| JUNE 2001 NEWSMONKEY ARCHIVE |
| 28th June 2001 - PFA rocked by instrument thief PFA's happy little house of love has had it's proverbial windows smashed by burglars who stole some of the band's most prized instruments, including a tambourine which used to be owned by the guy who played tambourine and did backing vocals in late-90s indie band The Montrose Avenue, and PFA multi-instrumentalist MnM's Casio keyboard. MnM lamented of his loss: 'Bastards! That keyboard was amazing, cos it had a demo button, and when you pressed it, it played 'Wake Me Up Before You Go Go', and you could combine that with a 'Funky' or 'Salsa' beat and get some really out-there sounds, man!'. PFA are not the only high-profile victims of instrument theives in the past few months. Metallica reckon people have been pilfering things off them for years, culminating in the recent alleged theft of bassist Jason Newstead by either the Russian Mafia or some kids. 'Either way' says Lars Ulrich, 'someone nicked our bassist and we want �20 for him'. The most commonly stolen instrument of late has been the piano. A spokesman for the Police Association Of North Devon And Anglia (PANDA) said: 'In the past two years, piano-related crime has increased by benfolds'. 26th June 2001 - BigChris refuses to talk to the press! PFA's film buff bass magician (Eazy)BigC has issued a statement to say that he is no longer prepared to give interviews to the music press because, he feels, he was 'set up' by them after one music magazine in particular mocked up a picture of him surrounded by pandas for their front cover. 'Sure, I like pandas' he said, 'but Panda Flan Attack isn't just about pandas. It's also about flan. And some other shit. We don't want people to think we're a third-rate comedy band who only think about pandas, our shit works on so many levels. Since the whole 'Panda In A Blender' fandango, we've moved away from pandas to a more panda-free zone, called Salford. So we're reducing the whole panda element, it's like Noah's Ark or some crazy shit like that, you know? It's like, we had loads of pandas, but now we've had the flood and there are only two pandas, and I'm the guy with the big beard and a boat and shit'. 20th June 2001 - KGA interview online! Now! Here! In an effort to get more stuff of note on this website, we now have a transcript of an interview KGA did recently, where all manner of things ae discussed, mostly involving buses, for some reason. To see it, click on the link on the front page, or just, like, go HERE, dude! 17th June 2001 - Who is Helmut? And what does he want? The KGA guestbook was recently used by a mysterious person named Helmut, which would suggest that the giant arm of Koala Gateaux Ambush had stuck it's many fingers into other countries, such as Germany and such and such. If you are Helmut, know Helmut or are someone else from one of those weird foreign lands where they eat weird shit instead of proper food like chips and pie, drop us a line. 13th June 2001 - KGA Competition: Rigged? Contoversy has reared it's ugly buttocks over the result of the KGA competition after the winner was none other than PFA's kazoo-toting wunderkind MnM aka Spaffmonkey. The KGA website has issued a statement denying the accusations: 'MnM cheated on his own terms. We did not rig the competition so he would win, he just cheated and won fair and square'. MnM added insightfully: 'Yeah, well, who gives a shit, really?'. He's so right. 9th June 2001 - Dark Mark initiates backwards shenanigans! PFA's inventive guitar wizard Dark Mark has stumbled upon a new genre of music which will revolutionise the way ordinary people think about music and possibly, like, even LIFE, maaaaaan. Dark Mark himself explains:'Well, it all started on my birthday. I was playing at a pub in Chorlton, and after several shandies my ability to carry out my usual fretshredding tomfoolery was dwindling somewhat. I was attempting to play 'Plug In Baby' when I realised that my inebriated state was causing me to play the riff backwards. Weird, huh? So, anyway, I got to thinking...maybe backwards is, ironically, the way forwards! Nowadays, there are only a few bands making really innovative music, such as Toploader and OPM. So, I'm experimenting with a new genre called 'nu-backwardcore''. Indeed. Dark Mark is currently recording a backwards album called 'Mubla', and will be playing a series of backwards gigs with his back to the audience at various venues. Ask a local Maharishi-syle sage for details. 6th June 2001 - Panda Flan Attack to record Panda Flan Attack tribute album? Hot on the heels of their contribution to the now-legendary Crazy Town tribute album, the rumours are that Panda Flan Attack are set to make their own tribute album, a tribute to themselves. PFA's Buffy-loving trumpetmonkey Damon Acejoy explains: 'Well, we just wanted to break with tradition really. We've always been innovative. Most tribute albums consist of various other bands performing covers of your songs, but we figured, you know, who better to record a PFA tribute album than PFA themselves? I mean, no disrespect to Radiohead, but I don't think their version of, say, 'The Bartender And The Thief Are Pandas' would match ours'. 3rd June 2001 - Bad Pants Dan arrested for indecent exposure! Less than two months after Queens Of The Stone Age bassist Nick Oliveri was arrested in Brazil for being naked, PFA vibemonger Bad Pants Dan was arrested in Bury for indecently exposing his horrific trousers in public. A regretful BPD says: 'I guess I was quite surprised, usually I can walk round Sale or even Manchester with my trousers on and only get looks of mild disgust. I guess I didn't appreciate Bury's culture didn't condone this kind of thing. As soon as I was warned I changed into some regular Levi's. I feel pretty embarrassed about the whole thing now, but what can you do?'. |