Depressed and lost

Here I am again,

Full of hate

Wishing it would all end,

On my knees

Hating my life,

And in my hands lie

A rosary and a knife.

 

So confused

What should I do?

If I were gone

Would I mean anything to you?

To end it all now

Would you remember me?

Or would I be forgotten

That’s how I think it would be.

 

I am not perfect

Why can’t you see?

I am all that is failure

I am filth beneath thee,

Nothing special

Do I deserve a life?

I ask this as I pray holding

A rosary and a knife.

 

The blade is seductive

As it runs over my skin,

Should I press a little harder,

Is this where it comes to an end?

I pull away the blade

And I begin to cry,

So I hold the rosary

And beg to know why.

 

See all my faults and wrongs

I am nothing important,

See all my weaknesses

Yet I can end it all in an instant,

All this pain

This thing called a life,

Again in my hand lies

A rosary and a knife.