| KGA INTERVIEW - PART TWO |
| The second part of our interview with KGA is conducted in a church belfry, at KGA's request. 'I always wanted to know what the fuck a belfry was', explains Jonnyhead, still apparently none the wiser, despite being in one. Jonnyhead is today unusually complementing his usual black t-shirt with a bright orange cravat. 'Cravats are underrated...I'm tying to change that, make them mainstream', adding, off the record, that he would then laugh at everyone who followed this advice and call them 'twats'. KGA, as ever, has requested that no-one should wear duffel coats: 'Do you know what they make duffel coats from? You don't wanna, it would fuck you up. Seriously. Besides, they just freak me out, the whole duffel ambience really scares me'. Jonnyhead sits down and offers us a smoke of his new legal drugs: 'They're called Boglins...they're totally legal. You can eat 'em, smoke 'em, or just like wave 'em around to get high. They're the bollocks, dude'. This interviewer obliges and starts slinging some Question Shit at the KGA wall to see how much of it sticks..... Interviewer: The Beatles once famously claimed to be 'bigger then Jesus'? Would you say that PFA were bigger than Jesus? KGA: Well, we're probably a bit bigger than Jesus, the Spanish bowler from 'The Big Lebowski'. But if you mean the beardy Christ guy, then...I dunno. I mean, there's more of us than there is of him, so I reckon we could take him if it came down to, like, a ruck or something, as long as he didn't try and pull any of that weird miracle shit like turning a badger into a hand grenade or something. In fact, that's quite a good metaophor for the way PFA has grown as a band....it's like, we were this badger, in the woods, just doing kinda badgery things like...whatever, y'know, waiting to see if the Pope does actually shit in the woods. But then, by the time of the whole Sainsbury's/panda meat situation, we'd become something between a badger and a hand grenade, like, I dunno, a badger with a pin in it being held by a soldier. And now, we're like a hand grenade which may or may not be thrown and may or may not explode in a small child's face. Interviewer: Ever worry about the future of the bands? KGA: Yeah, cos no matter how good you are, no matter how much impact you have, you're never safe. I mean, this week, Robbie Williams' Flatmate got dropped and the Dum Dums split up. When musical visionaries like that don't make it, bands who have touched so many lives in so many profound ways, you have to worry. But PFA aren't going anywhere yet, because it's not time. Time is an abstract concept anyway. It's all swings and roundabouts and those annoying drivers who have lengthy planks of wood sticking out the back of their car on the way back from B&Q. Bastards. Interviewer: Once again, both KGA and PFA have been snubbed for the Mercury Music Prize... KGA: Yeah, but you get philosphical about that. You don't need to win awards to be a great band...I mean, Scooch never won the Mercury, did they? There's a lot of good bands missing this year, I mean, Marvin Likes Barmcakes are the obvious ones, but where were Fudging Monkface, Knobshock, and Steve-Dave And The Fuckheads? The thing is, it's like PFA is bigger than the award anyway. If we say the Mercury is like a tin of mushy peas in a bin, PFA is like an angry fox, rummaging in the bin looking for some yoghurt, or Pez or perhaps some leftover bits of a Penguin bar. Now, the fox is hungry, but the fox is not that arsed about mushy peas, cos they go a bit rank after a few days in an outside bin, so it can do without them. That's what it's like. What it's NOT like is a monkey which needs bananas to deal. Interviewer: To deal? Don't you mean to eat? KGA: Didn't you see that Channel Four documentary, Monkey Business? Monkeys are the shit, man. They're, like, gangsta. They got their monkey fingers in all kinds of pie, you know what I'm saying? Monkeys are the big cheeses in organised crime, they play to their strengths. They got all kinds of advantages over regular human gangstas, you know? It's like, human gangstas make the mistake of dealing in drugs and guns and shit. Kid's stuff. And you know a human gangsta when you see one cos they're packin' a piece and wearing smart suits and going 'Capiche?'. Whereas, you know, you see a monkey with a stash of bananas and you think nothing of it. Monkeys and bananas go together like Richard and Judy, or like boybands and buckets of hard drugs (Allegedly - Legal Ed). So monkeys can deal with the business of banana trading without ever getting shit off the FBI or having to like, pop a cap in someone's ass. I shouldn't really be saying this...if I get killed, you know some gangsta monkey was responsible. I know stuff about monkeys that would shit your brain. At this point, Jonnyhead's legal advisor, Steve-Dave Daveson, steps in and vetoes much of the content of the rest of the interview including what he thinks of the death penalty, his views on [censored], the story about how he once [censored] bandmate G_[wrd] up the [censored] and his probable lies about what went on between Bono and Pope John Paul II. Still, maybe next time, eh?e, eh? |