Common decency? Like I give a shit...

Knives and Liars

The official website of Mr. Big Nutz

Volume I

Issue 1

June 5, 2002

Quotes

“A penny saved is a 1/5 ounce of malt liquor"––Jenna Bush

“Do d-orbitals make you horny?” –Linus Pauling

“Love is knowing her last name.”—Ann Landers

“I saved a lot of money on date rape drugs when I realized that sheep can’t talk.”—Ben Afleck

“Fuck three Playboy bunnies and you’re Shaq. Fuck fifty and you’re Hugh Hefner. Fuck a stranger in the ass and John Goodman destroys your neighbor’s car with a baseball bat.”—Anonymous

Comedy Gonorrhea

If you enjoy joking with people you probably know the stinging sensation of Comedy Gonorrhea. You contract this malady when you unknowingly joke with someone that is sensitive to what you’re joking about. For example:

George: How hard is it to be a stripper? Honestly, any hot chick can do it.
Martha: My aunt was a stripper until she fell off the stage and had to have her ass removed. Oh God…(Weeps Bitterly)

George: Burt Reynolds is a horrible actor. He--
Martha: Cousin-brother Burt is a fine southern gentleman--using a condom and all. What sort of man are you?

Fate, so cruel, rewarded your efforts to entertain others with the bloody urine of Comedy Gonorrhea. You could have used a prophylactic, but that stuffy and serious form of human contact lacks real feeling. If you avoid talking to Martha about strippers for the sake of your genital health, what would you talk to her about? Politics? Martha doesn’t know politics; he knows strippers.

Disney Deviants

"Oh, Mr. Big Nutz! Nut-slap my face, again ."

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