First of all I’m going to tell you right off the bat that this is going to be very serious. This is about what’s up with me and what happened to me and why I write fanfiction. I wrote my first fanfic when I barely knew what fanfiction was. It was a DBZ comedy and I left it up on FF.net for awhile. A few years later I decided to write Fire Emblem fanfiction and promptly deleted my pathetic first attempt at a fic I had left up all those years. The reason why I chose to write comedy was because I’ve always loved making people laugh. As the year progressed I spent many late nights writing fanfiction. Near the end of the year and going into the summer I began to realize something was wrong with me and that it had been wrong with me for quite awhile.
What was wrong was that I was depressed. I had many moments of intense sadness for no reason or for stupid reasons, but for some reason when I was writing comedy it made things better. Some nights I would be crying and yet at the same time writing humor. It finally got to the point that one summer night I was arguing with my best friend on AIM because I wanted to kill myself. I came very close to going through with it but I didn’t and ever since that night I’ve been shocked that I was ever thinking of actually committing suicide and rather disgusted with myself. Yet that same night made me realize how much I wanted to be happy again and to keep living. That same night while I was arguing with my friend over such an angsty matter I was writing a chapter of one of my comedy fics.Bizarre, eh?
Here I am, though, months later. I’m on pills and I’m a much happier person. I’m talking to people and laughing more than I used to and I have a lot more friends. I’m going more places and I’m glad to be alive. There’s just one thing, though, that seems to be a problem. I don’t have the same motivation to write comedy as I did when I was depressed and trying to cheer myself up. Don’t worry, I’m still writing, though. I just don’t have as much time as I used to. Since I’ve been fully better I’ve written the 6th chapter of ‘Dads and Darlings’, the 6th chapter of ‘Protecting The Devil’, and ‘A Reason For Me’. I still want to write fanfiction because it’s a way of expressing myself and I have fun writing it, but now there’s another reason for it. I’m hoping that when someone somewhere someday is having a horrible day and is horribly sad and just feels like life’s not worth it anymore will somehow stumble across one of my comedy fics and read it and will laugh. Even if my chapters and stories I write in the future only make one person laugh or only cheer one person up it’s still worth it.
Well, that’s enough drama for me tonight. I’m going to go watch ‘Comedy Central’ and then later work on a fanfic chapter. Leave a comment in the guestbook, ‘kay? Oh, and the point of all this? I just wanted people to know.
