| There are many questions you could ask about the phenomenon that is Koala Gateaux Ambush. Answers to the some of the less offensive ones can be found here, in what us groovy cyberspace-dwelling cats call 'The FAQ!' Who the fuck are Koala Gateaux Ambush? Hey, dumbass! Didn't you just see a link to a page entitled 'Who the fuck are Koala Gateaux Ambush?' What are you, some kind of retard? Begone, you cerebrally-challanged bounder! Has Jonnyhead left Panda Flan Attack, then? Relax, guy! Jonnyhead is still a full member of the PFA clan, using KGA as an outlet for ideas that the rest of PFA deemed 'too shit' to make it onto any of their records. Is it true that Jonnyhead: played bass in Ned's Atomic Dustbin/lives in a cave/is gay/wears his underwear outside his trousers/is a witch/fires mice out of a cannon at schoolchildren? Hmmm, the internet is full of scurrilous rumours, many of which may only be half-truths. This website refuses to waste its time on such silliness. However, to see some juicy rumours about members of the PFA, go to the Panda Flan Attack link on the main menu. Go on! Where does Jonnyhead stand politically? Somewhere over there (*points*). Jonnyhead has a reputation as a political crusader, the most memorable demonstration of this being the daring 'anti-Dolmio' stunt he co-masterminded with PFA's Smiths-loving janglemaster and kitchen-selling lord, G_[wrd]. The two wore ponchos displaying the Dolmio logo INSIDE-OUT at the Leeds festival in August 2000 and chanted anti-capitalist slogans such as 'Fuck the system!', 'Screw the capitalist motherfuckers!', 'How does that pasta taste?' and 'Pets At Hoooooome!' at a largely indifferent crowd. What's the connection between KGA and Queens Of The Stone Age? Jonnyhead loves Queens of The Stone Age. Recently, this obsession has manifested itself in a number of ways. Firstly, Jonnyhead composed a 20-minute mellotron interpretation of the QOTSA song 'Give The Mule What He Wants'. More seriously, Jonnyhead has been prone to shouting out 'I love Queens Of the Stone Age!' at inopportune moments. This has proved particularly embarrassing at Belle and Sebastian gigs and during sex. Why don't KGA go in for duffel shenanigans? The craze for duffel coat tomfoolery in today's society leaves Jonnyhead 'bamboozled'. This has caused problems in the PFA castle, since both G_[wrd] and BigChris are fully paid-up members of the National Association for Duffel Shenanigans (NADS). Who is/are Emu Eclair Emancipation? The identity of EEE is currently a mystery, and their reasons for animosity towards KGA are also as yet unclear. However, internet rumourmongers have suggested that Bad Pants Dan may be involved. Is there a connection between KGA and the KGB? Hmmm, I admire your thinking, but you're being rather paranoid. Koala Gateaux Ambush is not an offshoot of the KGB. Koala Gateaux Ambush is not an offshoot of the KGB. Koala Gateaux Ambush is not an offshoot of the KGB. Koala Gateaux Ambush is not an offshoot of the KGB. Just an innocent band with no affiliations to international intelligence organisations whatsoever. Okay? Koala Gateaux Ambush is not an offshoot of the KGB. What exactly is G_[nu]-ska? G_[nu]-ska is an exciting new genre of youth music combining the crazy rhythms of ska with a touch of jazz-metal, and can be breakdanced to. The most accurate description of the movement is this taken from 'The Idiot's Guide To G_[nu]-ska And Gypsy Dancing' : 'G_[nu]-ska was created after sampling the sounds of the inner torment of tree which was about to be felled, and then filtering those sounds through a Fustial Transmonkification Unit and adding some reverb. The resultant sounds formed the basis for G_[nu]-ska'. Who shot Jonnyhead? Hehehe, nice try, but honestly, I don't know. Try the PFA website, where the culprit will be revealed first. But my money's on that panda in the opening scene, he had the cold dead eyes of a killer. |
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