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Expiration Dates
Why is there a minimum legal age for sex with hot, supple, young chicks but no maximum age for sex with nasty, old hags? Have you seen old bitches? They are nasty. I would much rather stick my jimmy in a hot high school freshman cheerleader than in Barbara Walters. Think about how loose and saggy an old chick is. Why is the government forcing me to bang rancid bitches? What about my rights?
Because we live under the tyranny of the United States of Cock Block, we have to be very careful in our actions. Heed this advice:
Do cater to a teen’s N’Sync fantasy
Don’t cater to a senior’s John Glenn space fantasy
Do offer candy or weed to persuade girls to get into the van
Don’t tell them your real name
Do feign love to old women for cash and jewels
Don’t have sex with them
Do date chicks that shave their pubes
Don’t date chicks that have no pubic hair due to chemotherapy
Do wear a condom
Don’t lick Grandma
Do bang chicks with exotic piercings
Don’t bang chicks with oxygen tanks
Be careful out there. Remember, modern medicine can’t cure vintage venereal diseases. No living health care professional can cure “Them French Warts” or “Harlot Spots.”
Honor and Mortality
Why do we honor the dead after we shit on them while they were alive? It’s not like we need to seduce corpses. Dead chicks can’t say no. You may need charm, money, and good looks to bang a live woman, but all you need to get a dead chick is a crow bar and a shovel. You don’t even need a good shovel because the earth atop a coffin is loose, or so I’ve heard.
 Some superstitious people won’t even say a dead person’s name for fear of being haunted. That’s ridiculous. Eternity is a long time, but I’m sure that ghosts have more important things to do than mess with you for mentioning their names. For example, a ghost could try to avenge his death, or stop his murderer from fucking his widow. Ghosts could also scare annoying, ditzy celebrities, like Reese Witherspoon. Maybe then she would shut-up and go back to creepy fetish pornography, where she belongs…
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