-= music abruptly stops =-
Hector: Whoah….what!?
Dart: YOU
DID WHAT TO MY SISTER!?!?
Raven: YOU
DID WHAT TO REBECCA!?!?
Rebecca:
YOU DID WHAT TO ME!?!?
-= all
three chase Hector =-
Lucius:
NO! Lord Raymond, wait!
-= he
doesn’t wait =-
Lucius:
NOOO! Now we’ve lost both finalists!
Nino:
=reappears= I’m baaaack!
Lucius:
OH, THE IRONY!!! =passes out=
Arianna:
=turns on ‘I Love My Computer’ by Bad Religion=
Hawkeye:
Enough with the stupid music!! =bashes equipment with an ax=
Arianna:
;_;
Harken:
Great, now what!? Without anyway to play music this show is a bust!
Audience:
It was a bust anyways!
Erk: YAY!
Let’s all go home, then!
Serra:
NO! The show must go on! =runs onstage=
Eliwood:
AHHHH! NOOO!! Somebody stop her!
Serra:
Hello my admiring fans!!!
Audience:
……..
boowazz:
AHHHHH! =puts on big, fluffy earmuffs=
Serra:
Since Raven ran off, I will be singing a song for you!!
Audience:
=GROAN=
Raven:
That’s KING Raven!
Audience:
YAY! He’s back!
Raven
Fans: Our hero!! =swoon=
Lucius:
=wakes up= QUICKLY! Both finalists, GET ONSTAGE!
Serra:
But-but—
Erk:
=pulls Serra offstage while she whacks him with a
staff=
-= Nino
and Raven go onstage =-
Lucius:
HURRY, ANNOUNCER, HURRY!!! Before they have time to disappear!
Eliwood:
….what announcer?
Lucius: ?
=looks over at announcer=
Announcer:
=died of old age form waiting so long=
Lucius: Grrrr….I’ll do it! =runs onstage between the two finalists=
The winner of ‘Fire Emblem Idol’ is-
Ari: I gotta go to the bathroom!
Rea: Is
there a snack bar in this place?
boowazz:
=still hasn’t removed earmuffs= What’s going on!? =turns to person next to her=
What’s he saying!?
Lucius:
SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!!
boowazz:
Huh?
Ari:
=rips her earmuffs off=
Lucius:
The winner is-
Voice:
AHEEHEEHEE!
Farina:
That voice sounds oddly familiar….
Fiora:
=flies in on her Pegasus with Evil Berserker and Myrmidon Zombie Army behind
her=
(A/N: HA!
Thought I forgot about that little side plot, huh?)
Lyn: Oh,
for the love of….
Oswin:
HALT, EVIL PEGASUS RIDING ONE!
Heath:
YEAH! What he said!
Fiora: Aheehee! I have now returned to commence the start of my
plan to TAKE OVER THE STORY!!!
Lucius: SHUT THE *BLEEP* UP ALL OF YOU!!!
Everyone: =freezes
in shock at hearing a monk cuss=
Lucius:
The winner of ‘Fire Emblem Idol’, winning by two votes, is…...NINO!
Nino:
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! =hugs the person closest to her, who happens to be Sain=
Sain: Hehe…
Jaffar:
GLARE =pulls killing edge=
Sain:
Oh no, not this again… =runs=
Raven:
DAMMIT! HOW DARE YOU PEOPLE NOT VOTE FOR YOUR KING!?!? =dives into the audience=
Audience:
EEEEEK!!! =run=
Lucius:
And so….
Nino:
=dancing= La, la, la ,la!
Lucius:
…this show ends…..
Jaffar:
Get back here you plague to all who are female.
Lucius:
…how it began…
Sain:
Not all, just the attractive ones!
Lucius:
With chaos.
Raven:
DIE, THOSE WHO WOULD DEFY THEIR LORD AND MASTER!!!
Random
Guy: This is the last time I ever
book a vacation in Elibe!
His Wife:
I told you we should have gone to Spira, but would you listen to me? Noooo….
Lucius:
AFTER PARTY AT MY MONESTERY!
Matthew:
W00T!
Arianna:
Bye bye! =waves at camera=
-= picture freezes then goes
static =-
The
End
---
--------
Arianna:
And so it ends, my very first FE fanfic…
Erk:
=sniff=
Arianna:
!!!
Eliwood:
Erk, are you…crying?
Erk: NO!
=pulls cape around head=
Arianna:
Well, bye! Thanks for sticking with me so long! Hope to see you lurking around
some of my other stories!
-=all wave goodbye=-
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