What's it gonna be? Nutz in your habit or a bullet in da head?

Our Mission

      The world should have ended with the 20th century. All the signs of the apocalypse were there: the carnage of war, cataclysmic weather, devastating famine, N’Sync, genital herpes. Surely, as foretold in the prophecy of St. John, we were to perish in a flood of feces and evil that oozed up from hell, through the sewers.
      And yet the turn of the millennium came and went, and life goes on. Why was mankind spared from its most certain end? Because we were funny.
      Humanity has become amusing to the divine and the demonic alike. Television series like Taxi,Saturday Night Live , Cheers, Seinfeld, The Simpsons , Futurama , and The Family Guy have kept the supernatural laughing in their recliners and away from our fucking planet.
      Unfortunately, television has turned to crap. Hell, the only shows listed above that are slated for new episodes are Saturday Night Live and  The Simpsons, and both have gotten extremely shitty in the last few years. Satan isn’t laughing anymore, and he’s not the kind of guy who's going to watch a show just because it’s between Friends and ER.
      The Knives and Liars is mankind’s last chance to delay the inevitable. You owe every breath of air, every sensation, your very life, to this website. 
You may think that it’s the constant vigil of nuns that redeem humanity. Bullshit. Nun based humor was exhausted in Sister Act, as was demonstrated by Sister Act II. If anything, Whoopi Goldberg is sending us to hell faster.
      Don’t for one second think that the webmasters enjoy maintaining this web site. We’re not doing this for personal satisfaction, but for the sake of the world. When we rip into our victims, we do so only to hold legions of angels and demons at bay. Without Knives and Liars mankind is lost.