HOW IN THE WORLD DO I SECURE THIS DUFFEL BAG?
Collecting equipment and getting squared away is perhaps one of the most exciting things to happen to you. You get measured and issued uniforms, kevlars, boots and all that good stuff. Hot weather stuff, cold wearther stuff, in-between weather stuff, everything's in there. As you file obediently behind the one in front of you and wait for your forms to be carefully filled and filed, you wonder how you are gonna lug back that duffel bag worth of goodies. Every other guy has his duffel bag secured and i was wondering how i was gonna close that bag up. There were 3 holes, one metal thingy and a clasp. As i used every brain cell to tackle this highly tricky situation and almost close to tears, a blonde guy (yes, a blonde) figured it out i had a problem and taught me how to secure the bag, which really was very simple. Gawd, i felt so dumb there and then.
CEMENTED IN MUD
It was my first major STX (Squad Training Exercise) and i was quite excited about it even though i wasn't exactly agreeing about the weather. Off we went to an abandoned field by a railway track. We climbed the sandy dry mounds of earth and made our way across mud pits, carefully stepping on dry earth. That was when i made my blooper. I spotted a patch of ground which did look quite dry with caked mud already dried into cakes of clay which suspiciously looked like the one i put on my face in hopes to keep me young looking. Well, if it's good for my face, it's good for my feet ain't it? So, i put my foot in. Next moment, i was close to knee deep in mud with my other leg dangling outside. ARGH! The spilt i had gotten myself into wasn't a very comfortable position and i was in no shape to do a gymnast split. "Help, " i whimpered almost pathetically. Now who would leave a damsel in distress? No one. And the guy closest to me offered his hand. "TAKE MY HAND. " he said. I grabbed his hand, embarassed with the fact that he's really gonna find out how heavy i am to be pulled out of the mud. His face showed agony as he winced and strained and huffed and puffed to pull me out of that sticky situation. Someone helped and pushed me from behind as a leverage. After much hard labor, i "birthed" from the mud pit.
SUSPENDED IN THE BUSH
Another day of STX and this mission, we were required to patrol across a patch of tall woodland grass and shrubs of thorns. Seems easy doesn't it? Yeah right. Barely was i half through the mission when i was captured by a bunch of marauding thorns between two goat-smashing trees. Struggling, i found myself in a deeper mess as the rest of my squad proceeded to the rendezvous point, without realizing that i had been held by the menacing thorns. The more i struggled, the more the thorns circled my legs and arms and was starting to wind itself round my body. And the torture began as they penetrated the BDUs and found themselves happily lodged in my flesh. OUCH. I didn't think that help was arriving. I guess i was gonna die out there. Combat is such a dangerous job. Then i spotted the grading officer. He was amused to see a blob of green with a bad hair day (me) suspended between two trees with a mess of weeds and thorns all over me. "Where's your squad?" he asked, close to laughing at my predicament. "I don't know, " I shrugged. He went off to look for my squad and soon, my squad buddy showed up and fought with the vegetation. And i was finally released.
ROLLING DOWN THE HILL
Another STX to my list of military exercises and this time we found ourselves facing a steep hill to climb. It wasn't taken into consideration during the planning stages so this was really unexpected. So up we climbed. I was probably the third one to climb the hill. Step by step, each step i took was taken with care. Then I missed a footing. Rifle in hand and frantically trying to grab onto something (which was alot of loose sand and dry earth), i rolled down the hill, apologizing profusely of what's to come, and almost floored the rest of the squad who were climbing behind me. I felt like a bowling ball hitting the pins. Anyway, i bumped right into the Squad Leader who grabbed my pants and prevented me from falling further. Now i was beet red in face and everyone did watch me fall. So the couple of guys who made it up there before i did, took my rifle and hand and dragged me up while the SL pushed me uphill by my butt. LOL.
THERE IS NO PLACE TO FART
Nothing feels worse than Army hot food reacting badly to one's body. I was in a lot of pain. My tummy was bloated and i was close to having the squirts. Fried chicken swimming in oil, sausages swimming in oil, mashed potatoes and a slice of fruit. Can't we get more fruit? Nope, the Army thinks that fruits are nothing but water and too much fiber while out in the field isn't a good idea either. There is afterall a lack of TP.On the other hand, fried chicken and mashed potatoes have all the "good stuff" that keeps a soldier going out there in the battlefield. Urgh. So i ended up with a real bad tummy ache and lots of gas. I should have brought Gas X along with me but it didn't come across my mind that i would be needing it. Anyway, it was early morning before 0600. We had just taken breakfast and on our way to the live firing area for our 2nd day of FTX. I needed to use the bathroom but since everyone was in formation and readying to head out, i sat by my rucksack next to a mate of mine. I wasn't allowed to leave formation. I was feeling all uncomfortable and trying to control the urge of passing gas. After butt quivering for a few minutes, i had to let it out. It just sounded like it was the loudest noise ever made there at that point of time and i felt eyes were on me. I prayed in my heart that it wouldn't smell and that my BDUs will filter it. I'm sure the guy next to me was giggling inside him, laughing at me. Nothing happened for a while. Then i smelled a whiff of .. phew...What on earth did i eat?
BANG BANG... OOPS
My squad was not faring too well taking out enemy bunkers and we needed to practice. SL, a prior service guy, said we needed to work on it and we were to practice amongst ourselves to perfect that drill. So we did. Everything went accoring to plan till someone forgot to tell us to "shift fire" and we ended up "killing" our own folks who were dashing in to "clear the bunker". Yep, i "bang bang" at my mates. What a blooper. The shock on the SL leader's face was close to comical as he mouthed an "oops".Glad we weren't using live ammo.
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